This is the most personal post I have ever written, please take the time to read it carefully. And, even if just for a moment, be grateful for every gesture of support and encouragement you are getting from the forum.
As a female who has had a tough time accepting she is a female, I feel entitled to say that gender is too complex an issue to be decided upon solely on biological faults, especially if they are self-perceived. And believe me, I'm very feminine, curvy, soft, gentle, very prototypical. But having been told I had androgenetic alopecia at 16 did mess up my psique. Not only was the prescribed therapy damaging (Spironolactone made me menstruate every 15 days, the dermatologist never even warned me!) and expected to become a lifelong commitment, I grew up thinking something was very wrong, very mixed in me. Losing hair is in itself so catastrophic no one ever reflects upon the cruelty of the wording in this case. Looking back, I can see how I built a self-image that was totally stained by this diagnosis. I developed androgynous looks and behaviours because they seemed like a better match for what I perceived was my flawed hormonal cocktail. I never thought of transitioning, but at some point donating my breasts and eggs seemed like a good idea. I'm positive I alienated many people, as I consistently covered my body and unsexed myself. It has taken many years, many lovers and friends, a hair transplant and permanent self-kindness for me to feel ok in my femalehood and not like a second rate balding woman. And since I'm hardly cured, I'm also preparing myself for a headshave once I'm strong enough not to doubt my worth and place such a heavy load of social, professional and personal anxities on my scalp.
I am fully aware that my reproductive functions and organs were not affected and I can't pretend to know how disturbing that might be. Still, it's not because you feel like a flawed man that you should become a woman; the learning you need, albeit long and strenuous, has to do with a recovery of health alongside a mental makeover. The man you can still be exists way beyond your testicles.
