MNK99
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 5,354
MNK99 — 6:26 AM
I wne thru a lot,.. including neck dislocations, heart pain.. and abandonment at times by family, it's hard to get over all that, but I will get some CPTSD and other therapy. Srry for coming across in amesed up way. ANd i mean i was extremely depressed even like maybe 6-8mo ago, and even weeks ago, but for sure 6mo-2yrs ago, and in 2017, and in 2008. so ive lost a lot of time to depression. And more crucial to me than "success", is authenticity, and values. As long as I make enuff to have a good life, help my parents out and bro who helped me before, then Im good. Anyways, I wish ev1 well. I'm hypersensitive at times, and at times say things I don't mean, and I'm sure a lot is dopamine spiking/ADHD meds. I may need to quit them too, and long run, HRT as well.. so that I can just heal with carnivore (further).
[6:30 AM]
I def, do not think IM perfect, and if I could easily write this all in 7 lines, or 5lines, I would. Sorry for being insensitive. And I wish ev1 well. It took hells to get good at trading, and realisitcally I shd have had guidance like 3yrs prior, but the lockdown and all. And same w school. I am toxically "perfectionistic", but ill be easier on myself and try and be easier on others, but perhaps im so self critical, that things come out wrong, and i hate hurting others' feelings so im truly sorry for that. I just want to b healthy/ have a good life... and not get more disabled, etc. I was nearly dead for a year. water fasting helped me... and like the ru486, ellaone, electrolyte protocol, and randro/4andro, the herbs, and other things. Meditation, lifting. Also it is v hard to edit at times, bc hypermobility makes it hard to type. SO i may say smthing i dont mean, want to edit it, but my condn and life and stuff get in the way. Disagreements aside, I wish nearly ev1 here well, even the ppl that dislike me. I also deleted most negative/ bad things, and disjointed things, but came back here and had lots of anxiety, and neck/etc pain at the time. Nyways I hope this makes sense. Have a nice weekend Entropy and ev1.
MNK99 — 6:34 AM
Things come out wrong, and trust me I have faults and admit them, but lots is bc of NPD stuff ppl that raised me.. but im working on that. Not ev is amazing i still feel sick if I eat carbs (not pfs, but no carbs or little, then eating them, insulin stuff, and craving). I also was literally sxually assaulted, almost killed in early 20s i got lots of worries/past traumas, so im short here.. bc i know there's self work to do, i just don't think that most of it is related to PFS, and the like either tho. I feel mad bc i was literally abused bc of EDS and never knew for a long time... so that sucks, but i try the best I can. if i really succeed, i can help more young ppl and older ppl whtaever with EDS, ADHD, and maybe autism and the like. CPTSD (medically for sure). So there's lots of pressure. I likley will make more form other stuff than from law, but i also earned nothing for yrs. and yeah i oculd think of other ways that don't screw my anxiety so much, but who knows. so i still want to cure anxiety, CPTSD, and help hEDS/hSD. If you met me in person, id mostly be a really nice person, but yeah i feel really hurt and like making frds/ trusting ppl is really hard.
[6:37 AM]
proud of self, def don't want to come across too self centrered, or egotistical will actually try getting more ego death, super sensitive so I think even weed, edibles do that to an extent. but the accompanying anxiety attacks... and worsened hypermobility (tho temp) isn't good. ive been hurt a lot, bc of things i cant control incl getting sick, and also like also bc of hEDS/HSD, so i dont want to complain abt it too much, but yeah it is hard. I also dont want to post tm anywhere online, bc i literally went thru extortion/robbery at 20-21. And i mean, i don't need ev1 knowing that i have a disability. so there's a lot to wrry abt. anyways gonna get rdy and get some exercise in.
[6:38 AM]
just made someone that works w a scammer whale that makes fun of sick kids, literally made this person that makes mny with him. quit. lots of what i do is for others and just for being a good person.
[6:39 AM]
donated underwater a ton (like negative unrealized) to ukranians (at least i hope so, some big organization), in start of war. im not a bad person. nyways editing down later /using ai, or just spending an hr or so editing down. ALso lastly alll the communication issues, needing to rebuild life.. after 2 or 8 -or 10 yrs, makes it really hard to want to communicate properly, but ill try. (edited)
MNK99 — 6:43 AM
defs not my intention to make others feel bad. i was depressed many many yrs, like maybe lower grade than accute PFS and PSSD but still. ive seen relationships, career, etc broken before, and personality. and like way of life. everything. ability to function alone. im upset bc i mean i could not be here, and could be weorse off medically and physically etc if i just trusedted docs/ the system but realisitcally i was pretty clumsy as a kid.. they shd have known at lst something about connective tissue disorders.
[6:44 AM]
on the other hand maybe it's good I was not on stims at 8years old like a mate, that is into trading and biohacking, he was. In the UK. Others too in Canada and the USA. literally no one I know who was on ADHD meds as a little kid, like it. Or they liked it way too much (too high). That kind of thing, ill shorten as soon as I can, also not my intention.
[6:44 AM]
Rather use my skills, intelligence for good and help more thru creative work but can't leave other stuff undone too, but will soul search, meditate upon death and find rite path for me.
[6:45 AM]
also enlist ai use and therapist.
[6:46 AM]
--no fear of failure rejection sensitivity dysphoria no severe anxiety.. more help w EDS< ill feel a lot better/more fuifiilled and ill give back more but i mean it is scary opening up n admitting u literally have a phys issue and its permanent even tho my type of EDS/hypermobility is like a more minor/moderate one relatively. still sad over women i met pre pandemic. and also when i left apartment unable to walk.. so yeah my life's not super easy still. i felt like I could have been arrested for "being disabled", tho misunderstandings. (edited)
[6:49 AM]
ill be less self centredn(not ego tistical) but less inwardly focused and be more vulnerable but thats also exactly how u get killed.
I wne thru a lot,.. including neck dislocations, heart pain.. and abandonment at times by family, it's hard to get over all that, but I will get some CPTSD and other therapy. Srry for coming across in amesed up way. ANd i mean i was extremely depressed even like maybe 6-8mo ago, and even weeks ago, but for sure 6mo-2yrs ago, and in 2017, and in 2008. so ive lost a lot of time to depression. And more crucial to me than "success", is authenticity, and values. As long as I make enuff to have a good life, help my parents out and bro who helped me before, then Im good. Anyways, I wish ev1 well. I'm hypersensitive at times, and at times say things I don't mean, and I'm sure a lot is dopamine spiking/ADHD meds. I may need to quit them too, and long run, HRT as well.. so that I can just heal with carnivore (further).
[6:30 AM]
I def, do not think IM perfect, and if I could easily write this all in 7 lines, or 5lines, I would. Sorry for being insensitive. And I wish ev1 well. It took hells to get good at trading, and realisitcally I shd have had guidance like 3yrs prior, but the lockdown and all. And same w school. I am toxically "perfectionistic", but ill be easier on myself and try and be easier on others, but perhaps im so self critical, that things come out wrong, and i hate hurting others' feelings so im truly sorry for that. I just want to b healthy/ have a good life... and not get more disabled, etc. I was nearly dead for a year. water fasting helped me... and like the ru486, ellaone, electrolyte protocol, and randro/4andro, the herbs, and other things. Meditation, lifting. Also it is v hard to edit at times, bc hypermobility makes it hard to type. SO i may say smthing i dont mean, want to edit it, but my condn and life and stuff get in the way. Disagreements aside, I wish nearly ev1 here well, even the ppl that dislike me. I also deleted most negative/ bad things, and disjointed things, but came back here and had lots of anxiety, and neck/etc pain at the time. Nyways I hope this makes sense. Have a nice weekend Entropy and ev1.
MNK99 — 6:34 AM
Things come out wrong, and trust me I have faults and admit them, but lots is bc of NPD stuff ppl that raised me.. but im working on that. Not ev is amazing i still feel sick if I eat carbs (not pfs, but no carbs or little, then eating them, insulin stuff, and craving). I also was literally sxually assaulted, almost killed in early 20s i got lots of worries/past traumas, so im short here.. bc i know there's self work to do, i just don't think that most of it is related to PFS, and the like either tho. I feel mad bc i was literally abused bc of EDS and never knew for a long time... so that sucks, but i try the best I can. if i really succeed, i can help more young ppl and older ppl whtaever with EDS, ADHD, and maybe autism and the like. CPTSD (medically for sure). So there's lots of pressure. I likley will make more form other stuff than from law, but i also earned nothing for yrs. and yeah i oculd think of other ways that don't screw my anxiety so much, but who knows. so i still want to cure anxiety, CPTSD, and help hEDS/hSD. If you met me in person, id mostly be a really nice person, but yeah i feel really hurt and like making frds/ trusting ppl is really hard.
[6:37 AM]
proud of self, def don't want to come across too self centrered, or egotistical will actually try getting more ego death, super sensitive so I think even weed, edibles do that to an extent. but the accompanying anxiety attacks... and worsened hypermobility (tho temp) isn't good. ive been hurt a lot, bc of things i cant control incl getting sick, and also like also bc of hEDS/HSD, so i dont want to complain abt it too much, but yeah it is hard. I also dont want to post tm anywhere online, bc i literally went thru extortion/robbery at 20-21. And i mean, i don't need ev1 knowing that i have a disability. so there's a lot to wrry abt. anyways gonna get rdy and get some exercise in.
[6:38 AM]
just made someone that works w a scammer whale that makes fun of sick kids, literally made this person that makes mny with him. quit. lots of what i do is for others and just for being a good person.
[6:39 AM]
donated underwater a ton (like negative unrealized) to ukranians (at least i hope so, some big organization), in start of war. im not a bad person. nyways editing down later /using ai, or just spending an hr or so editing down. ALso lastly alll the communication issues, needing to rebuild life.. after 2 or 8 -or 10 yrs, makes it really hard to want to communicate properly, but ill try. (edited)
MNK99 — 6:43 AM
defs not my intention to make others feel bad. i was depressed many many yrs, like maybe lower grade than accute PFS and PSSD but still. ive seen relationships, career, etc broken before, and personality. and like way of life. everything. ability to function alone. im upset bc i mean i could not be here, and could be weorse off medically and physically etc if i just trusedted docs/ the system but realisitcally i was pretty clumsy as a kid.. they shd have known at lst something about connective tissue disorders.
[6:44 AM]
on the other hand maybe it's good I was not on stims at 8years old like a mate, that is into trading and biohacking, he was. In the UK. Others too in Canada and the USA. literally no one I know who was on ADHD meds as a little kid, like it. Or they liked it way too much (too high). That kind of thing, ill shorten as soon as I can, also not my intention.
[6:44 AM]
Rather use my skills, intelligence for good and help more thru creative work but can't leave other stuff undone too, but will soul search, meditate upon death and find rite path for me.
[6:45 AM]
also enlist ai use and therapist.
[6:46 AM]
--no fear of failure rejection sensitivity dysphoria no severe anxiety.. more help w EDS< ill feel a lot better/more fuifiilled and ill give back more but i mean it is scary opening up n admitting u literally have a phys issue and its permanent even tho my type of EDS/hypermobility is like a more minor/moderate one relatively. still sad over women i met pre pandemic. and also when i left apartment unable to walk.. so yeah my life's not super easy still. i felt like I could have been arrested for "being disabled", tho misunderstandings. (edited)
[6:49 AM]
ill be less self centredn(not ego tistical) but less inwardly focused and be more vulnerable but thats also exactly how u get killed.