MNK's Log. PSSD Recov 12-18mo 10', PFS recov 11m-16mo 18’. hEDS/AuDHD/Markets.

[MNK99]

2.35am, Sun Apr 8th 2018:Saturday = good pretty much, ppl see I'm doing better and have plans for the future outside of pfs (i.e. work, and funds). Though they may not be exact plans. DEX CIalis good... RANDRO and 4andro cut short.
2.02pm, Sun Apr. 8th 2018:---At 3am fine, morning fine but stomach pain
-Trading convenience for financial returns. Just like I wouldn't trade freedom for safety. Want to workout more cannot 5 times this wk... increased, like a 23 yr old later.
-I will cycle ru soon as I've said, and it will be with PCT, and I won't run progesterone possibly ever. -I will cycle RU asap, before R-A/4-A Cycle 2, and pre-ARL.
-I'm supposed to be cutting/recomping but water retention and 5-7/10 digestion.--> BETTER than before but still fucked for months.

 

[MNK99]

Note:
-When I do take dex (will more after 1-2 cycles of ru, and microdosing),
-Coffee, less acidity, Baking soda with med only for hardcore studying, ideally when in optimal shape, do not want lots of tolerance and needing more. -Also take mag with it but not a ton (lowers energy) Take more at night to keep tolerance in check.
-And ideally take less nicotine... but for all the things I quit, pretty damn hard. Helps asthma not being on nicotine. -Get that other inhaler, salbutamol.-did not.
-maybe only 1 Alpha GPC as often as possible, 2 on really stressful days. L-theanine IDK if it helps at all, maybe once in a while, tryrosine possibly too. -There are probably other things helpful for mood but I'd stay away from modafinil and noopept and racetams and all that. -Maybe I'll try and keep R-A/4-A at 300-400mg. 200-300 rest days, and 300-400 other days. Save money, and stock up in case of natural, economic, etc. disasters.
-Ostarine lgd in past fine. -KEEP at it! ---AND always sm doses of whatever I take. Minimized regime later for everything mood focus and pfs.
-5.48pm: (-CRYPTO , etc. stuff. - TIME differences. Working on some stuff.)200mg of ra/4a.1 GPC, 1.5 shots of caf, some nic 2pm then 5pm. And meal 1. by 6pm.

 

[Yura]

Man when I look at your log. You are really crazy. You take some synthetic stuff all the time etc.. I am reading and I have no idea what is going on here lol.. You never balance your biochemistry if you take things that you basically don't have idea what they are doing to your body.. I know it's hard. Your mind is racing all the time. You thing about all this crazy shit you are doing. But when some third person look at your log. He will just say wow this guy needs to just stop with this and relax.. I bet that you would be much better if you do nothing. Just eat some balanced diet and maybe some supplements aminos, minerals, vitamins to balance your hair test and that's it. Your body will be always out of balance if you don't stop with all this things.. If I see correct your problems are 99% mental. You need to just focus on other things. So you will forget to think about your past, future, all this crazy protocols of drugs etc..

 

[MNK99]

-Pre-getting bitched at for being "MANIC" (this time, Yura):

Worked out 5x this week. Most in like 14-15mo. Still didn't walk or do that much cardio, etc but pretty good.
Energy still kind of low, but 7-8/10, but for someone who could operate with like 3hrs of sleep in like 4 days when needed, still low.
GOOD ENERGY, but lower than my baseline and has been but infinity times better than pre fast and before. NO andro no pct, better. NO stims also good.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Post:
-Dude, I've been thru tons of shyt in life, and was on "synthetics" 20-21 or 19-21 that's it then. And then: 3 yrs (and only one thing consistently).
Then, finasteride. Maybe, cure myself with ARL. BUT, I don't need to explain anything to you. NOWHERE HAVE I SAID ev1 should do this or that.

My mind is racing all the time, fair enough... but I also have 2 degrees and could get a Master's or Law degree (with a lot of stress), in the future.
A lot of people are wired...

Facial changes, testicle changes, shrinkage, severe depression (that I have never had to that extent -- more like 1-2 days max, and not 247 like it was 2-5months ago), have been healed by the "crazy things" I'm doing, and I did them because of much of the theory on here, and from advice of others.

My case is different from everybody else's and I said explicitly that a lot of things I do, most people should not. I will condense this all (the PFS relevant portions) to an executive summary later. I solved PSSD and way worse things solo, with zero help. So now that I have help here, I will make this pfs a thing of the past as well. I got friends "as crazy" than me succeeding in most aspects of life (probably not every single aspect of life, but no one's perfect).

The reason I came here was finasteride, but I'm making gains in the psych side of things as well. Did I do everything perfectly? I highly doubt it.

Regardless, I'll get cured.

Randro and 4andro will be like 12 weeks/52 weeks, I eat cleaner than 99%+ of people.
And other drugs will be even more short lived.

-I beat obesity,
-The aftermath of large weight loss.
-Life-threatening situations,
-And a hell of a lot more.
-Accutane
-Effexor
-Misdiagnosis
-Incorrect, near fatal treatment (twice).
-PSSD.
-Before I was 23 most of that.
-Way before any of this.
-Log looks erratic, because I talk about all those things here.
-I'm far from hopeless, if you think I'm screwed - that's fine.
-I agree that I need to forget the past though, and most of the time I have. But as I heal I remember things.
-IF you saw me on the street, you'd probably think this guy is pretty healthy.
-I've been far more "crazy" than this also.

Time heals all wounds, but scars never fade.

Also a huge percentage of what I write is actually just poetic license and for entertainment.

"I bet that you would be much better if you do nothing. " --> YOU'RE NOT SOMEONE to take advice from... regarding anything. --> update Aug 16: And I'd annihilate you.
I'll have some funds end of yr, and would have much more even now if not for this PFS bs. So no I'm not doing that badly, I go up 20% or so every 4-6 weeks,
and will be healthy again, I highly doubt all the people on here that hated on me have solved shyt in their life, actually I know that.

I've been through more than can be recalled, seriously. So don't you think I prepared to use any of the stuff I have or did?

 

[MNK99]

Synthetics?

Magnesium never killed anyone. -long term not that big a deal
Inhalers? Ever had an asthma attack? --it's too late to not take them, wouldn't have made it as a kid with asthma in -40 celsius w/o them.
Dexedrine? Killed probably no one, unless they had a heart defect or took 20-100x the dose they should. 0-100 times a year, and like 5x this last 15-16mo.
Coffee? I drink less coffee than when I was 16-20.
Amino acids? One nootropic at a baby dose? Actually "evens me out".
Randro and 4andro? literally loads of pfs-having people took that. -6 to 12 weeks or so in one year ever, is not bad at all.

Ppl with either disorder don't treat them once in a while, they treat them daily.

Trust me, the drugs that cause these post-drug disorders are practically worse than anything you could do to solve them.
-I'm not going into the hard neurological facts behind ADHD and cutting edge research on BPII on here. I've looked into them and even taught my doctors a ton (who I haven't seen in 1-2 years), so I'm pretty damn good considering I'm solving/working on multiple issues on my own.

I'm pretty sure I could do way worse things then what's listed here, and not suffer any longterm consequences.
Do I have cognitive, etc problems? Sure. I've dealt with them for years and I'm better than most people anyways, who haven't been through one tenth of what I have.
And that's not even including finasteride at all.

The only way I'd seem less erratic and never erratic is if I had 5 posts total. Or if I was on heavily sedating drugs (I'd be totally ruined then).

I went from worse than imaginable depression to >50% or so cured (I won't disclose actual amt, it's an estimate anyways and can go down). And I'm super self-critical, so probably higher. I always want more though.

IF I can get to higher levels of fixing pfs, without ARL... I don't see the problem. I can always buy the rec'd supplements later.

There are people on like 25 supplements and herbs and other things to beat this. And also: even that amount with no medical problem.
Trust me, knowing what I know about neurology and psychology, and myself, and adverse reactions -- if I could take nothing and cure it, at a fast rate...
I would.

As I said like 50x, "I don't recommend this for anyone." However, my actual posts that have a concise plan in them: They'd help a lot.
I've helped others on here and vice versa, so why call me crazy?

Most of my actual pfs-plans were planned with people who were in equally horrible states, and are far along, and some even further along than me.
It's not all random.

If anyone thinks I'm crazy, they probably don't have the balls to deal with what I have. It's easy to judge.

"Unbalanced", minerally or electrochemically (neurologically, psychologically) or not, I was literally at my best looking and brightest right before taking Lamotrigine and Finasteride rite after. I was in my prime, and will be there again, with other additions. Anything I take, I can take or leave it.

RE: "Man when I look at your log. You are really crazy. You take some synthetic stuff all the time etc.. I am reading and I have no idea what is going on here lol.. "

It's not for you, it's for me, and anyone who wants help - I'm there for people, despite disliking people, what have you done?

 

[Yura]

ok..

 

[MNK99]

Re: R-A/4-A cycle 1:
I think* I began Randro for real (not an occasional dose) March 7 or 8. And 4-Andro on March 19th. I'll quit and use PCT and microdose ru486* asap.

Start dates:
Mar. 8, R-A; Mar. 19, 4-A.
I.e. 33 days R-A; 22d 4-A.

Apr. 17:
-Update: R-A 43 days, and 4-A 33 days. Nearly enough of this stuff. I've had about enough. Makes mood and energy lower, and addictive tendencies a bit. Hurt knees temporarily. Shedding the whole time. But that's also related to something else.

Feels like forever. It's good., but I haven't taken it yet and have more focused energy and stable mood.,
it doesn't hurt much, but makes me tired, then again working out hard also makes a normal person tired. I'll hold on a bit longer.

-Note: for business, my other log - can only be edited within 7days, and there are market manipulators, so watch out for that.

-Apr. 21st nite 11.53pm:
-like R-A 47 days and 37 d 4-A, maybe less. IDK... get to 49 days, i.e. MOn... and take it ez take rest, and let this stuff come over time (let it ride).
-April 23rd complete. So 49 days R-A and 39 days of 4-Andro, sometimes high doses. But less on rest days the last 2-3 weeks for sure. SO end it...
-CYCLE ENDED. as at 9pm Mon April 23rd 2018.

-SO: Next step is PCT + RU microdose, so do that rite.
-this means. Meeting tmro, may set something up, something in also, and pitch to sm1 if asked, mild axn, and eat well. PCT+ru486 for health is key. Get 60-80% health soon.
-Apr. 24th written at 4.22am.
-diet+exercise log:
-putting this here, bc running out of room on old page.-getting healthier reqrs dedication, hence logged like 40 d. REMOVED bc you can pretty much und it's all the same.
-VEG and meat and fasted training and pushing self in gym to be best again.
-04.10.2018:
-5 randro and 5 4andro.
-msm, fish oil (joints and memory and detox). -puffs, coffee, and usual. -3 water+pro drinks 330cals/4.5gfat/84gp.
-chicken , rice, spinach, spices, fat, etc. -I am quitting Randro/4andro in 10-14 days. And taking micro ru*+pct.

-04.11.2018: ---> PRETTY AGRESSIVE TIMES. I am ready to fight nearly anyone.
-supps: MSM for joints, fish oil joints etc 4 caps. 3 dig enzymes with HCL.
-med: 2 Alpha-GPC (nootropic, 40% choline). 1pm, after coffee. -exercise: light walk to take care of stuff, maybe workout nite.
-meals: Pro+Spinach, tiny bit l.f. milk, pecans, some chicken spinach etc. 450cals/ 45gp, 14gc, 15gfat. 12.40pm whatever.
-Some rice barely any, 1in of butter, some protein + water, coffee iced, more x, 4ra and 4 4a, 4 after workout 8.15-9.15., 9 exercises tired but got into it. Nausea too.
-Snack: yogurt, olive oil, sea salt, pecans, almonds, later some more pecans. Some chicken. 450cals. So like 2100cals/160gp, 100gc, 75gf. Maybe far less.

-04.12.2018
-supps: R-A/4-A 2caps each, 2 GPC, coffee, MSM and Fish oil (these 2 are bc Randro hurts my knees), etc.
-exercise: rest day do not need to lift. Actually no I will lift, so I have free time to make money.
-meals: Coffee, spinach, protein, water, some l.f. milk -shake. Most pre workout and rest after. Some chicken and rice and spinach 200c or so, butter, at 4.30pm.
-Like 44gp, 170cals, 220cals with milk 46gp, 4.5gfat, 6gc + 300cals chicken/rice/butter 15gp, 20gc, 14gfat, so
-MEAL calcns removed. -Probably less more like 180gp, 150gfat, 150gc or 2670cals -total as per 2.30am Fri Apr 13.

-04.13.2018:
-supps: -coffee, gpc x2 1130-12pm, slept like 6.40 to 10.40 or 11 or so. Maybe 3hrs, can't recall. Pretty healthy, but planning prof school timing + market timing + want to show progress to family, so they don't ask me things. Forget it, let it stay in limbo for a bit.
--LOTS OF EX AND DIET -- same good or zig-zag, alternate day fast to min. fat gain/ max. LBM gain.
-04.18.2018:
-supps:
-exercise: -soon lift... 2 for week
-meals: 1. 2/3 of a 2 egg omellette, then 1/2 protein/inulin, spinach, almond milk, spinach shake so 65 soon 130cals/ 28gp, 2g fat, 2g carbs.
-I guess I had 2400cals/ 150-180gp, 80-120gcarbs. Too many carbs the day before.
--Raising fnds.
-04.19.2018:
-***probably end R-Andro cycle.*** Begin PCT.
-48 d serious plans work and school... plans were great, follow thru lacking/ outta hands itll get better.
.......
-Thank you Hackstasis. And GOD, for helping me... saving me from the hell of Post-finasteride syndrome and post-effexor (PSSD) too. Really sad, anxious... for a bit 1.48am Mon April 23rd. Thanks for saving me those times, and I never want to be that manic (effexor), enraged (hypomania), nor depressed (finasteride and after) again. NEVER AGAIN.

-04.23.2018: *Get in* - did some. Write rules and follow - don't deviate (business).
-supps: lots, but last day of this thing Randro/4andro I think. GPC, dx, baking soda, gpc, and just normal inhalers. NOT that bad at all, but stomach bad bc of fibre supp. Dign 70-
-ETC, etc. DIET and EXERCISE near perfect... for me. ADD sports rehab, pretty great. BUT hard. But easier over time.

 

[MNK99]

I got targets, monetary, financially, credential, human capital wise, healthwise, and beyond.
People who think I'm crazy, I am - but you know what else, I don't care. I got dates to have X amount of whatever by, and so forth.
And security too. I only rush to gtd, and to keep things afloat. There are few people that understand what it's like to always be "putting out fires." (ADHD, systematic rape, and more). I'm making sure future fires are solvable.
I'm making up for lost time, one way or another. Imagine being great, super hard working + resilient and destroyed every year or 6-10 yrs super destroyed. Whatever.
This is for entertainment only.
I have like 90,000 words to say, but I won't bother until the next step:
Writing rhymes, etc, stories again. Had some rap videos, removed, more professional this way. This isn't a fucking fairytale.

 

[MNK99]

Apr. 20: The Future is Bright.

(May elaborate later, probably won't on this aspect).
I'll update ru486 microdose 7-14days + PCT, in 4-10 days.

-Apr. 25: Feeling Better: -->55-60% + around this time, but I have high standards. That's 195 days.

-I feel immediately better slept 14h.
Sharper mentally better feeling took some gluten spat it out great workouts stronger than ever --> My bro and others know and can tell, I'm pretty strong/fairly healthy seeming.
-Anyways, Feel fine next day. -Will workout soon.
-I quit Randro and 4andro and feel great mood wise and focus wise and mostly optimistic with PFS stuff.
-Met some girls, but I was on dex, and working out... and It'll be hard to have the most fun with them, and I really don't give a fuck mostly anyways.
-May meet one again later, but also don't want to abuse cialis or any of that bs.
-AND much rather do that, after microdose of ru486.
-ALSO: Have so many failed relationships (not bc of PFS, some pssd... but mostly bc I meet fake girls -- as in fake, and twisted).
-AND: Right now I am all about targets for business and self-growth, i.e. self-investment. Monthly, yearly, and the like. ALso shorter term goals.

I've been thru mental and emotional torture at hands of Pfizer and Merck and the system (York U was worse than PSSD for me, so I have low sympathy for random things that normal society go thru).
-Dual diagnosis too and untreatable messed up situation AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER TREATING IT ACTUALLY SEEMINGLY SUCCESSFULLY (first try for bp), ruined -pfs.
-Everyone practice: Awareness at All times.

 

[MNK99]

-On PCT from R-A/4-A: day 4 or 5 or so.
-diet and exercise log:


-04.28.2018: *SELL asap before this date ideally*. And do this till 4 and c out, then 10 there, 10 elsewhere... and 2-5 in Z., and wait.
-1500cals or less 120gp good stuff, but some yogurt each last two days. I'm cutting so no carbs no lactose. Almost no carbs outside of post workout and pre workout, instantized if need be. -4th workout. Pretty strong esp when cutting and in PCT. TIRED tho, but better sleep less wired a bit but more tired in morning with dx an noots., but more functional, bc kind of crazy a bit... when awake 26-30hrs -- less functional and some errors then and also less content.

-04.29.2018:
-supps + meds: 2GPC, inhalers, calcium, mag, vitamin d (some in food of each), and PCT kingsbollod, nic, caf some, and some dx. Enzymes and HCl (just for meals).
-exercise: 5th workout.
-meals:
-water+pro:
-fine like 1500-1800cals 160gp or so maybe less I DK.

-04.30.2018:
-NOT M cals if at all 9.30pm, exercised decent but wrist hurting less motivated, shaky business stuff so stressed and tired.
-BUT I did sleep like 8-9hrs 3nites in a row (LO but not gonna use that ideally).
-Did well... good stamina, less weight less total sets and reps for major lifts. still 8-9 exercises tho these days. But ya feel weaker than on RA and 4A. --9.28pm.
-DIET: Chicken, greens, olive oil.... ya pro water, coffee, gpc, dx, and nic, and enzymes + HCl, and MSM and Arg/Citrulline. Ok.
1st: Pro and water, 2nd: Pro, spinach, veg pro and whey, and 4-5 herbs small amts, and black deathwish espresso. 2/3 that 9.50pm
-11.10pm, 4 chicken gyoza. Ok, but not best.
-xx dinner: Fair amt but low rice, guac, tons of spinach, LOTS of chicken (3 ways: gyoza bad, curry good, and roasted costco chicken), spices, herbs, ginger, garlic, hot sauces, and olive oil, butter, pecans, almonds, some more protein drink. Like 1800cals and before so like 2000+cals 120gp, 140gcarbs, 100gfat? Edit later.

-38 d till first appearance in .... SO be good and work hard and don't worry. AMEN!
-SLOW and steady wins the race for business, school/studies, and for healing and recovery So don't worry nor stress. Take a chill pill.
-05.01.2018
Don't eat any of that garbage, despite surroundings. No yogurt, no almonds, no pecans. Nothing that hurts my stomach, no excess carbs, no gluten (no prepped meals).
-I'm ripped wo this trash, and I'm staying ripped with good digestion Ideally --so ok. --4.50pm, May 1st 2018.
I think 2400cals max 160gp, 90gfat, 150gg carbs or so?
-05.02.2018:
-eggs, and burrito bowl most, some cheese, and nite chkn roasted its ok tasting not bad and spinach and rice noodles some rice, and more of both later, and pro shake morn a bit and nite a lot more. So 1900-2300cals... 160gp, 130gc maybe more, 80gfat. So: Myb not that many like 1900 cals bad estimates lately, bc I've been really busy.
-I will try to keep better tabs from now on, can't become overweight. But it can be lost. I think I'm fine. I want ru soon. I want me 2nd package too.
-Sleeping early today, bc was doing really well. -Getting: Knee guards, wrist guards, got 2 protein bottles, and a track pants, and getting 3noots (powders, for mood+focus).
-edited at 2.12am, Thurs May 3rd 2018. Was very mad but not horrible, then better after an implement of Ltheanine and Lior 5mg staggered dose. But yeah, I want to avoid that and try the nootropics coming in.

-05.03.2018:
NOT MANY cals... I had one shake and split it for later, one pro water drink, one half of a pro water, almond milk, almond pecan almond butter actual butter and fiber and TMO herbs, and ice, and spinach and 2 dumplings like 50-600cals/ 8455gp, not bad alt all. FAST 2 d a week 8wks and lose 10lb-11lb i.e. if no cals, its around 5k less cals a week than need to maintain, so 10k 2 weeks 20k 4 and so 11lbs slost so i dbe shredded, may not be sustainable nor necessary and fairly good pretty damn good shape for me, rite now, but may as well, this way im scheduled rather than random, and can rest my joints knees and wrists thurs and sun and fast those 2 days. I fast everyday basically,... but these are less cals total, and i can have less pct and stuff and so less chemials those days too, so im good pretty good mood rite now 2am 7-7.5/10 in day 5-8 for a second maybe 5-7.. and decent, and getting work done. Yeah, cya.
-500-600cals like 50gp, pretty good.

-05.04.2018: could not fall asleep till v late (but slept 6 hrs, woke up ok time 1.30ish). So I ate a cold costco beef burger, some eggs, guac, spinach say 400-500cals/25gp, 20gfat, 10gc, and pro this morning: 33gp, 170cals, 12gfat, 18gcarbs. ---4.13pm now. Will have some protein and water pre workout, maybe some quick acting carbs, and then protein and fat, and some more carbs post-workout.
-I want to take ru!! I'm not alone and really don't want to explain why I'm grinding up abortion pills.
--Its 11.22pm, 1400 1450cals 120p, and 150g p soon with protein+water drink so like 1900-2000 cals, so lose fat for sure,
-4th workout for week, should go tmro but might not be able to. Wrist and Knee wraps are pretty decent good for 35 or 40 or less total. NIce. Helps stabilize and stop random movements from causing injury, less pain after workout in wrist.

-05.05.2018: 1800 cals or so max.
-05.06.2018: -FAST either zero cals or 400-500. Do this 6-10 wks burn all remaining fat o from 14-16%bf to like 11-12. GOOD SHYT. BUT DONT LOSE MUSCLE, also HEAL and DETOX even more important. Heal from workouts joints and also pfs. MORE imp than pretty ripped vs super ripped (who cares). Good. Helps pfs gotta a bit and also mood+focus. Ok!
-not much... like 1600cals. Barely that.. more like 1400 cals or less.

-05.07.2018: like 1400 cals. so far as at may 7 11.45pm, rice, chicken, veg, spinach, olive oil, butter, potatoes post workout good workout 8-9 exercises tired, but business
-5.08.2018: like 1200-1300 cals, like 40gp 70gp with pro.. and more later 100g and 1300 1400 cals, and 80gcarbs max, and 90gfat. Good super lean. Worked out 9 exs
-need to watch joints, tired only did 25 or so dips and 20 leg raises or whatever they're called, tons of back and chest and shoulder the last 2 days but lighter these days a bit.
-major reps.
-5.09.2018 - lots cals chock coffee rice chn one piece olive oil cbutter lamb crry like 1/10 serving etc. 1400-1800cals cant remember pretty damn lean rice chkn curry hmmade x 2 post workout 2 water and pro drinks.

-05.10.2018:
-1800cals, protein, fat carbs, 2 pro water drinks, one wendys daves tripple lettuce wrap no mayo etc, and that spicy chkn same thing, and some olive oil, butter tiny bit, spinach, and 1/3 can of coke. Nearly all post workout 10.12pm now. -- not bad at all, ourth wrkout but taking it ezr, strong 9 ex's but less reps, felt tiredish
-woke up 5am, slept 12-5, worked till 11 or so am... then agn 3 then 5-6 worked out.. ate, etc. Done.. more work, scalp make mny, quick.

-No haters at gym today only admirers slight haters maybe, but they can't fuck with me, it takes a million demons to bring me down.
-05.11.2018: I think pretty damn good until my mom made all kinds of indian food and I worked till 10am the next day, and I ate potatoes and stuff, lots of carbs for me.... but fasted before that, and fasted all next day.
-05.12.2018: I'm sure it was really healthy ripped day. 1600-1700 cals some chocolate at end otherwise 150gp/80gc/100gfat or so.
-05.13.2018: Pretty good, pro water pro herbs, pct, gpc, choline barbiturate, noopept tiny amt., and coffee, and protein burger dinner, some fries bad, and some choco cookies at home and stuff. Ok, I'll take creatine shuttle it into muscle hopefully.. AND I will eat super lean this week no bad food., only healthy med fat sometimes hi and high protein, and sometimes nothing at all. -- edited 14th may 1.25am, i.e. 3 days just wrote up now. BC, I'm busy.

-next post.

 

[MNK99]

05.01.2018: Quick Update:
After discontinuing R-A/4-A, I'm doing pretty well.
I worked out like 25 times the last 4 weeks or so. Worked out tonight (I'd prefer mornings but my wake and sleep fluctuates everyday).
I slept 6hrs last nite, almost 7-9 hrs the 3 nites before (this is major for me, almost never has happened outside of chronic fatigue). And I'm still getting loads done.
Was very anxious a week or so ago, very chilled now. Hyper but in a great way --- good personality, funny, outgoing at times. Business in different cities and countries.
Getting things done, feeling pretty good. Dual dx is like 80% or so, and if managed a bit better maybe consistently 85-90% (makes basically all of life far easier).
I'm doing the best of bad choices. No treatment either = I'm pretty messed up, Treat both with meds = probably die or worse; Treat just ADHD = pretty good, but aggressive, and no sleep, Treat both with breaks of stimulants, and nootropics (so no medication for the other issue), and sometimes good, sometimes very good... consistently better with Alpha-GPC and something else. I will get better more functional nootropics for me soon.

I could move back to the east coast, but I'm stacking something first. And making sure I raise fnds 6-9 different ways year end, as well as can go to professional school (at the right time, in the future.... if it makes sense and is a decent school). So I'm in many ways doing better than I ever was. I'd prefer perfect Alladin-like hair density again, but not worth labotomizing/castrating myself obviously. Working on a lot of things, and A few days ago felt stressed, and too anxious or even really sad 20min to an hour, or with too high rate 30mins to 90mins a day, but now very chilled and it's great! But I know, I'm up and down a lot... so I always expect the other side.

Have at least 2 jobs and an apartment (good rate for apartment) pre-planned when I move back. And some business trips lined up. But I'm trying to take it easy.
Because 10-14 (?) weeks ago I couldn't shave, digest food, shower, see properly, etc. So I'm way better, but still feel time has been robbed from me. But I'm still young, ambitious, pretty smart (not to sound arrogant, I know ppl that are ahead of me too), and the future is bright.

My dad said "You're a warrior to me the other day." And my Mom said: "I'm very happy with you.", so that's good. Anyways, yeah. Most of family have no idea wtf I'm doing but, it's by design. I'll hopefully improve further PFS wise (which affects work and brings me back to baseline dual-dx health --- pretty healthy physically but not always, and also: kind of scatterbrained, confused, disorganized, hyper, irritable, and insomnia, sometimes anxiety ridden, with addictive and bad tendencies at times). So I'm working on all of that. Anyone who doesn't like me can go fuck themselves. Peace out, I hope you're all well. Someone I knew committed suicide recently (good looking, young guy). Anyone can go, so we all need to be careful. I'm trying to carve out my future and finally have chances that I never did before. It can change quickly, so I do everything as calculated risks, and I've increased my knowledge and skill base substantially, and innate skills came out and random knowledge from here and there has come together. If I wanted, master's or some prof school - no problem. But I'd rather do it with more success and have a choice of schools... and have finances, pfs recovered, and mental health intact.

Tested some gluten fine after a while next day. Ate some crappy possibly gluten containing stuff yday (accidentally like 300 / 2400 cals or so), and fine next nite.
No drinks nor smoking in 100+ days, maybe 110. Using agendas and software, got job offers, made my own jobs... etc. So pretty good, but can always be better. And can always get messed up but if you're healthy and driven.... then business messups (mostly, not all of course) won't be too drastic. Over and out.

 

[MNK99]

I'm not cured yet. But thanks - a huge thanks to a lot of ppl here. Say worst case 1 more year, if I'm successful and mostly functional and increasing in that regard, 3 mo 6 mo 12mo, then nearly cured isn't ideal but ok (then). Anyways, I'm out for now. I feel kind of stupid writing this, as I'm not cured yet, but I believe I will be. I cured all kinds of terrible things with basically no or little guidance, so why not this time? But yeah never ever again I hope. It's too much. Probably faster, but you never know. Anyways, won't say more it's bad luck. ---> SO MUCH BETTER. I used to say "a ways to go." Truly believe this will be cured. Easily? No. BUT hardest t behind me.

 

[noprop]

What about your ru/prog prot.?
What results did you get from it?
Just in a few lines, Please. THX

 

[noprop]

Hey @noprop, how's it going?
I will definitely use Ru in the near future.
I have prog but am skeptical.

I think I will take 2 weeks pct from Andro and then microdosing Ru with the rest of pct. I am trying this at least, I may get impatient and jump on it tho, but that wasn't my plan just yet. I was gonna wait 10 more days.

Tired. Prog is good.
Ru no idea.
Have you sexual sides like libido loss vor even shrunken penis?

 

[MNK99]

-Random Fitness goal:
-Go from 188lb or so to 180 or 178 (pushing it), and keep all LBM. I want to fast as much as possible 2d/wk, and keep those as rest days.
-I eat pretty light on rest days and eat a lot more on workout days (post workout). Look nearly same.. no need stress a ton. Eye area issues fixed eventually.

-This isn't really for PFS but more just for fitness, mood, and stuff. CUT 5k cals and 11.6 lb over 2months or something.
-Still intermittent fasting, but tightening up *Alternate day fasting*. 6-8 wks ripped. -->did but not asm as wanted.

-Also, it's possible maybe that ru would help digestion and or fat metabolism...
-Maybe just takes time --> that and slowly bringing things back in line hormonally and neurochemically, balance minerals, prog, sensitivity, dht, test, etc.

-Just picked up Wrist Wraps and Knee Wraps. TRYING 2 full wks PCT and then RU. --> DID that, later skipped ahead totally fine but don't do that too much.

 

[Aleksandr]

-Some haters at the gym.
-Why bc of jealousy.
-220lb lateral pull downs 4 sets, 25 dips, 25 leg raises (or something -- not sure what the name is),
-chest press, bench (pretty weak 125 115lb or so),
-150lb shoulder press. 50,65,75lb shoulder press.
-other stuff.
-went light mostly today.
-Legs yesterday (need to take it easy, in pain a bit) --> 225 270 280 310lb 40 reps or so.
-Last 12 reps super slow, exaggerated.
-This is obviously not a great list and is not even in order / ADHD.

-Was on the phone at gym, as I entered, ensured the caller has a job for me when i get back. Not bad.
-Not to sound cocky... my work is a pain in the ass, and lots of stress... and anything can change quickly upward or downward.
Also one guy stared me down most of my 50mins there. Whatever.

-Suffice it to say I had cooler things to say, but I don't need to flaunt. When things get for real, I'd fuck up whatever stands in my way.
-It wouldn't be the first nor last time, I'd still slang and take ***** out as a lawyer, mostly bc I don''t give a fuck. I'm sick of people, world-fucking-wide.

When I was younger i had a job delivering pizzas and first take there was this guy who stared me down. I was thinking like 'wtf, is this some kind of macho challenge?' so i stared back at him. he just never stopped staring. I thought he was crazy or something. Turns out he was gay

 

[Aleksandr]

Happened a lot to me... worse than that. Lived in a very gay area (what!? Nice apartments, and great gyms... and salons.... anyways).
Anyways, one dude turned around in his car trying to get me to hangout. Another time, this older guy said something to me --- that if I said to a girl (esp, being darker skinned), I'd probably be arrested for. My friend was friends with the owner there (he also owned a nightclub), and I knew the bartender anyways, but on the wrong day - I'd probably scar them for life (mentally...) as in scare them.

I was just like whatever fuck that guy (not literally). He looked like he wanted to fuck me up. I don't think he was gay, I'm an excellent judge of character and people's intentions. Without even looking or listening, I usually know what someone is saying, identified three asian ricerocket racers the other day (I was correct, didn't even see them until later on the drive). My dad was like how did you know that, I said: "I understand people."

I've walked thru crowds of "thugs" and the worst areas in several countries, alone. Crack, etc. People threatening me. I've had death threats I think in 3-4 countries, lol.
And I've intimidated (counter-attack) groups of idiots, maybe routinely since I was 16. People fuck with me, I don't know. Since I handled the aggression and anger better (with ADHD medicine, and ideally something for mood), and quit drinking, and hanging out late, I attract less negative attention. Also, I haven't trusted anyone since I was like 21.

I'm not intimidated:
I went thru some not so good stuff in my younger days. One friend/former committed suicide recently, another friend's life was ended prematurely elsewhere (on opposite coasts).

THings are real, no time for mofos. MNK doesn't scare easily. Used to play blackjack with certain providers of illicit materials, because I was crazy (in East coast).

Saw a lot of friends ruin their life, friends that were selling weed at 18, selling coke at 20. Etc. Other former friends or people that quit that sold worse.
Other friends, on minor things --- someone threatened them, I saved them, but now they owe me.
And they will pay me back.

Disclaimer: Any shady stuff that may be alluded to is for educational/informational purposes only. Also, I could be joking.
ALSO: Anyone thinking of getting rich off something shady quickly: Watch this: This isn't the 1980'-1990's, it isn't profitable anymore, unless you really really know what you're doing and have connections, and in the States --- it's over. Kids shoot kids at school, let alone in the streets. Being a prostitute, eating food online, walking dogs in an affluent, largely homosexual community, having an amazon store, an ebay store, trading, writing, being an actor, model, painting, engineer, doctor, lawyer, loan shark, professor, whatever the hell Snookie is, having a big ass, etc are all better professions.

-Some fucking Kids in my elevator were making fun of me cuz i was renting, I HOPPED out the 29th floor, I said "what the fuck did you say to me?",
saw the cowardice in their eyes. All 4 of them, I'd fucking erase em if need be. NO one fucked with me since I was 22. Worst case, I'll get em bumped off from the inside.

***Don't sell drugs kids.***
-story of Rich Porter, Alpo Martinez (killed like 14-18 people), and Azie Faison (Paid In Full, and much of NY rap is based off them and that time), where kids were making 70-100k a week.

You're dark skinned? Wow i had you pegged for a white guy for some reason. The internet is so confusing sometimes

 

[MNK99]

I'm like Pacino in Scarface, clearly not a good Cuban Accent.... Clearly not "American"... A problem tho.

 

[MNK99]

Prev msg: 1 thing at a time. Really want a lot and have ability to think ahead and adhd and all that stuff back planning prof career and more and more but cant in a nite. May15.
I hope ARL balancing doesn't cause me fat gain. It's fine. Injured take break. PCT 21 days its been I think...... ALSO: RU a bit. Pretty good at times, panic attacks, agitation... less sharp than best ever but ok livable or near it around this time I think it was but slow and steady wins the race.
1st. PFS:
-ru, day 1, last nite 1am, agn 1am or morning like a normal person.
-Not bad, pretty good I guess. Kind of weak... I shall see. I'm sure better later.
RANT about banks, only trust my vault and nike shoebox under bed.
-NOTE:
-NO more training this week getting hurt.
-There's no point! Don't be dumb MNK... wrist hurting knees thumb etc some of those possibly back pain then too.

 

[bruschi11]

I hope ARL balancing doesn't cause me fat gain. But some fat to cure PFS is OK I guess.

LOL I'd take 100 lbs gained to be cured of this once and for all immediately. That said there's always fasting when you put on weight haha. It won't happen much if at all- fatigue can make you lazy though.

Also I saw your banter with @m_arch about his experience with somebody gay staring at him haha. At least he didn't get offered a blowjob in the gym sauna- that was an awkward experience for me.