A bit of me,Accutane,weed and despersonalization / HELP!!

N

Namelk

Well-Known Member
Messages
107
I took roacutan at age 17 and totally lost my libido, erections, etc., I began to feel very bad and I saw my life stopped there, I am now 20, almost 21, 3 years I started smoking marijuana and I have been smoking every day practically, this helped me deal with the anxiety in the beginning, then it got worse ... my libido improved well, I get to have sex and I rarely have problems, but not even close to what I was before taking accutane ... but to 2 years I have desrealization and depersonalization, I do not feel anything right, there seems to be a wall between my vision and the world, everything seems darker and drizzled, as if it were a screen in front of me separating myself from everything, I believe marijuana has caused me to despersonalized, wanted to know if that's what it might have caused, I ended up addicted, I think about quitting everyday and I'm still smoking, it's very difficult because my life seems to be over, this barrier in front of me has taken away everything ...
I have already taken several things, I have done several things over the years, I will list what I have done in more detail at the end of the post, here is just the summary routine to understand.
I do weight training for 6 years, feed me well I believe, I'm a very active guy, I avoid masturbating (but I have sex sometimes), I take cold showers, I try to sleep at least 7 hours a night, I drink a lot of water
My caloric intake should vary between 2000/3000 a day, I have fasted for more than a year of 16 to 20 hours of fasting per day, I have already had 4 days of fasting once with only water, nowadays I have not done more I eat 3 to 5 meals a day at any time, carbohydrates, proteins, fats and more fats, my digestion is usually good, I practice heavy and insane bodybuilding for 6 years in a row, it's the only thing I can still have little pleasure ... in my beloved bodybuilding ...

It's what keeps me without parents, with no one to help ...

working under a stressful service and having to support myself and live without any pleasure at all just to survive, earning little in the salary, just hoping to one day improve and return to being the guy that I was before taking the accutane and smoking ...

Symptoms I have / had:
ED accutane (I'm a little better in this aspect nowadays)
Despersonalization / desrealization
Fatigue
Anxiety
I feel nothing right, feelings (there is almost no pleasure whatsoever in anything I do or reward)
An intense pain in the back of the left side to more than 1 year without improvements
blurred vision, everything looks darker and blurred
I do not have enthusiasm about anything, I do everything I have to do, with no pleasure in anything, because everything seems false ..
I'm addicted to marijuana
I believe that what has caused me to depersonalise, I smoke almost 3 years and 2 years I smoke almost every day, I could only stop for 1 month and a half and I did not feel any improvement, everything still seemed unreal and meaningless, I look at my girlfriend who lives with me and it seems she's so far from me ... even if she's in front of me

Things I've Done:

Cetogenic diet
Finasteride cycle 3 times to try to improve after stopping taking
Pregnenolone, DHEA,
Tribulus, magnesium 400/ 600 mg/day, copper 3/6/9 mg day, zinc 50 mg/20/30, vitamin E, ashwagandha, rhodiola Rosea, Boron 10/20 mg per day,
Complex B,Vitamin D,Vitamin,PROBIOTICs
Cafeina 400 / 800mg for a long time (now I only drink a little coffee sometimes)
I try to do everything to help my dopamine and not to decline, I avoid caffeine, I take cold baths, I avoid masturbating, I practice heavy bodybuilding, but I still smoke marijuana ...
I took ephedrine already, yoimbine 2 times
Clembuterol 3 times
(At first I believed that vitamin A in the roacutan was accumulated in me, I thought I should dry out as much fat as possible to cleanse my body of it, liver and fat, then I started using a lot of stimulant / fasts)
CLOMID protocol
ANAVAR
I used cocaine 3 times last month and did not feel any effect, can this happen?
I used ritalin 10 mg and did not feel anything either, is this normal ???
But when I smoke marijuana I feel the normal effect of it, I feel a little better when I smoke, but to go without smoking and smoking the depersonalization continues the same
I eat well, I take vitamins from the b complex daily, I drink a lot of water, I exercise at least 5 times a week at 6 years, I weigh 78 and I am 1.65 in height
and many other things...
it seems that most things do not have any effect on me ... I used a considerable amount of cocaine to see if I would feel something or really feel myself again and I did not feel anything at all, not even with ritalin

I wanted to please help me I can not live without pleasure in anything and everything seems false, I think I'm almost freaking out and getting crazy, I can not take it anymore ... I just wanted to be the same guy I was before accutane

What can I do to improve depersonalization and lack of pleasure and reward in things? It's what bothers me the most.
I just want to feel alive again.
If I quit smoking, will I get back to normal at least in this sense? things after accutane were already different but not so ...
I started smoking trying to help myself and it made everything worse.
Will quitting smoking improve me in that part over time? if so, how long does it take to normalize?
Smoking is the only thing that distracts me from these problems, I am addicted, I smoke every day for 2 years in a row, I took accutane to 4 years
Would you like to know if it would improve, have an opinion, know where marijuana might be hurting me even more?

Help me please

I'm Brazilian, I'm sorry for my English, I depend on a translator sometimes
Sorry for the size, but I tried to summarize so they could know me a bit and pass on my information to you
 
Last edited:
MNK99

MNK99

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,413
-1. I'm very sorry you're going thru this @Namelk, I think a long extended water fast or similar detox (like ARL or TEI) could very well help your case. I wish you luck. There's good support/expmtal protocols here on Hackstasis.
-2. Honestly, as I've said a lot elsewhere, I had ZERO progress pre fasting like 20-30 days... even near a month of juice was barely 1-5% progress for me. [For PFS].
-3. That fasted training and experience with bodybuilding will be a bonus for sure. -after work/ workout i may add some other thoughts to this ocd list....... but for now fast/detox/choose a protocol and stick to it, it'll work well.
-4. Yeah, makes sense cocaine doesn't work... lol, but it didn't harm the process/ it's obviously not a therapeutic recovery implement for this syndrome tho.
-5. In formative years before maturization, weed can lead to depersonalization, and abuse probably downregulates a lot of hormones like FSH, and other endocrine issues can be caused... but it's not forever.
 
Last edited:
N

Namelk

Well-Known Member
Messages
107
Grambo said:
I'm beyond unqualified to assist you but;

How close to the ocean are you? Long fasts while bobbing in the ocean under the sun seem to be the only universally helpful thing I've come across.
Click to expand...

I live in Brazil, in Minas Gerais, unfortunately there is no sea here :/
 
N

Namelk

Well-Known Member
Messages
107
MNK99 said:
-1. I'm very sorry you're going thru this @Namelk, I think a long extended water fast or similar detox (like ARL or TEI) could very well help your case. I wish you luck. There's good support/expmtal protocols here on Hackstasis.
-2. Honestly, as I've said a lot elsewhere, I had ZERO progress pre fasting like 20-30 days... even near a month of juice was barely 1-5% progress for me. [For PFS].
-3. That fasted training and experience with bodybuilding will be a bonus for sure. -after work/ workout i may add some other thoughts to this ocd list....... but for now fast/detox/choose a protocol and stick to it, it'll work well.
-4. Yeah, makes sense cocaine doesn't work... lol, but it didn't harm the process/ it's obviously not a therapeutic recovery implement for this syndrome tho.
-5. In formative years before maturization, weed can lead to depersonalization, and abuse probably downregulates a lot of hormones like FSH, and other endocrine issues can be caused... but it's not forever.
Click to expand...

I have to stop smoking...haha
Can you tell me why cocaine does not cause me effects? Gbold says that cocaine can help in certain cases who smokes marijuana, so I tried but did not feel anything in the 3 times

Thanks for the above tips, I will try the biggest fast when I have vacation from my job
 
MNK99

MNK99

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,413
I did like 40-200 grams of coke, so I'm not hating on it (I mean 22-25.5 yrs old or so, not recently)... ---by the way i used: ACCUTANE, EFFEXOR, and FINASTERIDE.
Look man lots about coke, I know... but I can't get into it right now, gonna sleep.
Don't do drugs (in general) man.

I fucking cured PSSD with zero ish help , and got into coke... BUT PFS (for me... and many) seems worse. Both ---> pretty bad.

You may be like me in that COKE helps your work, focus, mood, enjoyment of life, dealing with bullshit, and the world, society, men, women, girls (dating), idiots etc... but... that doesn't mean***it's the best way to go about all that***. Maybe you only use it sometimes, so if that's the case, forgive the lecturing tone, not lecturing, just a breif synopsis. I literally felt crazy as fuck on EFFEXOR XR and acted and looked it... (briefly, severe mania)...maybe not that breif + holes in memory.

ANYWAYS that was a messed up yr. AND the 3-4 yrs after on coke, I was lean, healthy, outgoing, young.. fit.. people liked me mostly, but ya I was also an addict.

I was running away but that wasn't the only reason, it helped in economics and math, and other bs.

Summary = COKE was for me, self-escapism, self-medication for ADHD/BPII, and also PSSD, and also betrayal/life threatening situation from my youth.
AND seemed safer than VODKA. AND seemed safer than meds or seeing a family doctor, or asking for help, or seeing a shrink. --I grew up tho. mostly.
ALSO: -- self medicating anxiety, narcissism around me (others), and also a broken heart. <3.

GOOD LUCK@ Namelk. I was just a kid then, so my advice would be TEI supps now and fasting and a refeed. water fasting.. and training.
 
Last edited:
tanedout

tanedout

Well-Known Member
Messages
538
@Namelk - how long did you go on Anvar for? A few people on here have done/doing cycles at the moment. Did you get any improvement at all from it?

I tried vaping weed for a bit, and did some months taking RSO, and I don't think it had any effect on my brain fog/depersonalisation. The only benefit I got from that was a bit of an improvement in sensitivity and orgasm which I'm guessing was just down to it increasing dopamine, but nothing lasting. Pine pollen and also shilajit are two things that noticeably help me with brain fog.

The first step suggestion on here now seems to be get a hair test (mineral analysis) done, and go from there - have you had one done before?
 
Helen

Helen

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Messages
5,415
Guys , i see people try to get better why smoking pot . It is impossible, Pot effects very reason of these imbalances. It effects cortisol , ppar, it effects serotonin , 5AR

You cant get better while you smoke pot. People got PFS from pot solely without anything else.
 
Nina

Nina

Well-Known Member
Messages
960
Helen said:
Guys , i see people try to get better why smoking pot . It is impossible, Pot effects very reason of these imbalances. It effects cortisol , ppar, it effects serotonin , 5AR

You cant get better while you smoke pot. People got PFS from pot solely without anything else.
Click to expand...

Lol 9/10 people i meet my age smoke weed these days and they already have problems from it like paranoia stuff but still wonder why
 
Helen

Helen

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Messages
5,415
Nina said:
Lol 9/10 people i meet my age smoke weed these days and they already have problems from it like paranoia stuff but still wonder why
Click to expand...

yeah, Nina, all my friends who smoked pot heavily got totally fucked from it.

I think US by legalizing pot will have half of california fucked up, then just imagine how much money those assholes can make with all the SSRI, drugs, doctors etc
 
Nina

Nina

Well-Known Member
Messages
960
Helen said:
yeah, Nina, all my friends who smoked pot heavily got totally fucked from it.

I think US by legalizing pot will have half of california fucked up, then just imagine how much money those asshole can make with all the SSRI, drugs, doctors etc
Click to expand...

Yeah i know, it fucked up my brother too. He got diagnosed with PTSD and depression after he quit pot, took SSRI and got even worse in the end.
 
J

Jaxx

Well-Known Member
Messages
683
RebelWithACause said:
Weed is shitty drug. Makes you feminine and soft.
Click to expand...
I havent touched it in years, but i loved it when i was working too much and was stressed. Made me calm and i slept great. Only did it on weekend evenings though, didnt affect my work negatively at all.
 
N

Namelk

Well-Known Member
Messages
107
Yes, I took anavar for 8 weeks 90 mg daily with testosterone for 8 weeks 500 mg, I did not feel anything during the cycle, only a slight increase in muscle mass that regressed after stopping because I believe I am already in my muscle limit natural that my body can maintain, it is difficult to stop smoking but I will try, when I stop I do not feel anything different I go there and I continue smoking because it is the only thing that gives me a little fun in all this
 
You must log in or register to reply here.