-I dislike talking about actual things (I like being vague and not explicitly explaining details...)
-ANyways, I have hooked up a few times since pfs. OK, sometimes good. NOT NEARLY as good as say 19 or 24 months ago (before taking fin).
-WAY better than when I did hookup on fin (which only happened a few times, and also I did not realize why I was mentally "not there", and also physically). -twice while travelling -- AND basically I wasn't there in terms of understanding what is going on, and was in pain after. HAPPY that I got her, but it was STRANGE. Also, my first gf was after effexor/ barely felt anything initially and she was like 27 I was like 20, and I still didn't know what I was doing, but it got better. Late bloomer, I was a "nerd", lost my mind a bit later or before, probably before.
-A couple months later, I quit... then I had way worse problems than trying to attract women (suicidal, couldn't see properly, eat... recognize my street, buy food, bedridden, etc).
-I will be better after fixing some more issues, but rite now focusing on the future.
-AND (outside of pfs), I can't really trust nearly anyone, but get to know others quickly, but perhaps cannot have long term relnships just yet. MAYBE, but it takes A LOT of work, and trust is kind of needed. --Most girls in Toronto are extraordinarily fake.
-I wrote a long thing, got rid of it, meant to pm OP, but message gone. Then I wrote my semi-trolling post, bc the other one was too real, anyways transmission over.
-After medical instances, and crazy life events that were barely survived IT's easy to size up others; but also I'm easily able to write others off and distrust them.
-LITERALLY would run away from girls that liked me, in early to mid 20s a bit, because it was just too hard to trust or like or "love" and KNOW it would get fucked up somehow.
-HAD social skills -- but was very awkward and shy... ALso kind of hate people.
-MOSTLY do not give a fuck now, may be more shy as I get more urge to talk to someone specifically. BUT the thing is travel, get laid... Stay in Toronto... basically meet only flakes.... SO... kind of no point. Smaller cities, probably better. OR girls that are traveling to my city. Long term in big cities? better be done fixing that career bs, and have a sick place, or lie a lot.
-I'm too real to lie, but I tell half the story, the rest they can fill it in.
-Attraction is instantaneous and uncontrollable, and women hate fear/anxiety.
-AND: basically, being an asshole and intimidating does attract women too, but when you're stuck like that (bc you're stressed, not bc you're an asshole), you kind of don't have time or ability to turn it off. I move so fast, people literally dodge out of my way. All my male friends hate Toronto, even multimillionaires, and tall good looking white guys (i.e. dating should BE EASY) for them.
-MY brother likes it.... BUT, he parties a lot.
-I go to clubs and want to beat the shit out of someone.
-JUST a game of numbers, outside of marriage (also a game of numbers for too many ppl).
-There is still love out there, but business/money first. And mental/physical health. For me at least, not advising everyone to be like this.
-ALSO ON DEXEDRINE: literally roll my eyes at people trying to be friends or people that want to talk, even girls. OR I am so focused I see right past people, hyperfocused.
-BETTER than failing or getting fired all the time and literally lost. BUT, need to CHILL sometimes/ like wknds or after certain goals. CANNOT work 247 (not really productive anyways), but sometimes I need to, to catch up for all the other bs and wasted time.
-Better than at 23 or 24 , hypomania, falling in love with some engaged girl, and destroying my exams, and missing school like an idiot. More mature now.
-Better than 18, 19... etc, too shy and too funny (can't be too funny with hoes, they need to know you are out for sex, but not desperately, but that you get it... and have options).
-The whole game is so annoying, almost better to be asexual.
-OR at least accept living/working/studying/earning in 1 city, and dating/having fun in another (totally fine, but this was too complicated for me at 20).
-I tried to explain something like this, but everything I write and say comes out as something COMPLETELY different. I think too many things all at once sometimes, and try and be short/ then say something else. This isn't PFS.
-Running out add meds, gotta study bs tests. It's boring and annoying, and I want a ps4 k, and a home gym, and a new apartment, but I need to sit the fuck down and study.
-I learned from my player friends, read a lot of books, learn from douchebags too.
-BUT I'll always be me, can't fully emulate anyone. AND when they actually get into trouble, it's nothing to me, and they ask me for help. Everyone's different.
-I stress about packing and flying, bc I lose things, death threats or someone screaming at me -- I don't give a fuck.
-EASY things are often really hard for me, and HARD things are really easy. I can talk about anything, but probably 100s of times; I met a girl, and was so distracted forgot to get the number at the end. OR I see them in my building, could easily have hung out, but had exams or petitions, then later; I barely recognize/remember/care anymore. BUT sometimes I do, and it sucks.
-Better to not give a fuck period, about anyone. And just have sex and a fling once every couple weeks, or meet someone REAL, that actually is interesting and smart, and not super shallow. Some shallowness fine, but not only shallow. And keep long term relationships at some other point in time....
-I hate groups of people, often they try shyt, but all run off.
-I think I prefer fighting to friendship.
-YOUNGER, I just wanted friends and love. But people violate too much, so fuck it.
-I'll get long term relationships later, I could settle for some low quality girl or mid-hi, could do it sooner than later. -- Yeah I'd rather die.
-She's gotta be crazy like me, but not insane. OR very stable (that will not workout most likely).
-AFAIK, you need to have sex near first date, to make a long term relationships in big cities... or maybe everyone I know and see is a sociopath. Not sure.
-I see little cousins that have good (loving) relationships... I don't know.
