Fighting….

[bruschi11]

@bruschi11 "I didn’t go to my brothers engagement today. He got engaged and the families went over afterward to his house with his now fiance.
I’m an embarrassment to my family. I want to die sooooooooo badly. I hate every moment of this existence. Over means over. It’s OVER."

That is exactly the type of stress I was talking about all the time. We would do so much better in recovering if we were completely alone without any social pressure.
Especially in your case. From what I see your family is somewhat wealthy, higher status. That puts even more pressure on you than if you had just blue collar family that doesn't expect anything from you.. You still don't want to accept that it is huge factor that pressure from people around you. I am telling you. If you were completely alone where you didn't have to deal or think about anybody else. Your body would function completely differently.
I know you can't probably just cut everyone until you recover because you probably need them for financial support..
But all that constant gaslighting from people around you that don't believe you and who push your buttons all the time it breaks you down and leaves you crippled forever without any chance to get better.
Hard to believe that it is effecting you so much when you live in it years and years and you don't even feel anymore that you are under chronic stress..

To respond more to this.

I have put myself in a more isolated place. My family and friends all live about 30-40 minutes away in a certain suburb region north of Boston.

Instead of going way far away. And completely isolating myself. I moved yea that 30-40 mins away to a small city on the ocean. I haven’t recognized a single soul in my city the last 16 months that I’ve been here outside of my neighbors. It is awesome being a complete outsider that nobody knows in this situation.

I’ve been driving rideshare for a year. Nobody knows who I am. Again just a stranger.

I was popular and welll know athlete in my town growing up. Everyone knows what happened to me. I freaked out on Facebook about my situation a number of times.

I had tons of guy friends and girl friends growing up. I stayed in touch with most until about 3-4 years ago when things hit the fan. Now I keep in touch with maybe 5 guy friends and my ex. They all just don’t know what to do. It’s hard for them. And they get mad at me for taking supplements one of them specifically blames me for being sick. Another says I’m not doing meditation and that’s why I’m sick.

When I first got sick in 2017, I was distant from people for 6 months. When I got better I was happiest go Lucky guy and you can see that in my posts on hack in 2018. All my friends rallied around me and I was literally back to being most popular guy funnest person to be around while mostly sober. I would go out. Take a few hits of a vape pen while my friends would get drunk and I’d still be the wittiest of the group gaining the most female attention (I guess getting in really good shape didn’t hurt me here either.)

I just can’t believe what happened. I had the Lyme relapse and handled it with stride I remember some of funnest days of my life were during the relapse. Running around Boston with my shirt off when the Sox won the World Series in ‘18. I fully expected to recover.

One bad reaction to antibiotic and I was in fight for my life ever since 2019 now. Like what a fucking disaster

 

[Yura]

@bruschi11 Well ok so at least you don't have that 24/7 stress from having everyone in your face all the time that's great..
Btw while reading where you live "Manchester by the Sea" movie came to my mind instantly. Really sad, but great movie..

 

[bruschi11]

@bruschi11 Well ok so at least you don't have that 24/7 stress from having everyone in your face all the time that's great..
Btw while reading where you live "Manchester by the Sea" movie came to my mind instantly. Really sad, but great movie..

Yea it was one movie I remember watching during my first days of pfs to end 2016. I was badddd. Watching that movie was worst thing I could’ve done.

I’m not from a town or live in a town like that . Thats a rich ass small town Manchester. I would take my dog to their beach a lot in in late 2010s early 2020s. Only 30 mins away. Now I live in a place with beaches nearby so I stay local.

But the Manchester by the sea beach is possibly best beach on north shore. Great waves we don’t have much of that up here.

And for the record. I’m not from one of those historically wealthy city type families. Like my family was poor growing up. Both my parents didn’t have much. My grandfather started a business in 1980 and the the 3 sons jumped on 1 by 1 and they built something pretty amazing .

A trucking company that really went places (literally and figuratively lol). Ended up having 4 locations located throughout New England. Both over 50 trucks and 150 employees.

American success story. Until one of the grandchildren puts the wrong things in his fuckin mouth. Soooo stupid.

We sold company 3 years ago. I was the only cousin / brother who was into the business. Until I had pfs, I really thought I was gonna run the business myself one day. After pfs and that recovery. I wanted a stress free life. I was happy outside the office. I just hated being there after pfs.

I just realized there’s so much more to life than being inside an office all day. I hated that office. My whole 20s being in there all week with more of a health hangover from drinking the prior weekend. I’d literally feel bad until Wednesdays a lot of week.

In pfs I felt fine energy wise that year I got better. I was sober. And I wanted to be out and about. I wanted to see world and live. I did it a bit and I’m glad that happened for me.

But then the crashes started happening. And sure that office was a nice place to hide in when I was well enough. But my life cratered. I couldn’t be out and about golfing seeing friends all the time etc anymore. My ability to function just deteriorated over 6 years here and here I am bedridden with a horrible life

 

[Yura]

@bruschi11 That sucks bro. So what your parents think you should do. Did you showed them some youtube channels about CFS where they do interviews with other people with CFS. So they realize you are not making stuff up?
At least your friends should get it. I know with older people it is hard to convince them. They trust doctors that's about it.
I think the worst part is not that your life is on hold like that. The worst part is that your family thinks that you have just mental issues and don't trust you..
People who just get cancer have it so much easier. At least their family is not turning against them. Because everyone understands really well how serious it is when they hear word cancer.. Now thinking about it. At least I would try to get some diagnosis from a doctor. Do you think they can find something now that can be labeled?

 

[bruschi11]

@bruschi11 That sucks bro. So what your parents think you should do. Did you showed them some youtube channels about CFS where they do interviews with other people with CFS. So they realize you are not making stuff up?
At least your friends should get it. I know with older people it is hard to convince them. They trust doctors that's about it.
I think the worst part is not that your life is on hold like that. The worst part is that your family thinks that you have just mental issues and don't trust you..
People who just get cancer have it so much easier. At least their family is not turning against them. Because everyone understands really well how serious it is when they hear word cancer.. Now thinking about it. At least I would try to get some diagnosis from a doctor. Do you think they can find something now that can be labeled?

I dunno. My parents know I’m sick but don’t realize it got a lot worse the last 3 years. And the neuroquant MRIs show it but my parents literally can’t read a simple mri that tells you size of brain regions. The idiotic doctor reviewing it just said I’m autistic. While my mom didnt even listen to her and says “oh she didn’t seem that concerned”.

While my hippocampus is 5% of the average persons.

It’s all annoying.

We tried to get a doc involved recently. The doctor cancelled on me when I wouldn’t do his testing it made me freak out an online neuro test. Stupid stuff.

 

[RebelWithACause]

When you're sick or really bad people in general don't listen to you, it's like almost an evolutionary thing when someone is doing real bad people don't take any advice nor do they listen to your pleas for help. They just ignore you because you are a burden to their lives. This is at least what happened to me. I became completely isolated my friends didn't call anymore nothing. Before I got sick they always wanted to hang out and I was a popular guy. So this massive change caused a lot of psychological issues I didn't understand it.

That being said when I was really bad there were like 2-3 people and they weren't even family or close friends who said they were worried about me in real life. One girl and two guys. I never forgot those people in real life, they weren't even friends but it seemed like I was completely invisible to 99% of people and those people showed some care. Some people do care. But they might not be the people you expect to care ironically.

Later on my parents started to understand but this was only once I got over a threshold from being completely wrecked to somewhat normalcy. Before that they even disowned me and said I had to leave them alone. Then once I got better all of a sudden acted like nothing happened. It's a strange phenomanon. I think it comes from just survivability and maybe inability to understand your issues. TO them their life is still normal so they never learned maybe to deal with stuff like this.

Now I have a good relationship with my parents and they came back and said they were sorry and that they understand now. Because also PFS has become more mainstream there was an interview with a mother who's son comitted suicide here in The Netherlands and they saw it and this made them realise it is real. A lot of boomers they believe only mainstream things. It's the vice of their generaiton I guess. Just like milennials have their vices and gen Z, etc. Most people in general believe mainstream stuff. Just different channels now.

Anyways all I can say is I just stopped caring about others caring and focussed on getting better and try to not think badly about people and understand most people just follow their biological instincts and they focus on their own survivability. Whether that is concious or not. Only good thing was is that we had this forum active with people who tried to get out. That's powerful.

 

[bruschi11]

When you're sick or really bad people in general don't listen to you, it's like almost an evolutionary thing when someone is doing real bad people don't take any advice nor do they listen to your pleas for help. They just ignore you because you are a burden to their lives. This is at least what happened to me. I became completely isolated my friends didn't call anymore nothing. Before I got sick they always wanted to hang out and I was a popular guy. So this massive change caused a lot of psychological issues I didn't understand it.

That being said when I was really bad there were like 2-3 people and they weren't even family or close friends who said they were worried about me in real life. One girl and two guys. I never forgot those people in real life, they weren't even friends but it seemed like I was completely invisible to 99% of people and those people showed some care. Some people do care. But they might not be the people you expect to care ironically.

Later on my parents started to understand but this was only once I got over a threshold from being completely wrecked to somewhat normalcy. Before that they even disowned me and said I had to leave them alone. Then once I got better all of a sudden acted like nothing happened. It's a strange phenomanon. I think it comes from just survivability and maybe inability to understand your issues. TO them their life is still normal so they never learned maybe to deal with stuff like this.

Now I have a good relationship with my parents and they came back and said they were sorry and that they understand now. Because also PFS has become more mainstream there was an interview with a mother who's son comitted suicide here in The Netherlands and they saw it and this made them realise it is real. A lot of boomers they believe only mainstream things. It's the vice of their generaiton I guess. Just like milennials have their vices and gen Z, etc. Most people in general believe mainstream stuff. Just different channels now.

Anyways all I can say is I just stopped caring about others caring and focussed on getting better and try to not think badly about people and understand most people just follow their biological instincts and they focus on their own survivability. Whether that is concious or not. Only good thing was is that we had this forum active with people who tried to get out. That's powerful.

I hear u. Boomers suck in all this. They literally think doctors understand health. It’s hilariously pathetic

 

[Yura]

@bruschi11 I think it is not just boomers, but majority of all people. You have to experience some chronic health issues, find out that medical system is useless for that and research that for yourself. If you are lucky and you had just stuff that medical system can fix like acute stuff like injury from accident, some bacterial infection etc.. You have no reason to think that they can't fix everything.. You simply don't know that you don''t know.
I wish I didn't know as well. Knowing that you are on your own and if you go for help from doctors you probably end up even worse. That was really hard reality check.. Just thinking about the time when I was running around from doctor to doctor naive not knowing anything seeking help.. Gives me fucking anxiety..

 

[bruschi11]

Injected 5mg of test suspension and don’t even feel it. Something is very very wrong.

I think dhea is killing estrogen by raising estrogen receptor. Same with iodine. And I really need the androgens as e2 is just going way too low draining coppper making me very diabetic .

 

[freyadog]

Why don't you give e2 creme a try?

 

[bruschi11]

Why don't you give e2 creme a try?

First thing I tried 3 years ago. It helped for a day. When I crashed.

Yea…. I crashed on dhea and 4 andro . And then made them the soul approach to plans between late 2024 and recently. Besides a couple TRT cycles.

I have to realize what this is about . It’s about estrogen reception / utilization. And electrolytes.

Well overnight what happens from 10mg of test suspension. Lithium drops. Not much else. Chromium dropped. Fluoride too.

Estrogen reception uses lithium it’s clear . Have to use lithium. When lith drops. We can start retaining electrolytes. Chromium will come back online as potassium should get into better place.

But it might take a bit here.

 

[highserotonin90]

First thing I tried 3 years ago. It helped for a day. When I crashed.

Yea…. I crashed on dhea and 4 andro . And then made them the soul approach to plans between late 2024 and recently. Besides a couple TRT cycles.

I have to realize what this is about . It’s about estrogen reception / utilization. And electrolytes.

Well overnight what happens from 10mg of test suspension. Lithium drops. Not much else. Chromium dropped. Fluoride too.

Estrogen reception uses lithium it’s clear . Have to use lithium. When lith drops. We can start retaining electrolytes. Chromium will come back online as potassium should get into better place.

But it might take a bit here.

Can you help me understand what is needed to create these amino acids? Serine, cysteine, tryptophan, histidine. Or else point me to some texts or articles.

Thank you.

 

[bruschi11]

Can you help me understand what is needed to create these amino acids? Serine, cysteine, tryptophan, histidine. Or else point me to some texts or articles.

Thank you.

Just look at methylation pathways on google images.

 

[bruschi11]

Lithium and fluoride dropping from one night of testosterone suspension. Here we are back to test again. It is what it is . I have fluoride toxicity. Thyroid is way to treat it. Thyroid starts with bh4 via estrogen. Then iron sugar (inositol) electrolytes really all matter for bh4 after estrogen. And we need ER working so either vanadium or DHEA/ 4 andro is gonna have to go in and possibly be matched by preg.

The thing is overnight things changed a lot. Where some things changed for worse like b12 went lowest I’ve seen it in long time and cobalt dropped…

Now is that the body using lithium? Pressuring the fuck out of cobalt? I think it might be.

Hence why 2023 on b5 vanadium Ala on i went into torture besides when I took big doses of b12. The other piece was e2 dying so sulfur crashed as that’s what happens when e2 dies.

E2 =b5= cysteamine = mercury detoxifier

Amongst millions of other things.

 

[bruschi11]

I’m really hoping getting lithium downwards can help here. And the lithium toxicity is more important than the fluoride.

Fluoride went back up a bit. Lithium continues to drop. With that, sodium is dropping in bad way.

I think lithium is raising aldo and causing all sorts of issues. Which is why we need iron for cortisol. Via chromium.

 

[bruschi11]

I think it really starts with tyrosine —-> orotate—> lithium is used. Lithium turns aldo on by using b12.

Excess lithium / Aldo burns chromium potassium etc.

 

[bruschi11]

I think body needs to use lithium to make Aldo and Aldo needs fluoride.

Prescription Aldo is fludrocortisone. It’s fluoride based.

 

[bruschi11]

high fluoride is basically the body saying “dude you need to make Aldo”

 

[bruschi11]

It’s tough cuz it’s like this is where I was at 18 months ago. And I did make some progress back then but I’m so bad now. And I was bad then too even with the little progress I did make.

Realistically I gotta make t4 to make Aldo which uses up fluoride and frees up the hippocampus. Allows brain to use copper etc

I’m scared.