MNK's Log. PSSD Recov 12-18mo 10', PFS recov 11m-16mo 18’. hEDS/AuDHD/Markets.

[MNK99]

Haha, thanks my man. Talking to you helped motivate me to stick it through too man. I'm glad some people are entertained, rather than offended/thinking I'm trolling, l
I'm happy to have you on my team too bro! And others here as well. A lot of what I say is just "thinking aloud", and to remind me because I forget a ton of things, all the time. Kind of sucks, but I'll make it work somehow. I have the tools mostly and will reach out to others for support too. And I try to help where I can.

-Update: - 11.50pm, Mar. 29th, 2018:
Hustling to get things done. Mental work, planning, and studying. And some business.

 

[K8668B]

haha! Source Naturals brand! I love their Opti Zinc.

I like your incoming supplements! nice.

You already know my opinion on pharmaceutical drugs like adderall. I think theyre all garbage. From my experiences at least. But if you feel like they help, then do what works for you bro.

Youre definitely well researched on things. But at the same time, just try to keep things as simple as possible. I know its hard.

 

[MNK99]

Yeah Adderall's mostly crap, I usually modify other's advice with Dexedrine (only as needed for now) in mind. Adderall's super harsh. And I'm wired enough.
It does provide a motivational kick, but I probably have enough most the time anyways, especially when walking/listening to music a lot.
Addy started my hair loss anyways. L-amp is way too harsh. As a Motivational/Stimulant ADDERALL short term may be a 9-10 (final exams, or something like that... school applications, interviews -- maybe, probably not bc can kill personality), for side effects its way lower. Maybe 6-7/10.
Whereas Dex is a solid 9/10 (for some people... not the avg person). Most psyche drugs are below zero I'd say for me (not just doing nothing, but massive damage).

Re: Psyche Stack:
L-Theanine, L-Tyrosine and or Alpha-GPC, possibly later CHOLINE , STRAIGHT GABA, AND THIS DEX AND MAG--- neuro/m.h. stack.
-So Ideally L-Theanine or L-Tyrosine or Alpha-GPC or 2 of them + dex + mag.

Arriving soon:
-Ideally my ru486 I could have changed genders, cut off my balls, and aborted a baby by now!!! --- ? weeks ago. Now a week or so. I need confirmation man.
-AND my hair test... this is retarded. I have money to make, can't mess around, Q1.2018 is over. April first week.
-AND L-Theanine, L-Tyrosine, Alpha-GPC. April 5- 10.

 

[MNK99]

April 1st, 2018:
-Lifted weights 4 times this week, long walks twice, other random things.
-3 major Fasting days.
-60-70hrs research/work on certain things (non pfs). Made some major strides there, but a lot of nonsense to circumvent still.
-Pretty good. But Quarter 1 is done, and I need to be up more.
-Awaiting my mood/focus supps, ru, and the ARL (all early April, I hope). The supps will be, the ru who knows? and the ARL should be.
-I have an endo appointment April 5th (really more of an annoyance than anything). I will ask for a PDE5 inhibitor. I have no idea what time it is.
-I'll add more elliptical. In downtown in major cities, I walked a ton and probably didn't even need it, it's harder in the suburbia of this frozen, socialist wasteland.

 

[MNK99]

-Diet Log - And Random:

--HS. Mon Apr 2nd 2018: 2pm.
-I took 100mg R-A and 100mg 4-A. ANd some magnesium biglycinate, some iced espresso (choco almond milk, tiny bit of lactose free milk -- that's all I have in house),
-tums, 15mg dex.
-I look fwd to L-T, L-Tyrosine, Alpha-GPC. --mood/focus.
-I need to take care of certain projects/invs, get in before it's too late. --work.
-Go to pharmacy - drop off scripts, pick up 2 inhalers.
-Go to gym, take 100-200mg of Andros before, and 200mg or so after. ---gym.
-Call my contacts East, or wherever they are, make sure I have a job setup for when I return, I have plans to make an X amt and have an X amt saved up by year-end and Q1.2019 end.
-Looking lean, but a bit bloated, took lots of dg enzymes with HCL and Betaine HCL on it's own yesterday night. I doubt I'm getting fat, I'm probably 14-15% bf max, but need to get stronger and fitter and more cut, and sports rehab, and later more jacked.
-Trying to eliminate all fat, to gain without fear of gaining fat.
-Need to order some RA/4A/K1ngsblood. Costs a lot of money. I wish I could meet someone and just pay them 150 cash or 100.
-If I was better a bit earlier, and this was the States, or deving world, I'd be up 10-20k more no question in Q1, and this wouldn't matter at all.
-Get things done, stay calm. Anxiety, mood, focus all that. For sure I hope any of the above 3 supps cut anxiety and insomnia down, and smooth out the other 1, and enhance mood (naturally).
-I'm making some ends, but I can't focus at home... and the library sucks, and I don't want to go to my old uni... and everything is so far away. I'll find a cafe... but I don't want to waste 100-200 dollars a week on Uber either.
-Selling a stupid car, going to have to deal with Kijiji d-bags and Autotrader.

-do the stupid things that I don't care about asap and that are close to me... pharmacy, call aptmt, some other stuff.

(the following is in diet log a few posts above.)

-diet:
-4am: Yogurt (Dhai), pecans, olive oil, pink sea salt, some other spillover from the chicken, greens from last nite. 450cals/25gp/30gc/25gfat? -close enuff who cares.
-400-500mg R-A and 4-A; 25mg dex.
-total: Cals, Pro, Carb, Fat
-Like 2850-2970 cals/177gp. I can't remember.

-04.03.2018:
-2 Wendy's doubles + spinach + arugula (80% of bread thrown away), chili sauce, chinese hot sauce, louisiana hot sauce, butter.
-like 25g fat of grease soaked up with paper towel and discarded. -Like 1100cals/90gp, 89gfat, 7gcarbs. - good enough. Who cares, I'm leaning up.
-AND, high fat* High protein* is good as per my ARL --- and also: I waste protein supposedly, and low carbs are encouraged... and so is sodium so I
added that chili sauce with tons of sodium. Too nauseated, a bit of a migraine later in the day, and too tired to cook much. I'll add some more pro+water.
-300mg R-A and 4-A I think. 20mg dex, 2 mag capsules like 400mg, and 3 shots of espresso, like 90cals lac free milk, almond milk, choco, like 13gc, 4gf, 3gp
-4-5 dig enzymes, 1 betaine HCl capsule. Nicotine. Cried a lot yday and was messed up and erratic a bit, better today but kind of agitated had to bring myself down, I did take one lithium orotate last nite and it helped me sleep and didn't make me fat or anything.
-total: 1190cals/ 93gp, 93gfat, 20gc. = 1289cals with math, so numbers are a bit off but it's really not a big deal - as at 12.16am. Tired much of the day.
-1310 cals/ 120gp, 93gfat, 22gc with pro drink at nite. Still practically nothing. 700 cals only would be possible if I want to feel sick or without dex maybe,
or if I was on steroids. Still losing fat and keeping muscle and building a bit so who cares. It's not instant!



I lost 2 yrs + bc of York U, and 1 year ea time with post drug disorder, misdiagnosis, serious dual disorder, and mistreatment, bad treatment from pharma, and no treatment - 5 years + lost of income and also work and school exp. I'd be done law school plus have 300k extra in my accounts easily if I was neurotypical, and treated right - and not interfered with by family and such that never understood me, and not misdiagnosed by moronic doctors, and led to believe when I was younger that they know what they're doing. That's why I'm so angry for people that want to ask me. You'd be too.
---Moving on
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Actually couldn't sleep so 4am: yogurt, olive oil , almonds, some chicken, some protein bar 500cals/38gp, 30gc,25gfat.

-04.04.2018:
-pre-workout: 4am, 500-700 cals then sleep. pro-and water 500cals/38gp, 30gc,25gfat. myb more. IDK.
-post workout 6 6-7 one pro and water drink. So 2 protein drinks like 65gp/x amt calories.
-8.15p chicken salad one small serving, and a stuffed bell pepper (ground beef)... like 1500cals or so...
-200g ground beef per stuffed pepper + x amt chicken salad. Pro + Fat + some Carbs. Olive oil, spinach, some seasoning, etc.
-later 1130 and 12am more bell peppers stuffed with ground beef, so like 800g ground beef, and stuff... so like 2400cals/158gp,80-120gc max, 100gfat
Like 160x4 + 120*4 + 100*9 =2020 cals... prolly didn't eat 2400 cals, more like 2200 cals or so. IDK... whatever, may eat more... and fast tmro a bit, (700-1200 cals), or workout... and JUST eat after, and then have a major adf fast day Friday or so. --> Endocrinologist aptmt tmro.
-it's 1.18am, need ways to get paid pre-professional school/ pre-returning east coast, pre-writing consulting jobs. I have ways to generate money in writing, and also: sales if need be (going to be brutal without being healed... and commission only is bullshit unless a great product). -Fuck... I'll figure something out.
And investments... and I may have a possible partial solution., but it will be uncertain to keep up and requires an online job basically. --anyways aptmt at 1145am I think. --maybe buy 4 am I ate more like 2800-3000cals / 190+gp, 145ish+ gc, 150+gfat - cals add to 2720 cals so maybe 2800 or so. IDK.

-04.05.2018:
-Fasting today... May hit gym at nite and have 500cals but I will be hungry then esp with more R-A/4-A. I could try. I'd rather not, but 3 workouts done by Thurs will free up time for job search, business, and planning (I feel 8+, fix hr etc and dk, test, and scar, and eye area, and chiselled higher, more capital + credentials, and like 9).

-Fasted 20-21 hours or so. Will eat some bc I did workout (did not plan on this). 11.05pm, worked out 9.35 to 10.40pm or so.

-Some Potassium + carbs i.e. Breuss juice, spinach + protein (vegan + gluten free whey mixed) with almond milk, water, spinach pre workout.
-Post workout- 500-600 cals or so or even more if I'm hungry like less than 1000 tho... 3000+1000 = 2000 basically, and jack up later when totally lean and less fat on core, but I concede may need to eat a lot more to get strong enough to actually make that happen medium and longterm (or badass trainers).
-After all this is done I will take ostarine to further recomposition (Post-PFS).
-eat whatever who cares, I'm not fat and I have 2 ru pills as of 9.30pm Thurs April 5th 2018, so cortisol and progesterone and sensitivity to each will reduce and I'll look lean 80-90% of the time instead of 40-60% of the time. No need to drive myself crazy fitness/leanness wise... who cares.
-Actually ate like 950cals/78gp, 40gfat, 38 carbs so = 1036cals, will have pro + water = 1080cals-1302/110gp, 40gfat, 38gcarbs. Pretty precise estimate.
Cals are right, protein's rite, fat is low but high for a low day and carbs pretty low probably even lower than that. + breuss juice so say 1200c/110gp,40gf,58gc
-w.c. twice this morning gotten much better since fasting and refeed (overall, but not perfect digestion by a long shot). L.m. at night after eating.
-I think ru486 even at 50mg or 25mg or 5mg will fix this, but taking it now... may not be permanent and is kind of a waste, and I want R-A/4-A, and other things to work even better (amazingly) in the future, so I should wait. And just in case it screws me up with the other stuff. Lowering cortisol, increasing sensitivity, progesterone reduction and sensitization also... would only help but no one else does it during this mostly so I shouldn't. ---2.28am, Fri Apr 6th 2018.
-500 cals or so yogurt, pecans, salt, olive oil, a protein bar like 750/45gp, 40gc, 40gfat. 3-4am not sure when.

-Supps: Digestive enzymes with HCl in them, 600mg R-A and 300mg 4-A.
-Focus/Mood: Dex 30mg by end and 900mg Alpha-GPC (Cognitex). Helps mood for sure. It's just 2 amino acids. No theanine.


-04.06.2018:
-Protein and water, like 150cals/35gp, 0c, 0fat. morning. Rest day let knees and joints and everything heal.
-2 Alpha GPC, other thing.
-200-300mg R-A, 4-A 12pm and 6pm.
-1 milk thistle and cysteine tab (liver, fat metabolism / breakdown).
-Mag chloride, digestive enzymes pre protein drink and pre later meal.
-coffee at 7 or 8 pm.
-dinner: p, f, c, -ate total estimate: 1500-1600 cals/ 160gp, 70gc, 70gfat. 1/2 pro bar, some guac, and protein water drink x 3, plus rice,meat, pinto beans, spinach, salt, etc.

-04.07.2018:
-3 pro and water drinks, maybe one of them had spinach and vegan mixed in there, throw the old protein buy more of the AllMax.
-And chicken, arugula, spinach, garlic, whatever bs., and 2.5 protein bars, butter, olive oil, some pecans, and lots of guac, like 170gp+, 90-100gc, and 120gfat or so. 2800-3200cals. Clean, super clean, then less clean, whatever.

-awake and 190lb after wc 1., but likely not fat anyways I'm not. But will fast today, take msm, one gpc, maybe dex, maybe just coffee (light caffeine), blood pressure, anxiety, heart rate, etc high last nite. Ok by time I slept.

-04.08.2018:
-Cutting day. FOR SURE. 500 cals., I'm leaning up and not becoming fat cuz of these fools.
-Basa some, then a lot more.., spinach, arugula olive oil, beef burger 900cals/40gp, 10gc, 40gfat? - and protein shake post wrkout at nite: 220cals/45gp, 5gfat, 10gcarbs?
-so like 1120cals or so 85gp, 68gfat, 50gcarbs with the guac I had... And more protein and water later. So like 1200cals, 110-120gp, 72gfat, 62gcarbs -- at some point.
-Took 700mg R-A I think and 350mg Epi-Androsterone (4-Andro). Just to see and my heart rate/blood pressure seems fine today. But won't be repeating experiment much.

-04.9.2018:
-Supps: 3 fish oil, 1 MSM.
-: Inhalers., Alpha-GPC., some dx
-black coffee.
-some R-A/4-A., but I'm fasting so not trying to get too hungry., kp doses low on rest days. Don't overtrain and lose fat and get my work done. I can't train forever and get injured., so rest is important. Also rest for repairing and muscle growth. 100 of each then 100 later. 1.48pm now.
-bc of home I'm gaining weight. Made me eat., I don't have time for this and will get injured or an asthma attack from overtraining. Tell them, no means no.
-I'm not getting fat bc of this stupidity. I'm fasting all day tomorrow and that's that, maybe one water and pro drink morn and nite. Tell them, I know what I'm doing. This is calorie periodization.
-I didn't workout, had like 1500-1600cals/60-70gp., 120gfat or so, and 130gc or so and also water and almond milk and spinach and pro before so like 240c/40gp,10gf,15gc.
-And so 1840cals, 110gp, and 130gfat. Fuck me, there was no point for this, I would be 100% ripped if I was like 7-10lb less, even less is needed., and with perfect digestion (which a couple trials of ru486 should give me, I'd be there). Tell them I'm not eating at least a couple days. This is stupid. 10pm, ate 9.


-04.10.2018:
-5 randro and 5 4andro.
-msm, fish oil (joints and memory and detox).
-puffs, coffee, and usual.
-3 water+pro drinks 330cals/4.5gfat/84gp.
-chicken , rice, spinach, spices, herbs, olive oil butter. at 945pm post workout and also again a bit more 3am. and pro bar., pecans so like 1830cals/150gp, 78gc, 55gfat. 1800 is high side, and maybe more carbs and fat maybe not, but 1500-1800cals, 150gp. Would have ate less but can't sleep.
-Worked out 8-9 exercises 1 leg, 3 back, 1chest, 3 shoulders, 1 tricep at 730-820 or so pm.
-I am quitting Randro/4andro in 10-14 days. And taking micro ru*+pct.


****NOTE****
-exercise:
-watch knees.

-186lb lean. 3x.
-no more bad foods.
-188-190 some days, 186.9lb this aftn Apr 12 2018. Downtrending, I will.

 

[K8668B]

--HS. Mon Apr 2nd 2018: 2pm.
-I took 100mg R-A and 100mg 4-A. ANd some magnesium biglycinate, some iced espresso (choco almond milk, tiny bit of lactose free milk -- that's all I have in house),
-tums, 15mg dex.
-I look fwd to L-T, L-Tyrosine, Alpha-GPC. --mood/focus.
-I need to take care of certain projects/invs, get in before it's too late. --work.
-Go to pharmacy - drop off scripts, pick up 2 inhalers.
-Go to gym, take 100-200mg of Andros before, and 200mg or so after. ---gym.
-Call my contacts East, or wherever they are, make sure I have a job setup for when I return, I have plans to make an X amt and have an X amt saved up by year-end and Q1.2019 end.
-Looking lean, but a bit bloated, took lots of dg enzymes with HCL and Betaine HCL on it's own yesterday night. I doubt I'm getting fat, I'm probably 14-15% bf max, but need to get stronger and fitter and more cut, and sports rehab, and later more jacked.
-Trying to eliminate all fat, to gain without fear of gaining fat.
-Need to order some RA/4A/K1ngsblood. Costs a lot of money. I wish I could meet someone and just pay them 150 cash or 100.
-If I was better a bit earlier, and this was the States, or deving world, I'd be up 10-20k more no question in Q1, and this wouldn't matter at all.
-Get things done, stay calm. Anxiety, mood, focus all that. For sure I hope any of the above 3 supps cut anxiety and insomnia down, and smooth out the other 1, and enhance mood (naturally).
-I'm making some ends, but I can't focus at home... and the library sucks, and I don't want to go to my old uni... and everything is so far away. I'll find a cafe... but I don't want to waste 100-200 dollars a week on Uber either.
-Selling a stupid car, going to have to deal with Kijiji d-bags and Autotrader.

-do the stupid things that I don't care about asap and that are close to me... pharmacy, call aptmt, some other stuff.

(the following is in diet log a few posts above.)

-diet:
-4am: Yogurt (Dhai), pecans, olive oil, pink sea salt, some other spillover from the chicken, greens from last nite. 450cals/25gp/30gc/25gfat? -close enuff who cares.
-pre-workout:
-post-workout:
-total: Cals, Pro, Carb, Fat

-exercise:
-watch knees.

-186lb lean. 3x.

I lost 2 yrs + bc of York U, and 1 year ea time with post drug disorder, misdiagnosis, serious dual disorder, and mistreatment, bad treatment from pharma, and no treatment - 5 years + lost of income and also work and school exp. I'd be done law school plus have 300k extra in my accounts easily if I was neurotypical, and treated right - and not interfered with by family and such that never understood me, and not misdiagnosed by moronic doctors, and led to believe when I was younger that they know what they're doing. That's why I'm so angry for people that want to ask me. You'd be too.

Calm your mind, and dont stress over the bad shit that happened to you. Just focus on healing from your pfs and bettering your life from here on out. ive had the condition for years, and became aware of it years later. the worst is behind you. i dont even sweat the small stuff. the worst is behind me. ive seen it all. all of those things you worry about are truly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. so dont dwell on "lost time".

keep up the good stuff bro!

 

[MNK99]

I know, I'll try. I always did even when I was like 21. Even before anything too bad happened. Gotta calm myself tho, ya. lol.
I'll keep at it. Time goes anyways, whether stressing about it or not. I always feel like everything's a race, and I can't win it but I'm stuck in it.
And I'm not sure what the final destination is, and I can't stop running, and I'm going the wrong direction, and I may be screwed either way.
Not talking about PFS, but any choice may lead to more problems. And I can't solve everything, and I can't be perfect and succeed, and even after I succeed more, what difference does it make when I can't stop thinking about the other stuff, that I can't control. And everything can get ruined with one small mistake.

It's not always like that though I think.

I worked out at night, wanted to in the morning. It was fine. But I worked out every workout last week in the morning (I had some appointments and they were fixing my current home).

Also, withdrawing from nicotine a bit, and need to balance some other stuff. I hope those new supps don't make me lose it.

 

[MNK99]

-I'm too serious right now and need to relax.
-I look good, I'm wearing my guess tshirt and JV chinos not bad, sneakers look terrible but I could wsh them (there's ice everywhere so is there really a point?? I'll just buy new sneakers when I have more cash), get some nic, -But just bc other things aren't perfect and others kind of let me down doesn't mean I have to get so mad. I think nicotine wd, and dex no othing to calm it down, and hypomania, some mixed emotions, and crying spells had me all messed up yesterday, I'd rather workout in morning than night and also: Just need to put other stuff out of my mind, and not try and rush thru every single thing, it is too stressful.
-Ordered 3 more bottles of RA and 4A for a 2nd and or longer cycle, and a third cycle a bit too... maybe not that far, but we'll see. I will get PCT later (K1ngsblood).
-Neuro Supps Weds, thurs shd be done.
-Endo aptmt 11.45am Thurs, April 5th. -- NE. Ask for PDE2. Ok.
-2/5 supps, 3/5 soon enough, 4/5 orders arl on way and 5/5 ru wait and don't stress.
-See and patiently await MDSIDE as Admiral got his stuff.
_AND just wait on: ARL. The lady from LMH is good and v nice it seems. Knowledgable about this. She will scan it and told me yeah I could use ARL supps but in CDA there's import fees and all that, but some patients of her do most don't. My Cu was low if anything, and not toxc metal issue except a but of mercury and something, magnesium low...
-and "adrenal fatigue".
-And 10 supps rec'd... diet recs, I mostly do them already.
-She cautioned: NOT trying to do them all at once, if 10 things are rec'd add 2-3 at a time... and wait 6mo for next test, it takes time to implement and reap the rewards of lifestyle changes, I say and she agrees. Told her about water fast.
She also said detoxing is prioritized I think in ARl's suggestions.
-She will scan and send me but will send me the actual later (scan may not have best visibility).

-Got Nicotine at 5.45. used 6pm. It's fine. Can't easily fill my inhalers script. That's ok, I'll find a way or do it one by one. I think Shopper's will do it, Superstore won't bc it's a digital prescription (fine in Ontario, but not here). I'll figure it out - drop it off at Shopper's, ask please.. or get em to call, or get doc to email them/email them my rx myself.

 

[MNK99]

1.PFS - Re- Mar. 20th Hair Sample, ARL:
-My source scan was decent, my camscanner app scan was fine, but Imgur kind of destroys the image. I should have a paper copy ~this week.
-------------------------
2. Mood/Focus- Nootropics Received April 4th-5th (and tested).

-I asked on Solvepfs (and looked back, mostly a bad idea). They said Adderall helped them with energy/focus I guess... but not brainfog and memory.
-My memory is approaching my norm (extremely good for some things like conversations, extremely bad for recent days' events).
-My brainfog too, and ru486 cycles and R-A and 4-A and PCT and cycling those, and time will improve the rest. Fasting - helped everything***.

-L-Theanine:
-Test without dex -Test with dex: -received 12.50pm (Apr 4).
-L-Tyrosine: -Test without dex -Test with dex: -received. 12pm (Apr 4).
-Alpha-GPC: -Test without dex: -Test with dex: -received. 12pm (Apr. 4).

Note: Anything with dex, most likely includes some form of Mg (unless I run out/ forget). And often baking soda or tums / not as much now...
but as mood becomes more stabilized, and I'm doing further work -- probably at times. I need to be careful tho, bc I don't need to potentiate it so much,
and if anything most doctors would prescribe a higher dose rather than taking other things to make it stronger.

-Combination of the 3 above, possibly Choline CDP, Uridine, and less helpful Fish Oil, etc:

 

[MNK99]

#1. I will replace that terrible image-quality with a scan of the paper copy in a few days.
Or I could just post it with my real name, unless I could edit it out. Rather not... Not to many people with my name, let alone all the issues written about here.
#2. I guess I'm in "4 highs" (slight to moderate highs) and "2 slight lows".

#3. Supposedly, I'm a fast oxidizer.
Maybe I'm more accurately a mixed or moderately fast oxidizer. Probably changes a lot with me.
I guess it makes sense as I am pretty lean, but need more LBM, and don't look super ripped (but I did lose like 70-100lb when I was a teen).
-Alternatively I probably look way too skinny acc to bodybuilders, but I came from bad health to good health, to different kinds of bad health, and back again... and still need to work on eating more at times. Not that I constantly undereat, but from 18-23 or so, for sure I did usually. At times it gets better.
-Erratic sleep and eating schedule, but eating has gotten better, and sometimes almost a week at a time, I sleep early and wake up early.
-Whatever it is, mostly I'm fit and going on getting fitter... and imperfect sleep and waking is something I need to work on... but realistically has never been great (maybe in childhood). It's better than it was during my last semesters of Uni, but that's not saying much.
-I think that yes of course sleep is important for my neuro/psyche health/ well-being and also pfs. But it isn't very restorative, but is getting better slowly.
-I probably had insomnia since I was 16 or younger. And went to bed late starting at 12 or 13 maybe younger. Worsened for sure when I got skinnier/lifted/ran and worsened as ADHD and hypomania increased.
-Obviously, don't sleep at all, and you won't live long... so yes I need to work on it. Next job, (any job or school), I really struggle to rework sleep/wake cycles.
-But there is a "wall" that you hit in mornings with my issues, and probably worsened with PFS, still miles ahead... I was super tired all the time and could barely write, talk, read, think, exercise (impossible) a while ago. I despise that feeling, bc I'm not lazy and I hate laziness.
-But being super energetic and explosive in all different directions, is also bad.

I thought I would be slow or mixed... like 4-6 minerals are low, and I'm "not toxic in anything, but do have some mercury" as per my person - at LMH.
She's legit for you CDN's. I feel bad for slightly freaking out about waiting before, she is actually very helpful for this. Otherwise going straight to the source works. For a Canadian company, their customer service is pretty good (LMH).

#4. ARL Notes/Recs -Summary:
Zn/Cu seems to be: 14:0.7 (both are low). So Zn is 20x more than Cu.
Na/K seems to be: 34:23 (both a bit high, K much higher relatively on its range).
I could be losing both those though.
-Mg is optimal range. Even with taking it now... maybe worsening some ratios, probably on net getting much healthier again (with other things I'm doing).
---YA SCREW THIS TEI IS BETTER.

-#5. Recommendations:

1. SBF Formula - for
2. Thyrn-Adren -for
3. Endo A-C -for
4. GB-3 -for
5. Paramin -for
6. U or L something... can't read it. -for

-#6. Ratio:
So adding up the 6 listed significant mineral ratios and dividing by 600 = 144.3%. So slightly fast oxidation.
So I'm 144% of an ideal man. Once my true form is unleashed, more like 1000000%, and realistically my demonry can't accurately be ascertained.
I'm definitely levelling up.

Note: None of this is Hair-test advice.
"Do whatever the fuck you wanna do!!" , Hodge Twins.

 

[MNK99]

I'll test one or two of those three supplements with dex, but I ate late last night and I have acid reflux.
I don't want any to make mood worse (possible), cause digestion problems (very possible), cause weight gain (unlikely, but you never know), nor render dex ineffective (highly unlikely. Strong stimulants supercede most other substances).

-If it makes me nauseated, that's par for the course with anxiety and stress - feel like throwing up often.

-I'm not sure if I should try L-Theanine, L-Tyrosine, or Alpha-GPC (Cognitex).
Iherb - says my Cognitex (For Alpha-GPC) only has the top 2 ingredients, actually has way more.
It has Ashwagandha which was always bad for me. I'll see tho. It has decent reviews and some bad ones, the other two should be clearer in effect.

I'll just get the solo ingredients next time and not branded things, but I wanted to take care of these issues stat.

-it has Ashwagandha which was always bad for me. I'll see tho.
-Maybe L-Theanine rite now, and the Cognitex (GPC, Phospha, etc...) pre-workout (a lot of people use it for that), and more R-A, and more 4-A pre-workout,
then eating a good solid meal, and then get work done.

@HerrFisch So no Tyrosine for now, as per your advice, bc it may cause issues if Ashwagandha did.
So I took one Theanine 250mg and 20mg dex 2pm.
-I took that and an hr later, 3.15 took 200mg R-A, 200mg 4-A, and 1 Alpha-GPC (formula may have changed, only the PSP and GPC are listed as ingredients).
-That's 13-18 pills tho by day end. 1mag, 2 dex (usually I would instantize them but that's borderline abuse so took pills lately).
-All powders would be better, and may need less. Hard to import things here.
-I'm strongly against polypharmacy. But R-A and 4-A are short-term. And Theamine and GPC may very well do absolutely nothing.
-My liver and kidneys seem fine. But that's probably bc I fasted.
-In the future when I have more stability, and am on my own and post-pfs, I will get liver, kidneys, heart checked. Right now, I don't think it matters.

 

[K8668B]

MNK99- "seems like a jerk but really dislikes people". Lolll. That was great man

 

[MNK99]

I'm strongly against Polypharmacy.
And long-term (i.e. after R-A cycles and pct, etc), I'll only take dex, magnesium, and one supplement in addition to inhalers, and such.
-Ideally no more than 2 or 3 real meds. There's only one listed there (2 if you count inhalers), but people with BP etc take like 3-10. And 3 is pushing it.
-If Theanine or GPC or both work, I'll take both and change it up with better non branded ones. But I can't say for certain at this pt.

Update-post workout and errands:


Yeah. Seems better mood and baseline and worked-out now 6-7 maybe higher eventually and better with ru, prog etc later.
-Alpha-GPC, had one pill with dex. And 2x10mg dex before with Theanine 250mg. NOT TOO STIMMED FROM DEX nor zoned out nor messed up. Not too agitated with the other stuff either for now. Was a bit, usually am pre workout checking my phone, but felt almost fine peaceful-ish at the gym. Went to Costco when I didn't want to (never want to) and was fine. Alpha-GPC may take the edge off. Theanine I'm not sure.
-I may take one more Alpha-GPC just to get this trialling over with. I don't think my version has Ashwagandha but I will write them and ask.

-I want to add ru+prog soon enough. After PCT. Still need to wait to do all of that.
-7.05pm. One large meal sort of early morning, 3-4am... and also, just a protein and water drink pre- and post-workout, iced espresso (no almond milk, no cream or sugar of course), and one. Eating meatballs/stuffed peppers and spinach 8 or 9 or whenever.

 

[MNK99]

Probably a lot of my tiredness is large doses (or any at all) of R-andro, 4-andro.
I also barely sleep at times. And now I'm sleeping 5-7hrs. And more when I can.
I think post cycle and post-PCT, I'd be closer to my natural energy. I still have more than a lot of people and at times way too much... and this is closer to my norm, but it's 1.29am and I was tired at like 4pm post strength-training (gym).

Thinking about jobs... but will have to do some short time work until I'm better and can add a more professional job.
May also look into monetized blogging. I have a source, but the pay is in cryptocurrency and it's manipulated by whales. There's other writing jobs but they're irregular and of course journalism (I've done some articles for some newspapers, but I'm not a journalism student). There's sales, but like a proper writing job, I have better networks to get those kind of jobs (one in particular I had before this, but I had to refuse). My connections are back east, where the cost of living is enormous, but not a big deal. I see healthy people go from $14 an hour to 70k, to 200k jobs in NY (from Toronto). 200k is not much in NY of course, anyways that's besides the point... for now may need to find work that I really won't like...

Maybe selling or getting involved with private medicine clinics (cosmetic or dentistry). And I did consider medical device sales as a route and high technological sales. I wish it was the 80's, I'd just be stockbroker or similar. Everything I wanted is no longer viable or too old school, this was kind of true in my 20's also, even tho I was tech savvy. I'm not being a run of the mill lawyer or an accountant no way. Only law that would be cool for me would be criminal law, and dropping out of school and being a realtor can pay more. Ridiculous. I don't want to go there and then have enormous debt... also school was torture at times (I'd say worse than PSSD., but I do have ADHD, and had that and mania, and depression, and probably mixed states, and other issues all at once, and all was unbeknownst at the time --- so school was a nightmare for several years for sure). School in great health would be like 1000x easier, but still hard. And I have enough education anyways. I see Master's Engineering/Econ/Science/Lawyers (in all cities of Canada) driving Uber. If I wasn't so lost all the time, I could drive Uber or be an electrician (I'd probably get electrocuted tho).

If I was like a normal student and chose a major I was actually good in, at a good school, I'd have internships no question a long time ago. Now, and after volunteering in my youth (thinking about medicine or dentistry way back then), yeah no way. I've rejected honorariums and similar internships at media groups... My rent was 1700 a month, unpaid internship??? Wtf. But really, it's a scam... the old way of making money is dead. Hard work does not pay off. The owners of my first apartment, probably did not pay taxes, and had cash jobs and money from Asia. My friend's apartment was sold like 800,000 wiring and cash. No one makes that kind of money in Canada. All the cool entertaining jobs simply do not exist here. Acting, voice acting, music, etc... literally every job is better there in some way (in 2 or 3 places at least). Perfect grades, perfect life, sure investment banking would pay but I'm far from that. Master's and then PhD in econ (No way I'd make it that far) - yeah no thx.

There's also research and shortening information which is tedious and super annoying and near impossible for me (when it came to graded papers). For other people, I care less... so it's easier... but really not a good way to make money. But on paper, looks good if it's with some PhD's etc. Kind of good at least to the forward-looking writing jobs (which may not actually be enjoyable but could eventually lead to moving to the States). Having a job now and applying later will make it easier to get in (and by that time I'd be closer in recovery).

Keeping some crypto isn't bad as it will become more common in transactions. But converting to fiat, investing, trading, only living in the cryptosphere are all different things. But even with Crypto... if it's not "real money", the older generation will not understand and assume I'm screwing around.

Investing/trading in it in Canada is hard... banks like to send internal emails telling employees to close accounts as it's a "safety risk". There are ways though.... but it's a pain in the ass. And really, currency trading (actual fiat currencies) may actually be easier to get into. There's always stocks... but it's not enough and it's been a long time. There's also developing economies' equities, and real estate there too. I have someone that can teach me T.A. in currency (and therefore applicable everywhere) and other info sources... but it's much easier to trade full time, with enough capital to not worry about things. Same with professional school, if it could be paid in cash, and you have hookups... who cares, just go if it's a good city. If it causes debt, is in a city you won't enjoy... that's another thing UNLESS you were meant to do that profession (medicine, law, etc). Anyways, I'll figure stuff out soon. Kind of thought I did though before... then reality hit me, then I started fin, and now I'm back there again kind of. One thing is -- being a professional of that kind instills structure that I probably am in severe need of.

I have no "borders"/"boundaries"/"rules" - this post was literally meant to be just the first sentence: "Probably a lot of my tiredness is large doses (or any at all) of R-andro, 4-andro."

Reminder: I have an endo appointment I think at 11.45am. I will ask for a PDE2.

 

[Concerned]

Probably a lot of my tiredness is large doses (or any at all) of R-andro, 4-andro.
I also barely sleep at times. And now I'm sleeping 5-7hrs. And more when I can.
I think post cycle and post-PCT, I'd be closer to my natural energy. I still have more than a lot of people and at times way too much... and this is closer to my norm, but it's 1.29am and I was tired at like 4pm post strength-training (gym).

Thinking about jobs... but will have to do some short time work until I'm better and can add a more professional job.
May also look into monetized blogging. I have a source, but the pay is in cryptocurrency and it's manipulated by whales. There's other writing jobs but they're irregular and of course journalism (I've done some articles for some newspapers, but I'm not a journalism student). There's sales, but like a proper writing job, I have better networks to get those kind of jobs (one in particular I had before this, but I had to refuse). My connections are back east, where the cost of living is enormous, but not a big deal. I see healthy people go from $14 an hour to 70k, to 200k jobs in NY (from Toronto). 200k is not much in NY of course, anyways that's besides the point... for now may need to find work that I really won't like...

Maybe selling or getting involved with private medicine clinics (cosmetic or dentistry). And I did consider medical device sales as a route and high technological sales. I wish it was the 80's, I'd just be stockbroker or similar. Everything I wanted is no longer viable or too old school, this was kind of true in my 20's also, even tho I was tech savvy. I'm not being a run of the mill lawyer or an accountant no way. Only law that would be cool for me would be criminal law, and dropping out of school and being a realtor can pay more. Ridiculous. I don't want to go there and then have enormous debt... also school was torture at times (I'd say worse than PSSD., but I do have ADHD, and had that and mania, and depression, and probably mixed states, and other issues all at once, and all was unbeknownst at the time --- so school was a nightmare for several years for sure). School in great health would be like 1000x easier, but still hard. And I have enough education anyways. I see Master's Engineering/Econ/Science/Lawyers (in all cities of Canada) driving Uber. If I wasn't so lost all the time, I could drive Uber or be an electrician (I'd probably get electrocuted tho).

If I was like a normal student and chose a major I was actually good in, at a good school, I'd have internships no question a long time ago. Now, and after volunteering in my youth (thinking about medicine or dentistry way back then), yeah no way. I've rejected honorariums and similar internships at media groups... My rent was 1700 a month, unpaid internship??? Wtf. But really, it's a scam... the old way of making money is dead. Hard work does not pay off. The owners of my first apartment, probably did not pay taxes, and had cash jobs and money from Asia. My friend's apartment was sold like 800,000 wiring and cash. No one makes that kind of money in Canada. All the cool entertaining jobs simply do not exist here. Acting, voice acting, music, etc... literally every job is better there in some way (in 2 or 3 places at least). Perfect grades, perfect life, sure investment banking would pay but I'm far from that. Master's and then PhD in econ (No way I'd make it that far) - yeah no thx.

There's also research and shortening information which is tedious and super annoying and near impossible for me (when it came to graded papers). For other people, I care less... so it's easier... but really not a good way to make money. But on paper, looks good if it's with some PhD's etc. Kind of good at least to the forward-looking writing jobs (which may not actually be enjoyable but could eventually lead to moving to the States). Having a job now and applying later will make it easier to get in (and by that time I'd be closer in recovery).

Keeping some crypto isn't bad as it will become more common. But converting to fiat, investing, trading, only living in the cryptosphere are all different things.
Investing/trading in it in Canada is hard... banks like to close accounts and send internal emails telling employees to do that. There are ways though.... but it's a pain in the ass. And really, currency trading (actual fiat currencies) may actually be easier to get into. There's always stocks... but it's not enough and it's been a long time. I have someone that can teach me T.A. in currency (and therefore applicable everywhere) and other info sources... but it's much easier to trade full time, with enough capital to not worry about things. Same with professional school, if it could be paid in cash, and you have hookups... who cares, just go if it's a good city. If it causes debt, is in a city you won't enjoy... that's a whole other issue. Anyways, I'll figure stuff out.

Reminder: I have an endo appointment I think at 11.45am. I will ask for cialis.

Be sure to link to your crypto musings if you do blog about it

 

[MNK99]

Haha, yeah @Concerned, I don't think I'm quite sophisticated to blog about crypto yet... but it would be about health, fitness, iatrogenic illness, psychology, random things... entertainment, etc - on a crypto backed blog (for lack of a better term). I think it's better than selling some e-book, or self-publishing.

I will for sure link. It's hard dealing with people in NY, Asia, and other timezones right now, and they're super busy too, otherwise I could answer some of my infinite questions.

 

[MNK99]

-04.05.2018:
-Fasting all day today.
-Weight at Clinic was 192lb (that's not true weight), real weight is 188.7lb, and even that's not "true weight", with good digestion, cortisol down etc, it'd be less.
-baking soda, magnesium citrate (ran out of preferred types), 20mg Dex, 2 A-GPC i.e. 600mg Alpha-Glyceryl Phosphoryl Choline + 100mg Green Phosphatidylserine.
-i.e. NaHCO3 + C6H5MgO7 + C9NH13 + C8H20NO6P + C13H24NO10P --> 11.30. And some caffeine like 12-1 and 2.30 (2.5 shots espresso total).

Mood-energy (dual dx) rating:
-Energy: 8/10 (pretty good, but not the best).
-Focus: 8/10 (it's all relative, I still waste a lot of time and get lost physically and mentally a bit)
-Mood: 8/10 maybe like 4-5 with nothing, dex like 4.5-6., and GPC like 7 maybe 8. If highest ever is LTG initially that I can remember. Nothing bothered me.
-Dex side effects: 8/10 or so, insomnia, stress, agitation (normal and exacerbated with dex) are lowered. 10/10 = no side effects, 0-4 = very bad, <0 equals fin, effexor.
-Feeling that I can do whatever the hell it is I need to do: 8/10.
-Anxiety: 6-8/10. Ok mood.
-Dealing with a lot of stuff and future plans so high anxiety makes sense.
-Depression: 2-3/10 (where lower number is lower depression). After finasteride and pre fast it was like 1000/10.

Other stuff:
-Less hostile, not arguing as much. NO altercations can calm self down. ALWAYS could but then smashed something else or wanted to. - I should live in NY. -got cialis.
-GOT Great job offers rite before this shit... was turning major corners 24 25 26 and life was going well ... but for school, then bipolar med, then this shit, pfs.

 

[MNK99]

My Apothecary/Pharma Cabinet:
Now includes 2xru486. Soon 4 if things go accordingly.
I have 6/8 things I was waiting on in recent 4 weeks, I guess. 1 more soon, 1 more is just mailed ARL. 6/9 with cialis, 7--8/9 tmro.
-More R-A and 4-A will be here soon. -Cialis tomorrow at pharmacy. -I guess I have everything I need to recover practically to resolve PFS, except maybe further cycles of things (I have enough for 2-3 most likely of most things).
-And further hair tests, etc. Progesterone etc (had a long time). Further PCT but may not even need it.
-Maybe LDN in the future. -And other holistic health things that I do not have... but the costly, time consuming things I have and will have more of soon enough. -So I can relax about that.

-Fight temptation to microdose ru. Hide them in my room or somewhere, like an old briefcase or something.
-I think it would help digestion and sex drive. But I can wait... cialis, this that, and everything else R-A/4-A, etc., ru+prog would all work better quite likely in the future. Though if I have 4 soon enough, I can afford to spend one half or so of one on microdosing... but I told others I'll wait, so I'll wait.

 

[MNK99]

-April 6th 2018, 1.43pm.

NOFAP 90 days. Make it. Serum test increase, better eye contact, not caring at all what others think. And also helps the gym gains, and leanness. Helps business and confidence.
I'm clean of everything else.
-Restart NOFAP Weds April 11th 2018. MAKE 90 days++. 2.30am. Fucking hell.

Current PFS-Plan:
-Fast --> refeed --> ella 2 pills --> R-A/4-A --> PCT --> snapback --> ru486 trial --> snapback --> either [ru+prog] or R-A/4-A trial 2, and cialis (2.5mg max per d 30d, I probably don't need that much, so myb 3-4x a week). --> PCT/snapback --> ru486/prog -->workout more --> eventually ARL supplements.
-Currently in the "red" phase. Looks like I haven't done a lot, but actually I have done a ton... like 10-12 weeks worth of work on this, after 30-50+ weeks of hell.

-This can change and isn't exact, and I am not including random things that I tried which didn't work.
-Other stack is there for my other issues. I'd discontinue as needed like when using ru.

Today:
-Ideally just get work done fast, FAST, so ru can happen soon (after current R-A/4-A trial + PCT/snapback). Also, so I am ready for some stuff in June.
-Also rest day means easier to cut cals, and using low R-A/4-A also. So guaranteed cutting and LBM maintenance (and slight growth over week and weeks).
-Pick up script at pharmacy.
-Get in the the stuff that I was trying to. -bnk first, set up pieces there, and tsf to a new one., manipulate what needs to be manipulated.
-Also change car add, make a new one on Autotrader (waste of time).
-Maybe I'll do some bosu ball and rehab work, leg work at home.

Note:
-Things will get better over time. pretty ok now but will be better and I don't need to feel so rushed, can relax a bit at times.
-187lb pre meal, less with cutting at least one day total fast 24h, and ADF other days (not going too too low bc I get hungry with R-A/4-A + workouts).
-Pharmacy called., said 200mcg/5mcg for inhaler may be better for long-lasting control, or keeping it as it is or using that + salbutamol pre exercise (zenhale doesn't help with exercised induced asthma). I don't want to change that just yet I could, but then I may be using that all the time too - used to use it. May agn in future.
-And other things should not interact with asthma.
-I will run ru486*** during PCT, a dirty trial perhaps, but it will bring me closer to resolution. Working out Apr 7 5pm.
-2000-3500 cals lost per week or so, plus and minus up days and down days should be like 182-183lb in 7-10 more weeks, likely less if things go the way they do before.

 

[MNK99]

I'm a walking pharmacy, better than an autopsy, with the coroner's note, saying it was a "rare reaction" based on the pharmacological report. After all this shyt, I'm ready to extort, represent myself in court, with a smirk and attache case, the devil and the lord, trading with vodka on the rocks, the feds can suck my cocks, vacationing off in Marriott resorts, screaming but mofos can't hear it and my voice is getting hoarse, retribution mode, with no remorse.