Stupidfreak PFS Log

[TubZy]

Well theres real people who have got both mtf hrt and sex change surgery,and only thing i know about ru is that you guys on this forum love it and that irs a abortion drug

Edit:i have a lot of edits on my post since its really hard to type for me now

It's not just on this forum, look up bodybuilding forums as well they love it for the same reason. It even can help fix diabetes. Who cares what the drug is marketed for if it is shown that it is pretty safe and effective unless you are pregnant

 

[TubZy]

PM me if you want man ,regardless suicide is not the way to go anyways

 

[Canari]

Yes it has been discussed before, suicide is too hard for those who get the shock around you. And changing sex will not solve other side effects and your general feeling. Take RU and let it abort your bad sensations!

 

[MNK99]

"It's not just on this forum, look up bodybuilding forums as well they love it for the same reason. It even can help fix diabetes. Who cares what the drug is marketed for if it is shown that it is pretty safe and effective unless you are pregnant"

Exactly @TubZy. It's great to be drug-free, but we should look at drugs as "tools". If it helps us for what we need (I have various examples in my own life, where certain substances put me at a way better place than norm), than what's the difference.

@barbaar I'm suprised ADD meds caused your panic attacks, to the point of needing SSRI's. Usually to me at least it seems people are misdiagnosed w/ something else like anxiety and that messes them up with SSRI's, then later they find ADD meds. That's what happened to me. I mean I'm not surprised "hard" stimulants made anxiety worse, but I'm surprised about the path of your diagnoses. Not only do ADD meds help me there - but they help me stabilize mood too. All other psyche meds mostly are bad news bears tho for me. We're all wired differently but a lot of meds are just straight bad for us all.

 

[MNK99]

@stupidfreak

" feel defective,pathetic as a man(i would even prefer beqing a eunuch rather than this)and i want to start MtF HRT and have sex reassigment surgery.This seems to me the only way to live a semi-pleasant life and the other option is only suicide.However,im afraid that my endocrine system is so fucked up that i wont be able to respond to it."

This is an extremely drastic option. As a genetically born male... If we think PFS is bad... think about the side effects of spironolactone and estrogen-therapy. And top and bottom surgeries. We've been feminized to a degree. Further feminization is unlikely the answer. We went against our biological nature, and correcting it back to homeostasis is a more direct answer. Fasting has helped me a lot (I feel more human again), and the other things in my plan will too (discussed in hackstasis).

It's HARD man, it really is. I've gone through two major adverse drug reactions - one of them I was 20 years old. I nearly lost my life and was too crazy to actually see it (I don't like admitting this, but its true). "Solving" your issues by transitioning would necessitate more and more endocrine drugs (and psyche drugs). Suicide rates as mentioned by someone else here are HIGH in the transgender community. Possibly higher than bipolar.

Drugs are tools. But the wrong drugs lead to more and more drugs, and more and more side effects, and more and more identity crises. If you truly want to do it, then I can kind of understand. I'm not judgemental in that respect. But, you're 23 man. I didn't really know who I was (kind of) till I was like 26 or 27.

I survived one horrific adverse drug event, setting off months-long mania (Effexor XR). So as demoralizing and depressing as PFS is -- I have the balls to solve it. You can too. Trust me you don't want 3 and 4 and 5 psychiatric diagnosis in addition to gender reassignment + PFS. These additional diagnoses though caused situationally, would likely follow.

It's harder than it seems. People who know at 15 or 16 years old might be happier. Keep in mind, people have de-transitioned too. People who were dead-set on getting it.

W.r.t. RU. Drugs are used everyday everywhere in the world for other reasons than the original patent/purpose (which can cause a lot of issues). Sometimes it's worth it though. Did you know that cocaine was used as a surgical anesthetic in the past? Or that there used to be prescription methamphetamine for ADHD (desoxyn)? "Crystal meth" (street grade) is obviously used for other things now (getting people hooked to drugs). High dose caffeine can stop some allergic reactions?

By the way there is someone who transitioned supposedly because of PFS. "Mandi McKee", you mentioned them.

We all need to learn to live with regrets.

 

[Ivy]

Please, don't get yourself in worse trouble. This is the wrong motivation for transitioning. Ask around to see who has benefitted from what protocols. Or try a water fast, at a clinic, if you will. You are young, your body has healing ability. Be kind to yourself.

 

[stupidfreak]

Please, don't get yourself in worse trouble. This is the wrong motivation for transitioning. Ask around to see who has benefitted from what protocols. Or try a water fast, at a clinic, if you will. You are young, your body has healing ability. Be kind to yourself.

But why is it wrong?i dont feel like a male anymore.I dont know what kind of motivation you need more.Baseline is that im not happy in this pathetic body and with these useless genetals.Maybe my organism will be better off on estrogen,rather than living with T wich i cant even synthesise correctly

 

[MNK99]

@stupidfreak

There are few instances in humanity that are 100% "right" or 100% "wrong", outside of violence or taking away someone's power, or attacking someone, stealing something, hurting someone, etc. We're just saying it's not necessarily the most sensible way to attack this current health crisis.

It would be like me going back to stimulant abuse (not proper use, which will help me) and alcohol, to "get through this". It won't fix my issues. That's something I'd probably resort to in my early 20's. It may make me "seem/feel better" in the short run, but it's self-destructive. Fixing my physical and mental and cognitive issues caused by PFS, so I can be the person I'm meant to be -- is a better solution. Whether in business or life, go to the root cause of the situation, or to as close to it as you can. Psychotherapy is helpful too - when you get the right person for your needs. Treat medical professionals as a business transaction. If they help you achieve self-fufillment or get closer to your goals then sure.

Is your net goal to be female?

I don't know if this guy is great or not, but it may be worth a shot on skype.
Post-Finasteride Syndrome Therapy | Matthew Bruhin & Associates

Also stay off Propeciahelp. If you can't help yourself with that - block the site. Use K9 web protection and terminal.
Lots do that for nofap and such. The info's on the net.

 

[stupidfreak]

@stupidfreak

There are few instances in humanity that are 100% "right" or 100% "wrong", outside of atrocities, murder, rape, destroying communities, drunk driving, etc. There are shades of grey all around us.

We're just saying it's not necessarily the most sensible way to attack this current health crisis.

It would be like me going back to stimulant abuse (not proper use, which will help me) and alcohol, to "get through this". It won't fix my issues. That's something I'd probably resort to in my early 20's. It may make me a better worker, but it won't make me happy alone. Fixing my physical and mental and cognitive issues caused by PFS, so I can be the person I'm meant to be -- is a better solution. Whether in business or life, go to the root cause of the situation, or to as close to it as you can. Psychotherapy is helpful too - when you get the right person for your needs. Treat medical professionals as a business transaction. If they help you achieve self-fufilment or get closer to your goals then sure.

Is your net goal to be female?

I don't know if this guy is great or not, but it may be worth a shot on skype.
Post-Finasteride Syndrome Therapy | Matthew Bruhin & Associates

Yes,its the only goal that keeps me alive for now

Yeah,i did psychotheatropy,it didnt help as much.When your sides are so fucking bad theres so much therapist can tell you.

Will have to go to psychiatrist after i find out about my chances.

 

[MNK99]

In my experience, I've gone through a life-changing surgery I considered major or others did around me (they didn't "get it" though until I repeatedly explained to them). It was an abdominoplasty. It was just a sort of "check-mark to me". So I didn't fear the pain. I went thru it with PFS no less.

It was hard at times. But not getting it done was worse. But it took me like 8 years to get it after I settled on it.
From experience medications are worse. And I include feminizing agents in that category as well as antidepressants.

Transitioning requires drugs like Spiro, Flutamide, and Finasteride/ Dutasteride, etc. Estrogen, I think and more.
Not to mention all the other stuff -- making your body more feminine. Personally speaking, I'd probably be dead if I was on all that. If people are scared of abdominoplasties and such, they should consider these surgeries and drugs. It's one of the most serious and invasive class of plastic surgery available. And if you don't want the surgery and only the drugs. Well if FIN makes you feel this way, can you imagine what those listed drugs will make you feel like. We have androgens in our brain and neurosteroids and neurotransmitters that have taken a hit.

I consider finasteride and effexor to be kind of a labotomy and castration to me. But, I overcame a lot. Overcoming what all those above drugs (transition drugs) would do -- would take forever. I'm not sure it would be possible.

Just like I'd be dead or want to be dead if I was on Effexor, Seroquel, etc, etc. If I listened to what my doctors thought was right when I was 21. I know more than them about my situation and who I am, and what I need. But, I knew that infinitely more at 26 than I did at 23. What you think you NEED, can be very different soon and can run diametrically opposed to what you actually need in the long-run.

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Is it possible that you wanted to transition before finasteride use? If that's the case... it will be a while still.
Deal with one thing at a time.

The brain can be rewired. We've been rewired I think with these conditions, negatively. What you're proposing can very easily, further drive you down that dark road.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Dying isn't the answer nor is screwing yourself up more. It's not your fault at all nor anyone here's fault to feel like this. But in life, it's on you to fix it. There's help here.

 

[joekool]

Have you tried Randro or proviron?

A fast?

Have you spoken to your doctor regarding the choice of such a surgery? There's usually a psych eval for such a process.

We all felt what you felt and have seen results. Trust us here, you have a chance at recovery. We all have seen improvements.

 

[JasonSky]

Try a water fast to help reset your receptors/cellular cleansing, perhaps start with a 3day one but you can do more or less depending on what you think you can handle; but do a bit of research first before jumping into it. It honestly helped me recover from virtually all of my brain fog/ and most of my sleeping problems/ general mental sides.

It has been about 9 months or so on the road of recovery for me, and I pretty much just have libido issues left. As @joekool said we have all seen improvements, but it will take a bit of time.

Hang on there bud and don't do anything rash, things will get better.

 

[stupidfreak]

I pretty much water fasted without realising for 2 days(ate a loaf of bread and 2 chicken pieces today).No effect

 

[MNK99]

Agreed. Fast, build up to longer ones if you need to.

I think you would benefit from longer fasting. I water fasted 5 to 6 days a couple times, some effect. Not enough to bring my charm and personality back nor my belief that I could fix this. Let alone end brainfog/ depression. I did 2 days also... didn't help much. I routinely did 1-2 days for years because it helped me to plan meals better and intermittent fasting and fitness, and work/school. That helped me lean up and elevated GH and leanness, but isn't what we need here to cleanse/detox and reset receptors.

A longer fast is probably not enough to cure this all either (unless maybe if it was really really long). It's a good step to take though.

Also "Do Transgender People Still Need To Take Hormones After Their Reassignment Surgery? | HuffPost"

She still needs her hormonal drugs life-long or long-term, even after transitioning. To answer your question about RU being some hormonal altering drug long term. I've done substances in my life, prescribed and otherwise. I'd rank RU486/ulipristal way beneath them in terms of risk potential. In fact I think I need it.

I seriously think I could have fasted longer back in the day and avoided a particular medicine that I used, pre-pfs. Maybe I'm wrong. It was for a supposedly incurable condition too.

 

[barbaar]

@barbaar I'm suprised ADD meds caused your panic attacks, to the point of needing SSRI's. Usually to me at least it seems people are misdiagnosed w/ something else like anxiety and that messes them up with SSRI's, then later they find ADD meds. That's what happened to me. I mean I'm not surprised "hard" stimulants made anxiety worse, but I'm surprised about the path of your diagnoses. Not only do ADD meds help me there - but they help me stabilize mood too. All other psyche meds mostly are bad news bears tho for me. We're all wired differently but a lot of meds are just straight bad for us all.

Anxiety and depression were preexisting, the panic attacks were just what broke the camel's back. Stimulants really aren't good for me. I remember a few "episodes" where I was convinced everyone around me was looking at me, talking about me and laughing. I should've quit the meds the first time that happened and I would've been so much better off, but I wanted to stay on them because they helped so much with my super challenging uni work :/

 

[MNK99]

@ Barbaar... I've sadly had them all. Panic attacks to all the other stuff. Depression, ADHD.
I was in science and the mania, forgettfulness, and lack of routine on antidepressants made me stop going to class.
Also various bad factors around me. I switched to economics which was more lax but still ... I finished like 45 classes without stimulants, but 2 unis... It was a nightmare. I didn't know what my classes were, when exams were, etc on SSRI's. In fact years later, I barely knew what they were without triple checking with agendas and taking pictures of my schedule.

I literally felt like I may accidentally blow up the lab in my science labs or burn myself, had to stay overtime to redo my mess-ups. I'm clumsy af. The shop teacher in junior high asked me if I was on drugs... I didn't do any till like 5 years later and they were prescription SNRI's. Worse than any real drug for me.

I wish I was on those meds back then. But, of course they aren't for everyone. AT least they have short half-lifes and don't cause major discontinuation syndromes (minus addiction and people clearly abusing them). True ADHDers are addicted to things anyways. If it helps it helps... if it makes things worse... then ya forget them. Much of my anxiety was ADHD caused and school caused, fear of living up to my potential. They've been life-savers to some that I know. Others use them and are just lazy. A lot of partiers just use them to get high. A friend with Asperger's - they literally make him 1000* more functional. And someone I know that was a former heroin user (but super smart), they saved his life too (stimulants). He's turned his entire life around. SSRI's made me from like 60-70% functional to like -1000%.

 

[barbaar]

@MNK99 I agree man, I wasn't bashing ADHD meds, a lot of people greatly benefit from them if they really need them. They just weren't for me.

And lol that sounds so familiar, being asked if I was on drugs. That happened to me more than once in highschool, and the worst I did is smoke weed once on the weekend lol. I avoid that now though because it makes me completely shut down, I'll just sit in the corner and not say anything all night. Not fun.

 

[Canari]

Hi Freak (I cannot write the word stupid...)

But why is it wrong?i dont feel like a male anymore.I dont know what kind of motivation you need more.Baseline is that im not happy in this pathetic body and with these useless genetals.Maybe my organism will be better off on estrogen,rather than living with T wich i cant even synthesise correctly

Motivation? 1) save your money 2) Surgery is traumatic for everybody, and you can get worse from it. Many people do not even relate their present problems to a past surgery, as the problems can show up only months after the surgery. 3) Even if your brain knows that a surgery is for a good result, your body reacts to it as if fangs were cutting you. We all process this during the recovery, without knowing this point, but some people process it less good, especially when other stresses are present.

Yeah,i did psychotheatropy,it didnt help as much.When your sides are so fucking bad theres so much therapist can tell you.

Will have to go to psychiatrist after i find out about my chances.

No psycho, no psychia, this is somato, body feeling. You need to process all traumas, accidents, shocks, chemical aggression at the level of the autonomic nervous system before you can process it at limbic and central nervous system level. This is called a bottom-up approach, instead of a top-down approach.

 

[MNK99]

"And lol that sounds so familiar, being asked if I was on drugs." Happened to me like 100 x especially post-effexor.
When sober!

Sorry @stupidfreak for derailing your thread.

 

[Ivy]

But why is it wrong?i dont feel like a male anymore.I dont know what kind of motivation you need more.Baseline is that im not happy in this pathetic body and with these useless genetals.Maybe my organism will be better off on estrogen,rather than living with T wich i cant even synthesise correctly

This is the most personal post I have ever written, please take the time to read it carefully. And, even if just for a moment, be grateful for every gesture of support and encouragement you are getting from the forum.

As a female who has had a tough time accepting she is a female, I feel entitled to say that gender is too complex an issue to be decided upon solely on biological faults, especially if they are self-perceived. And believe me, I'm very feminine, curvy, soft, gentle, very prototypical. But having been told I had androgenetic alopecia at 16 did mess up my psique. Not only was the prescribed therapy damaging (Spironolactone made me menstruate every 15 days, the dermatologist never even warned me!) and expected to become a lifelong commitment, I grew up thinking something was very wrong, very mixed in me. Losing hair is in itself so catastrophic no one ever reflects upon the cruelty of the wording in this case. Looking back, I can see how I built a self-image that was totally stained by this diagnosis. I developed androgynous looks and behaviours because they seemed like a better match for what I perceived was my flawed hormonal cocktail. I never thought of transitioning, but at some point donating my breasts and eggs seemed like a good idea. I'm positive I alienated many people, as I consistently covered my body and unsexed myself. It has taken many years, many lovers and friends, a hair transplant and permanent self-kindness for me to feel ok in my femalehood and not like a second rate balding woman. And since I'm hardly cured, I'm also preparing myself for a headshave once I'm strong enough not to doubt my worth and place such a heavy load of social, professional and personal anxieties on my scalp.

I am fully aware that my reproductive functions and organs were not affected and I can't pretend to know how disturbing that might be. Still, it's not because you feel like a flawed man that you should become a woman; the learning you need, albeit long and strenuous, has to do with a recovery of health alongside a mental makeover. The man you can still be exists way beyond your testicles.