General Chat

[RebelWithACause]

@highserotonin90 that comment is towards me? I am not that deep in this stuff bro. But I would ask myself question why is my metabolism low? I am under constant stress? I am under eating chronically over over exercising or I took some drug that altered my biochemistry or Have some toxicity or deficiency or what?
In my case it is combination of things. My issues started from just biochemistry/genetics issues I think. Like not fully developing my brain(Kallmann syndrome possibly from two head concussions I had at age right before puberty should start + copper/mercury toxicity, deficiency of zinc, selenium, iodine etc.. But that developed to mental issues. Because I no longer could fit to any group of people due to very late to almost no puberty.. Like I and people around me including family created this hell for me. Just now I realized that I live in fear and worry 24/7 from age when puberty should start to now. So from like 14yo to now 39yo.. I realized that I live like injured animal constantly running away from predators. I escape from one and hide. Trying to rest and relax to only realizing that another predator is right next to me. So all I did/ am doing is running, coping, living in survival mode.
Constantly pretending something, avoiding people and uncomfortable conversations etc..
That is the reason for me that I deal with hypothyroidsm, low anabolic vitality hormones, chronically high stress hormones etc..
Trying to fix it now when I finally know whats up. But it is hard now. Decade to late. To far from average let alone good health.. But will try anyway. What else I can do. I can always just kill myself. So that can wait for now. Maybe my body gives up soon on it's own and I don't have to bother anymore.. Will see..

So similar here. But I am now to a point this fear is much smaller. I now notice more of my autistic behaviours. Before this, the fear masked everything.

What you say it's the same when people get bullied and they have the same symptoms years later from getting bullied. I never got bullied funny enough because I always made myself invisible. Quiet, adapted to environment.

As for me: People never picked on me. I notice people who get bullied they are often less adapted to the environment and they stick out like a sore thumb. In a way they are more honest in their communication to the world. They are less adaptive to environment (masking). So I never had to deal with that. But funny enough I was probably even worse than those who were being bullied. I masked myself 24/7 just so people would never think of me to take me as a target. Plus I compensated with aggression when there was no other option. Same as a wounded animal. I was a shapeshifter.

The thing that sucks about being that way is that you never know when someone likes you for who you are because you always fake everything. It caused me even lower self confidence.

It's logical... nothing wrong with it. It is a survival mechanism. But it sucks when you are older and an "adult male" because people expect you to be a normal adult pretty much. Or at least will treat you as such. Although to be fair most people are still like children when they are older. Sometimes I meet a man and you can tell he is a full grown adult but it's rare. Same for women.

I think you can get to normal at least. Average. I mean I hit that point now somewhat. Took me a while but I am here so. Maybe I'm still a bit more strange than the average person. I doubt that will go away. But I don't wake up in a sort of cognitive hell close to burning out every day. Far from it. Normalcy has slowly returned. Not fully but close to it.
Hope you get better dude and it is possible. Just have to put realistic expectations and "goals" (I hate "goals", but you know a realistic thing to work towards).

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause I got bullied but not some extreme case.
Yeah I realized this as well that most people especially today when life is much easier for most people that they are just big child adults.. Just because he has a well developed body, full beard etc. doesn't mean that he is real man, complete adult like people from world war era etc.. I used to put everyone who looks like adult on a pedestal. But now when I realized how my parents are fucked up for example that just because they are my parents doesn't mean they are good/balanced/ healthy to be around people.. Same thing for strangers..
Anyways I don't mind to suffer and to have less than ideal life. I got used to it and still be happy in some ways and to enjoy that I am still here and can observe what is going on etc.. But my health is going downhill fast. Like I feel my cardiovascular system gets calcified. As crazy it sounds you can feel it. By touch or just by feel.. I think I had plaque buildup from day when I crashed and got insane oxidative stress from high free copper. Just now it started calcifie big time..
I think it got much worse because of the stress that I still have. Instead of finally living on my own doing some easy job to make just enough for basic living. I got this insane job stressful physically and mentally and now after 4 months doing it + continuous stress at home my body had zero time to be in regeneration mode..
My hair is also fucked up like never before. Like I am close to be bald on top. Always said no big deal for me, but when you have all this stress and now you look in the mirror to see that shit show. That doesn't help to lower stress lol..
Have to figure out something fast. Struggle to find new job that is not so damaging. I have money like 5000 euros. So I could live somewhere alone for at least couple of months. But I don't think it is a good ideal because I would be in constant stress of what I do next when money run out and I would have to go back to my parents apartment lol..+
Summer will be over soon and I have hard time functioning in cold weather due to low metabolism etc.. Hopefully I will find a job soon for another couple of months and after that travel to some warm place for whole winter or if I could do that job long term I would find some rent.. That would be less ideal, but at least I could have some rest and not to be stressed 24/7 by toxic people around me and if some celebration comes or something I can just easily say I can't go I am sick or have a work or whatever.. But like I said even this avoiding and stuff would make me stressed. Ideal is just different city far away or different country.
Would try to go work to Netherlands, but they want those stupid shoes with steel/alu toes which I can't wear becaue of how my legs are fucked up. Like how stupid reason is that to not be able to move on in life LOL.
Btw before someone will say "running away will not help you" I would answer by 1. I am not running from myself. I am not looking for distractions. I am actually looking for the opposite. Place where I don't have to distract myself and be present with myself.. 2. there is a saying "You can't get well in a place that made you sick in a first place.." To that I can only say I wish someone told me this 10 times a day 20 years ago...