MNK99
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 4,978
1. Introduction
Hey everyone. What's happening? I attempted some juice feasting and breuss fasting. Mostly I messed up.
Then I did a 20 day fast - explained in a later post. -As well as 5d and 6d right before. So 31days and 14-21 Juice Feasting (like CD recommends for many).
-so like: 45day to 52. Probably a bit more, but WATER FASTING WAS KEY.
I am working on healing from PFS and getting back my health and mental acuity. I am working on my own protocol with additions from various members here, and eventually getting to something else that will be explained later.
I apologize if this seems confusing/disjointed. I wanted to log just the fast and experiments to resolve PFS, but wanted to offer support to those with PSSD as well.
-There's a TL;DR* at the end.
1.A. Effexor XR side effects and aftermath:
-PSSD/ Drug-induced mania: Taken 2007-2008 (stopped in winter). Mostly Effexor XR. = resolved 2010-2011?
-Cause: Misdiagnosed with G.A.D.
I had very severe side effects from Effexor XR in 2007-2008 and after it affected my mood and emotions and weight, but I succeeded in fixing it. I didn't know what PSSD was really, until I already was semi cured.
I overcame that. I honestly don't know how... My family was financially supportive, not so much emotionally. I resented them at times, and we argued a lot for years. But when I got better results in work, school, and in life - they were happier. But they still don't get it and I don't expect them to. I wish someone stopped me from taking finasteride tho....
A HUGE part of recovery was moving away from the city in which my life was destroyed. Making new friends, and quitting bad habits like drinking, and just starting from a clean slate.
-Journalling, jogging, and lifting weights helped. As did some meditation (not my strongest suit - it takes practice).
-I am sure I had some of the worst symptoms from Antidepressants. I took Effexor, and some other SSRI's. I had severe memory impairments and impaired judgement.
-I moved out of my city and lived with relatives in Europe briefly. then came back and moved to the east coast from the western part of the country.
-I had many blackouts while on Effexor. I was drinking a lot as well. I was completely out of character.
-this was a combination of triggered mania + addiction + not knowing ADHD + not knowing manic/depressive tendencies + memory loss from meds + manipulative friends. It was a very bad situation. thankfully I survived and fixed that. To be honest for a while I didn't care whether I lived or died. Later, I was fuelled by vengeance/rage. Neither are ways we should live.
-I had like 3-6 straight months of horrible Mania. Trust me that's bad.
-It took like 4 years to realize about the ADHD and another 1-2 to realize that I was manic then and possibly at other points in time.
--I moved October 2008 to Europe briefly. And then came back to N.A. and tried my best to force myself to go to university, and work... I didn't do well for a year or so, slowly got better and better.
Resolved.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. ADHD/Mood and Substance Issues: Proper Diagnosis
-Before anxiety disorder and the drinking I was pretty "straight edge". After Effexor there was stimulant and alcohol abuse and trying different things...
-Then in mid 20's just prescription stimulants and occasional other stuff. Drinking wasn't fun after a few years so in my early 20's I realized I need something... else.
-I remember writing in my journals at my first year in the east coast, that "I need dexedrine or adderall." I wrote a lot of stuff, though and didn't seek diagnosis nor treatment till a few years later.
-Practically all my initial substance use (of any kind) was to mask anxiety or slow my thinking down... and be more productive. Not the right way to cope, but I was looking for something after the hole in my heart that Effexor XR and being forced to leave my home a wreck at 22. It didn't go away without a lot of hardship (addictive tendencies).
-Aside from that:
-Struggling in school and work and relnships at large, for years, I was finally correctly diagnosed with ADHD (long suspected it) at 26 years young. It explained a lot:
-Illegal stimulant abuse on and off for 2-3 years. Obviously not good... But helped my ADHD. It was self medication. (Still better than AD's and fin).
-Honestly, I think it helped my PSSD too. *Again*, I do not recommend this.
-In mid 20's I started ADHD meds, but I was already 85% done my degree. They were definitely helpful.
-I'm fine with it when medicated and I stay away from substances that really harm me like alcohol. Right now I'm using none. I quit alcohol a few years prior (95% less drinking) and I quit smoking at 23. I quit illicit stimulants (mostly) by 26 or so. I used rx stimulants for 3.5 years.
-I'll always have it and some related mood issues... but for now I'm tackling PFS so I can be healthy enough to properly deal with this and my career. One thing at a time.
-I did well most years but was underperforming until I was on the right prescription stimulant and took precautions. Then 3.5 years later I trialled Lamotrigine for a related "disorder" (dual diagnosis).
-This was Lamotrigine -- it caused hair loss very quickly in weeks. I took it 89 days. It did make me happier and did elevate my mood and turned dysphoria into euphoria, but it was short-lived.
Self-medicating was fine enough at 18-20... I was practically out of my mind at 21-22. And I got better but still abused alcohol till 24, and one stimulant in particular I substituted alcohol with and I think I quit that mostly by 25-26. Occasional use here and there, but with prescription stimulants and exercise and being on the right path again, I didn't need it. And I obviously didn't like how "self-medicating" substances made me feel. Really alone especially in my early 20's. I felt a huge relief and like I could still be who I want to be when I got a good psychologist and then reluctantly saw a psychiatrist (who I like a lot as well).
-This was until I got a dual diagnosis. It got worse: generalized anxiety disorder --> very bad ADHD and cognitive issues to --> ADHD + something else (supposedly affecting 6 areas of the brain. With ADHD affecting the frontal lobe and being an executive function disorder (I mean "real ADHD"), and this one making it worse). The other supposed disorder has a 10x higher chance of having ADHD.
-And acc to Dr. Russell Barkley is one of the most devastating psychiatric/neurological combinations someone can have after Schizophrenia and Autism. It could always be worse though! And I'm not sure what's real anyways at times. If I have the second disorder - I'm relatively high-functioning most the time. If I just have ADHD, well I struggled even more than most of them. Life is complicated.
-I was fine enough but lacking something in just treating ADHD -- but being functional, confident, and having charm/personality, and hobbies, and a few close friends is enough --- no one is perfect.
-Med class 1 ruined me, med class 2 (and illegal stimulants initially - later they made me really sad and friends wanted me to quit.) helped me a ton, med class 3 could have gone either way but led me to finasteride. -- which was a disaster.
Pre finasteride and most of adulthood I was physically healthy at least. And physically and mentally healthy (best I can) with stimulant meds. It's all a risky situation, but life is full of risks.
I knew who I was, and what my values were, and where I was going - most of my mid 20's till now. It got kind of lost when I had the issue of dual diagnosis but I ignored it as long as I could... and then Finasteride ruined this. But not for too long. Because for all the bullshit, stress and lost time, and missed opportunities in my life --- I know I'm not to be written off and am definitely not weak. I couldn't be killed then, I can't be killed now.
Ongoing (dual diagnosis). When treated it's better but I can only treat one... treating both would be ideal but it's too messy.
And right now no meds no substances except coffee and nicotine vaping. In the future I will treat ADHD again bc it truly helped me a lot. Structure, organization, goals, work, day-to-day functioning.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. Post-finasteride:
PFS Background: Taken Jan 18th to June 2017. = working on it.
-Cause: Finasteride.
-Always against this toxic med, I took it after trying to balance Lamotrigine's side effects. I wanted to take Lamo + Dex (or see if it was suitable). Instead I added Fin and never took the dex and also Lamotrigine stopped working. I discontinued both these (actually useful meds) and stayed on Finasteride.
-When I first started finasteride, I didnt know what was going on, but I had stayed in my apartment mostly for a couple weeks, whereas I was looking for jobs, walking, buying groceries, and working out at 2 gyms just a few weeks prior.
-Went to Mexico, and had a sexual crash there. I thought lamotrigine was lowering libido/or I had depression, but it was Finasteride. I quit lamotrigine after 3 months and finasteride after 4.5months (June).
Now I have PFS... and it's been maybe 6 months, and I had side effects on it, but I thought maybe it was depression/ lamotrigine. When I quit and a bit later saw my face looked different plus sexual sides... and the depression, and isolation I was in - I realized something's very wrong.
Current focus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Executive Summary:
TL;DR:
-Summary: Overweight in teens, healthy at 17-20. Antidepressants - Adverse Drug Reaction. Fixed, fit again 23-till recently.
-Fixed pssd at 22-24 mostly... but I could have used stimulants back then, school would have been far less traumatic. I would have transferred to a better school, had I been stable at the time.
-I beat PSSD and Effexor effects including SSRI/SNRI-induced mania.
-At 24-26 I was doing better and ADHD meds really really helped me. I had unresolved issues and that prompted me to seek differential diagnosis. Hence, I was diagnosed as also likely having something else(I think a mistake, and "labels" are just that - labels).
-I tried lamotrigine in 2016's end and it made me have diffuse hair loss. I had it on stimulants initially too but I stopped it.
This was a lot of hair loss, so in Jan 2017 I tried finasteride.
-Physically Healthy at 25-29.75 yrs of age... Until I tried finasteride. Improved every year until then.
My symptoms:
Mental/Neurological:
-Depression (severe), Loss of personality, Anxiety.
-Seem less sharp... less funny, less outgoing (understatement!)
-Brainfog (confusion)
-Anhedonia.
-Hard to listen to music, watch movies. Reading is not fun anymore.
-Tired. I was severely fatigued. I think I still am. But maybe a bit less. I did do short fasts earlier in winter.
- confusion, not the same emotions I usually have. Like "I love that song!". Unemotional with people too.
Sidenote:
I love music and can barely listen to it right now.
-trying to listen to music a bit more.
Physical:
-Weight gain
-vision changed after 14 years of near the same... Double vision, both eyes changed. Right eye was good enough to not need glasses much before this.
-Face: Eyes are sunken in, face seems rounder.
-I may be wrong: chin bone seems smaller.
-Pain in between knuckles on fingers and toes... Joint or bone? not sure.
-Urological/sexual symptoms
-Water retention/ water weight gain.
-Slower growing Facial hair
-slower growing body hair (I wish these 2 were the only side effects!!!)
Anyways I have a lot of symptoms... And almost worst of all, I was finally doing well in life. I had decided what I don't want to do. Had started doing improv and wanted to do youtube or some acting things... It's kind of late now. But, I knew I would not be happy in some professional careers. And I knew I could make things work and get more experience with the help of my ADHD medicine (which I consider a godsend). Now I'm not taking that, and even if I was -- PFS has hit me badly.
***Plan going forward***:
-Day 2 fasting for now.
-Then trying zinc finger if I can get all the materials. -I did try copper, magnesium, potassium for a few days it did help sexual sides a bit.
-I did try Histidine and Cysteine...want to fast 14-21.
And also: try Lithium Orotate/ Lithium Aspartate as an antidepressant and mood lifter. Maybe medical grade cannabis CBD. -->FUCK THIS LIST/better one soon.
-I know drugs are mostly bad... but my life would have been so so much easier had I skipped the antidepressants and been on say ritalin or dexedrine in my early 20's rather than mid 20's and now this one year break.
-I've been confident, healthy, lean, outgoing, even happy at times... I want that back and more and I will fight for it.
-I need to get my killer instinct back and I will. No matter what.
June-Aug 2o18.: I'm a "Killer" again. BUT guess what?? NEED to reign it in, and kp consistent moods. Damn it all... but, that's fine. Doing well. - Aug. 4th 2018 - 6.20pm.
Also need more... in life. UPDATE: --> AUG. 13th -- KILLING IT!!!!!!!!!!
Hey everyone. What's happening? I attempted some juice feasting and breuss fasting. Mostly I messed up.
Then I did a 20 day fast - explained in a later post. -As well as 5d and 6d right before. So 31days and 14-21 Juice Feasting (like CD recommends for many).
-so like: 45day to 52. Probably a bit more, but WATER FASTING WAS KEY.
I am working on healing from PFS and getting back my health and mental acuity. I am working on my own protocol with additions from various members here, and eventually getting to something else that will be explained later.
I apologize if this seems confusing/disjointed. I wanted to log just the fast and experiments to resolve PFS, but wanted to offer support to those with PSSD as well.
-There's a TL;DR* at the end.
1.A. Effexor XR side effects and aftermath:
-PSSD/ Drug-induced mania: Taken 2007-2008 (stopped in winter). Mostly Effexor XR. = resolved 2010-2011?
-Cause: Misdiagnosed with G.A.D.
I had very severe side effects from Effexor XR in 2007-2008 and after it affected my mood and emotions and weight, but I succeeded in fixing it. I didn't know what PSSD was really, until I already was semi cured.
I overcame that. I honestly don't know how... My family was financially supportive, not so much emotionally. I resented them at times, and we argued a lot for years. But when I got better results in work, school, and in life - they were happier. But they still don't get it and I don't expect them to. I wish someone stopped me from taking finasteride tho....
A HUGE part of recovery was moving away from the city in which my life was destroyed. Making new friends, and quitting bad habits like drinking, and just starting from a clean slate.
-Journalling, jogging, and lifting weights helped. As did some meditation (not my strongest suit - it takes practice).
-I am sure I had some of the worst symptoms from Antidepressants. I took Effexor, and some other SSRI's. I had severe memory impairments and impaired judgement.
-I moved out of my city and lived with relatives in Europe briefly. then came back and moved to the east coast from the western part of the country.
-I had many blackouts while on Effexor. I was drinking a lot as well. I was completely out of character.
-this was a combination of triggered mania + addiction + not knowing ADHD + not knowing manic/depressive tendencies + memory loss from meds + manipulative friends. It was a very bad situation. thankfully I survived and fixed that. To be honest for a while I didn't care whether I lived or died. Later, I was fuelled by vengeance/rage. Neither are ways we should live.
-I had like 3-6 straight months of horrible Mania. Trust me that's bad.
-It took like 4 years to realize about the ADHD and another 1-2 to realize that I was manic then and possibly at other points in time.
--I moved October 2008 to Europe briefly. And then came back to N.A. and tried my best to force myself to go to university, and work... I didn't do well for a year or so, slowly got better and better.
Resolved.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. ADHD/Mood and Substance Issues: Proper Diagnosis
-Before anxiety disorder and the drinking I was pretty "straight edge". After Effexor there was stimulant and alcohol abuse and trying different things...
-Then in mid 20's just prescription stimulants and occasional other stuff. Drinking wasn't fun after a few years so in my early 20's I realized I need something... else.
-I remember writing in my journals at my first year in the east coast, that "I need dexedrine or adderall." I wrote a lot of stuff, though and didn't seek diagnosis nor treatment till a few years later.
-Practically all my initial substance use (of any kind) was to mask anxiety or slow my thinking down... and be more productive. Not the right way to cope, but I was looking for something after the hole in my heart that Effexor XR and being forced to leave my home a wreck at 22. It didn't go away without a lot of hardship (addictive tendencies).
-Aside from that:
-Struggling in school and work and relnships at large, for years, I was finally correctly diagnosed with ADHD (long suspected it) at 26 years young. It explained a lot:
-Illegal stimulant abuse on and off for 2-3 years. Obviously not good... But helped my ADHD. It was self medication. (Still better than AD's and fin).
-Honestly, I think it helped my PSSD too. *Again*, I do not recommend this.
-In mid 20's I started ADHD meds, but I was already 85% done my degree. They were definitely helpful.
-I'm fine with it when medicated and I stay away from substances that really harm me like alcohol. Right now I'm using none. I quit alcohol a few years prior (95% less drinking) and I quit smoking at 23. I quit illicit stimulants (mostly) by 26 or so. I used rx stimulants for 3.5 years.
-I'll always have it and some related mood issues... but for now I'm tackling PFS so I can be healthy enough to properly deal with this and my career. One thing at a time.
-I did well most years but was underperforming until I was on the right prescription stimulant and took precautions. Then 3.5 years later I trialled Lamotrigine for a related "disorder" (dual diagnosis).
-This was Lamotrigine -- it caused hair loss very quickly in weeks. I took it 89 days. It did make me happier and did elevate my mood and turned dysphoria into euphoria, but it was short-lived.
Self-medicating was fine enough at 18-20... I was practically out of my mind at 21-22. And I got better but still abused alcohol till 24, and one stimulant in particular I substituted alcohol with and I think I quit that mostly by 25-26. Occasional use here and there, but with prescription stimulants and exercise and being on the right path again, I didn't need it. And I obviously didn't like how "self-medicating" substances made me feel. Really alone especially in my early 20's. I felt a huge relief and like I could still be who I want to be when I got a good psychologist and then reluctantly saw a psychiatrist (who I like a lot as well).
-This was until I got a dual diagnosis. It got worse: generalized anxiety disorder --> very bad ADHD and cognitive issues to --> ADHD + something else (supposedly affecting 6 areas of the brain. With ADHD affecting the frontal lobe and being an executive function disorder (I mean "real ADHD"), and this one making it worse). The other supposed disorder has a 10x higher chance of having ADHD.
-And acc to Dr. Russell Barkley is one of the most devastating psychiatric/neurological combinations someone can have after Schizophrenia and Autism. It could always be worse though! And I'm not sure what's real anyways at times. If I have the second disorder - I'm relatively high-functioning most the time. If I just have ADHD, well I struggled even more than most of them. Life is complicated.
-I was fine enough but lacking something in just treating ADHD -- but being functional, confident, and having charm/personality, and hobbies, and a few close friends is enough --- no one is perfect.
-Med class 1 ruined me, med class 2 (and illegal stimulants initially - later they made me really sad and friends wanted me to quit.) helped me a ton, med class 3 could have gone either way but led me to finasteride. -- which was a disaster.
Pre finasteride and most of adulthood I was physically healthy at least. And physically and mentally healthy (best I can) with stimulant meds. It's all a risky situation, but life is full of risks.
I knew who I was, and what my values were, and where I was going - most of my mid 20's till now. It got kind of lost when I had the issue of dual diagnosis but I ignored it as long as I could... and then Finasteride ruined this. But not for too long. Because for all the bullshit, stress and lost time, and missed opportunities in my life --- I know I'm not to be written off and am definitely not weak. I couldn't be killed then, I can't be killed now.
Ongoing (dual diagnosis). When treated it's better but I can only treat one... treating both would be ideal but it's too messy.
And right now no meds no substances except coffee and nicotine vaping. In the future I will treat ADHD again bc it truly helped me a lot. Structure, organization, goals, work, day-to-day functioning.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. Post-finasteride:
PFS Background: Taken Jan 18th to June 2017. = working on it.
-Cause: Finasteride.
-Always against this toxic med, I took it after trying to balance Lamotrigine's side effects. I wanted to take Lamo + Dex (or see if it was suitable). Instead I added Fin and never took the dex and also Lamotrigine stopped working. I discontinued both these (actually useful meds) and stayed on Finasteride.
-When I first started finasteride, I didnt know what was going on, but I had stayed in my apartment mostly for a couple weeks, whereas I was looking for jobs, walking, buying groceries, and working out at 2 gyms just a few weeks prior.
-Went to Mexico, and had a sexual crash there. I thought lamotrigine was lowering libido/or I had depression, but it was Finasteride. I quit lamotrigine after 3 months and finasteride after 4.5months (June).
Now I have PFS... and it's been maybe 6 months, and I had side effects on it, but I thought maybe it was depression/ lamotrigine. When I quit and a bit later saw my face looked different plus sexual sides... and the depression, and isolation I was in - I realized something's very wrong.
Current focus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Executive Summary:
TL;DR:
-Summary: Overweight in teens, healthy at 17-20. Antidepressants - Adverse Drug Reaction. Fixed, fit again 23-till recently.
-Fixed pssd at 22-24 mostly... but I could have used stimulants back then, school would have been far less traumatic. I would have transferred to a better school, had I been stable at the time.
-I beat PSSD and Effexor effects including SSRI/SNRI-induced mania.
-At 24-26 I was doing better and ADHD meds really really helped me. I had unresolved issues and that prompted me to seek differential diagnosis. Hence, I was diagnosed as also likely having something else(I think a mistake, and "labels" are just that - labels).
-I tried lamotrigine in 2016's end and it made me have diffuse hair loss. I had it on stimulants initially too but I stopped it.
This was a lot of hair loss, so in Jan 2017 I tried finasteride.
-Physically Healthy at 25-29.75 yrs of age... Until I tried finasteride. Improved every year until then.
My symptoms:
Mental/Neurological:
-Depression (severe), Loss of personality, Anxiety.
-Seem less sharp... less funny, less outgoing (understatement!)
-Brainfog (confusion)
-Anhedonia.
-Hard to listen to music, watch movies. Reading is not fun anymore.
-Tired. I was severely fatigued. I think I still am. But maybe a bit less. I did do short fasts earlier in winter.
- confusion, not the same emotions I usually have. Like "I love that song!". Unemotional with people too.
Sidenote:
I love music and can barely listen to it right now.
-trying to listen to music a bit more.
Physical:
-Weight gain
-vision changed after 14 years of near the same... Double vision, both eyes changed. Right eye was good enough to not need glasses much before this.
-Face: Eyes are sunken in, face seems rounder.
-I may be wrong: chin bone seems smaller.
-Pain in between knuckles on fingers and toes... Joint or bone? not sure.
-Urological/sexual symptoms
-Water retention/ water weight gain.
-Slower growing Facial hair
-slower growing body hair (I wish these 2 were the only side effects!!!)
Anyways I have a lot of symptoms... And almost worst of all, I was finally doing well in life. I had decided what I don't want to do. Had started doing improv and wanted to do youtube or some acting things... It's kind of late now. But, I knew I would not be happy in some professional careers. And I knew I could make things work and get more experience with the help of my ADHD medicine (which I consider a godsend). Now I'm not taking that, and even if I was -- PFS has hit me badly.
***Plan going forward***:
-Day 2 fasting for now.
-Then trying zinc finger if I can get all the materials. -I did try copper, magnesium, potassium for a few days it did help sexual sides a bit.
-I did try Histidine and Cysteine...want to fast 14-21.
And also: try Lithium Orotate/ Lithium Aspartate as an antidepressant and mood lifter. Maybe medical grade cannabis CBD. -->FUCK THIS LIST/better one soon.
-I know drugs are mostly bad... but my life would have been so so much easier had I skipped the antidepressants and been on say ritalin or dexedrine in my early 20's rather than mid 20's and now this one year break.
-I've been confident, healthy, lean, outgoing, even happy at times... I want that back and more and I will fight for it.
-I need to get my killer instinct back and I will. No matter what.
June-Aug 2o18.: I'm a "Killer" again. BUT guess what?? NEED to reign it in, and kp consistent moods. Damn it all... but, that's fine. Doing well. - Aug. 4th 2018 - 6.20pm.
Also need more... in life. UPDATE: --> AUG. 13th -- KILLING IT!!!!!!!!!!
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