Namaste

[namaste]

Hi everyone. I thought I'd post my story in case it helps anyone else.

I was put on SSRI antidepressants by the age of 13. At the time I was being treated for OCD. Throughout adolescence I had libido and was able to masturbate/orgasm. I never developed a sex drive or feelings of sexuality though. I didn't think anything of this until I was in college, where I quickly realized that there was something wrong. Around the age of 20 I decided to go off my medication. As far as I can recall, my libido tanked almost immediately and I started to develop symptoms of HPA dysfunction. During the 5 years since, my HPA and libido issues have steadily gotten worse. In my current state, I suffer from the following:

-No sex drive, very low libido (can occasionally masturbate)
-Dissociation/fogginess
-Fatigue
-GI issues
-Emotional numbing
-Poor sleep quality
-Fat distribution around hips
-Slightly puffy nipples

I am functional in the sense that I have a good job, quality friends, and spend a lot of time doing outdoor activities. My life could be much, much better though.

I am currently seeing a therapist to process long-standing issues that stem from my childhood. I believe this alone could potentially help with my HPA/cortisol issues. In the near future I'll be starting a full strength training and rock climbing program. My diet is much better than it used to be (mostly plant-based now). I also plan on doing a fast and methylation protocol in the coming months. Perhaps an anti-progestin and anti-prolactin trial if things look promising.

I am not only here for myself. I believe there are thousands more like me out there who were robbed of proper sexual development due to early SSRI use. For many years I thought I was simply asexual and would never be like most men around me. I no longer believe that to be true and want to help others in the same situation.

 

[tfcjesse]

Hi namaste, no mention of your yoga practice?

I have seen first hand the effects of chronic SSRI use. The emotional numbing is blatant in many people.

Sometimes I wonder about which path is preferable: to have never experienced health issues and be blissfully ignorant of the underlying pathways that determine our health (and therefore subject to the potentially harmful effects of propaganda or persuasion by other means to our health's detriment), or to have experienced certain health issues and embark analytically and scientifically to resolve them (all the while absorbing the ancillary topics that must be investigated in relation to one's specific ailment). Perhaps a balance between the two is best and I think forums like these contribute immensely to forward progress.

But back to your yoga, do you practice?

 

[Canari]

I think the blissful ignorants are violent without knowing it... By saying you can overcome everything with some willpower and positive thinking, "just forget about what happened and go on with your life..." For those who are challenged in their energy, yoga and other traditional methods might offer them the big present of alchemy: It is not overcoming by "putting dust under the carpet" but transformation. Challenges are bad as long as your are overwhelmed, but also the fuel of victory and shine. Balance and homeostasis mean we are systemic, and many systems are at work in us and in life. Wish you the best!

 

[namaste]

Hi namaste, no mention of your yoga practice?

I have seen first hand the effects of chronic SSRI use. The emotional numbing is blatant in many people.

Sometimes I wonder about which path is preferable: to have never experienced health issues and be blissfully ignorant of the underlying pathways that determine our health (and therefore subject to the potentially harmful effects of propaganda or persuasion by other means to our health's detriment), or to have experienced certain health issues and embark analytically and scientifically to resolve them (all the while absorbing the ancillary topics that must be investigated in relation to one's specific ailment). Perhaps a balance between the two is best and I think forums like these contribute immensely to forward progress.

But back to your yoga, do you practice?

Hi Jesse - I have yet to get into a good yoga practice. Interestingly enough, I've read multiple studies that point to yoga as the best treatment for issues such as CFS. My guess is that it does more for reprogramming the HPA and nervous system than most other modalities. What type of yoga do you recommend and how often should I be engaging in it? On a side note, I am currently seeing a therapist whose primary modality is trauma dynamics therapy. This is a 'ground-up' somatic approach that focuses on the nervous system and sensations in my body rather than thoughts. Very interesting stuff.

SSRI's do tend to numb emotions, that is true. I worry at times that my issues are permanent due to the age at which I took the drugs. I suppose there is no other way to find out than diving head-first into the remedies being discussed here. The worst that can happen is that I feel 50% better than I do now, which would still be better than I've ever felt in my life.

Your philosophical question has popped into my head at times. I think balance, as you said, is the correct answer. Had it not been for the issues I've suffered through, I would not know about the HPA axis, nervous system, neurotransmitters, etc. That being said, it would have been nice to experience the joys of a strong sex drive during my late teens and early twenties.

 

[namaste]

I think the blissful ignorants are violent without knowing it... By saying you can overcome everything with some willpower and positive thinking, "just forget about what happened and go on with your life..." For those who are challenged in their energy, yoga and other traditional methods might offer them the big present of alchemy: It is not overcoming by "putting dust under the carpet" but transformation. Challenges are bad as long as your are overwhelmed, but also the fuel of victory and shine. Balance and homeostasis mean we are systemic, and many systems are at work in us and in life. Wish you the best!

Thank you Canari. I appreciate the tone of optimism in your posts. I saw that you mentioned Somatic Experiencing somewhere else on this forum. I happen to live near the SE Institute and see a therapist who uses a similar modality. I really enjoy the work we do together, as it is very different from cognitive-based approaches.

 

[Canari]

You could not be more lucky! Reading you made my hairs stand up on my skin... Can you imagine what it is for me, to be trained in this method, and to not have a therapist nearby? I manage to use it for myself a little though, or when I have a osteopathic treatment, like releasing the tension I had in my digestive system.

Usually there is quite a lot of information given during therapies. It is good to know that we are normal, with a body that we can trust is doing the best for us. That is why I could understand gbolduev when he was saying that we have to feel what we need, and most of all, that many of what we think of as health issues is nothing more -and nothing less- than our grreat body regulating us for our benefit. Still, we can be stuck in some feedback loops, and our bodies are ask for some support...

My optimism is about being able to feel at the same time some pain AND the inner being that is still there. It is just non automatic (pain reaction is...), and has to be cultivated.

Waoo, Ii was not expecting your answer...