Finally got around to moving my log over from the old forum.
2016: "The year from hell" My depression now was becoming difficult to deal with. So I realized that I needed to make some major changes in my life. I considered quitting my job, committing suicide, all sorts of things. In a more rational moment, I decided to just try and figure this ***t out (I'm a scientist by training). I was on two perscription meds at this point: singular for allergies and finasteride. Even in the darkest times, I still had strong libido.
April 2016: I quit finasteride and singular. While I experienced no change in mental state, my libido when crazy (as I now know is common) and then completely tanked. It was like that part of me has simply been removed. So now I was both depressed and had no interested in sex at all, as well as ED.
June 2016: The worst of the low. I was very dark - suicidal at times, which made me seek advice from my doctor. (Still not connecting the finasteride to my problems - yes I was slow). I went on bupriprion for 1 week. It made me feel crazy wired and gave me my first ever panic attack, but it also made me remember what normal might have felt like - I actually wanted to live and do stuff.
I quite the buproprion started therapy and saw a psychiatrist. He wanted to put me on lexapro - but this time i did some better homework and realized these people ended up not much better off mood wise - and got a whole bunch of nasty side effects. So began my long slow recovery.
July 2016-June 2017: I had always been interested in diet changes, having experimented with paleo and IF as well some other crazier ideas along the way (pre-fin). So one day, mostly out of desperation and exhaustion I started a fast. I only went 3 days, but by the end of it, I felt better than I had in ages. I did another 3 day fast and some more IF.
The next big step for me was discovering Rhodiola and Ashwanganda (I won't mention the ***t ton of other stuff I tried but didn't work). Rhodiola gave me the same feeling as buproprion without the panic attack and ash allowed me to sleep well for the first time in ages. I faithfully took 500 mg of Now Rhodiola in the AM and 1 Now Ash at night for 2 months. Then one day I just didn't feel like I needed it and the results stuck.
July 2017: I had been off Rhodiola and Ash for several months and almost felt normal again. No depression, suicidal thoughts, brain fog, ect... just calm and present. However, I had zero and I mean zero libido. I was determined that I was ready to get my life fully back so I resolved to myself that I probably had low T and, even if I had to go on T replacement, I was going to do it. So, I booked a visit to my doctor and got some bloods done. (Details at end of thread)
Throughout this time I had gotten back into the gym, lost some weight and started lifting heavy again.
SURPRISE: My T was high, my DHT normal, estrogen was high normal, SHBG was high, glucose borderline high, thyroid and lipids were excellent, 15% BF, cortisol high, DHEA high.
This all lead me back to finasteride. All the symptoms added up.
I am thankful for where I'm at today - as my depression was so severe I am be willing to take no libido over going back to that hell anyday - but I still am working for a complete recovery.
2016: "The year from hell" My depression now was becoming difficult to deal with. So I realized that I needed to make some major changes in my life. I considered quitting my job, committing suicide, all sorts of things. In a more rational moment, I decided to just try and figure this ***t out (I'm a scientist by training). I was on two perscription meds at this point: singular for allergies and finasteride. Even in the darkest times, I still had strong libido.
April 2016: I quit finasteride and singular. While I experienced no change in mental state, my libido when crazy (as I now know is common) and then completely tanked. It was like that part of me has simply been removed. So now I was both depressed and had no interested in sex at all, as well as ED.
June 2016: The worst of the low. I was very dark - suicidal at times, which made me seek advice from my doctor. (Still not connecting the finasteride to my problems - yes I was slow). I went on bupriprion for 1 week. It made me feel crazy wired and gave me my first ever panic attack, but it also made me remember what normal might have felt like - I actually wanted to live and do stuff.
I quite the buproprion started therapy and saw a psychiatrist. He wanted to put me on lexapro - but this time i did some better homework and realized these people ended up not much better off mood wise - and got a whole bunch of nasty side effects. So began my long slow recovery.
July 2016-June 2017: I had always been interested in diet changes, having experimented with paleo and IF as well some other crazier ideas along the way (pre-fin). So one day, mostly out of desperation and exhaustion I started a fast. I only went 3 days, but by the end of it, I felt better than I had in ages. I did another 3 day fast and some more IF.
The next big step for me was discovering Rhodiola and Ashwanganda (I won't mention the ***t ton of other stuff I tried but didn't work). Rhodiola gave me the same feeling as buproprion without the panic attack and ash allowed me to sleep well for the first time in ages. I faithfully took 500 mg of Now Rhodiola in the AM and 1 Now Ash at night for 2 months. Then one day I just didn't feel like I needed it and the results stuck.
July 2017: I had been off Rhodiola and Ash for several months and almost felt normal again. No depression, suicidal thoughts, brain fog, ect... just calm and present. However, I had zero and I mean zero libido. I was determined that I was ready to get my life fully back so I resolved to myself that I probably had low T and, even if I had to go on T replacement, I was going to do it. So, I booked a visit to my doctor and got some bloods done. (Details at end of thread)
Throughout this time I had gotten back into the gym, lost some weight and started lifting heavy again.
SURPRISE: My T was high, my DHT normal, estrogen was high normal, SHBG was high, glucose borderline high, thyroid and lipids were excellent, 15% BF, cortisol high, DHEA high.
This all lead me back to finasteride. All the symptoms added up.
I am thankful for where I'm at today - as my depression was so severe I am be willing to take no libido over going back to that hell anyday - but I still am working for a complete recovery.