General Chat

[RebelWithACause]

@highserotonin90 that comment is towards me? I am not that deep in this stuff bro. But I would ask myself question why is my metabolism low? I am under constant stress? I am under eating chronically over over exercising or I took some drug that altered my biochemistry or Have some toxicity or deficiency or what?
In my case it is combination of things. My issues started from just biochemistry/genetics issues I think. Like not fully developing my brain(Kallmann syndrome possibly from two head concussions I had at age right before puberty should start + copper/mercury toxicity, deficiency of zinc, selenium, iodine etc.. But that developed to mental issues. Because I no longer could fit to any group of people due to very late to almost no puberty.. Like I and people around me including family created this hell for me. Just now I realized that I live in fear and worry 24/7 from age when puberty should start to now. So from like 14yo to now 39yo.. I realized that I live like injured animal constantly running away from predators. I escape from one and hide. Trying to rest and relax to only realizing that another predator is right next to me. So all I did/ am doing is running, coping, living in survival mode.
Constantly pretending something, avoiding people and uncomfortable conversations etc..
That is the reason for me that I deal with hypothyroidsm, low anabolic vitality hormones, chronically high stress hormones etc..
Trying to fix it now when I finally know whats up. But it is hard now. Decade to late. To far from average let alone good health.. But will try anyway. What else I can do. I can always just kill myself. So that can wait for now. Maybe my body gives up soon on it's own and I don't have to bother anymore.. Will see..

So similar here. But I am now to a point this fear is much smaller. I now notice more of my autistic behaviours. Before this, the fear masked everything.

What you say it's the same when people get bullied and they have the same symptoms years later from getting bullied. I never got bullied funny enough because I always made myself invisible. Quiet, adapted to environment.

As for me: People never picked on me. I notice people who get bullied they are often less adapted to the environment and they stick out like a sore thumb. In a way they are more honest in their communication to the world. They are less adaptive to environment (masking). So I never had to deal with that. But funny enough I was probably even worse than those who were being bullied. I masked myself 24/7 just so people would never think of me to take me as a target. Plus I compensated with aggression when there was no other option. Same as a wounded animal. I was a shapeshifter.

The thing that sucks about being that way is that you never know when someone likes you for who you are because you always fake everything. It caused me even lower self confidence.

It's logical... nothing wrong with it. It is a survival mechanism. But it sucks when you are older and an "adult male" because people expect you to be a normal adult pretty much. Or at least will treat you as such. Although to be fair most people are still like children when they are older. Sometimes I meet a man and you can tell he is a full grown adult but it's rare. Same for women.

I think you can get to normal at least. Average. I mean I hit that point now somewhat. Took me a while but I am here so. Maybe I'm still a bit more strange than the average person. I doubt that will go away. But I don't wake up in a sort of cognitive hell close to burning out every day. Far from it. Normalcy has slowly returned. Not fully but close to it.
Hope you get better dude and it is possible. Just have to put realistic expectations and "goals" (I hate "goals", but you know a realistic thing to work towards).

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause I got bullied but not some extreme case.
Yeah I realized this as well that most people especially today when life is much easier for most people that they are just big child adults.. Just because he has a well developed body, full beard etc. doesn't mean that he is real man, complete adult like people from world war era etc.. I used to put everyone who looks like adult on a pedestal. But now when I realized how my parents are fucked up for example that just because they are my parents doesn't mean they are good/balanced/ healthy to be around people.. Same thing for strangers..
Anyways I don't mind to suffer and to have less than ideal life. I got used to it and still be happy in some ways and to enjoy that I am still here and can observe what is going on etc.. But my health is going downhill fast. Like I feel my cardiovascular system gets calcified. As crazy it sounds you can feel it. By touch or just by feel.. I think I had plaque buildup from day when I crashed and got insane oxidative stress from high free copper. Just now it started calcifie big time..
I think it got much worse because of the stress that I still have. Instead of finally living on my own doing some easy job to make just enough for basic living. I got this insane job stressful physically and mentally and now after 4 months doing it + continuous stress at home my body had zero time to be in regeneration mode..
My hair is also fucked up like never before. Like I am close to be bald on top. Always said no big deal for me, but when you have all this stress and now you look in the mirror to see that shit show. That doesn't help to lower stress lol..
Have to figure out something fast. Struggle to find new job that is not so damaging. I have money like 5000 euros. So I could live somewhere alone for at least couple of months. But I don't think it is a good ideal because I would be in constant stress of what I do next when money run out and I would have to go back to my parents apartment lol..+
Summer will be over soon and I have hard time functioning in cold weather due to low metabolism etc.. Hopefully I will find a job soon for another couple of months and after that travel to some warm place for whole winter or if I could do that job long term I would find some rent.. That would be less ideal, but at least I could have some rest and not to be stressed 24/7 by toxic people around me and if some celebration comes or something I can just easily say I can't go I am sick or have a work or whatever.. But like I said even this avoiding and stuff would make me stressed. Ideal is just different city far away or different country.
Would try to go work to Netherlands, but they want those stupid shoes with steel/alu toes which I can't wear becaue of how my legs are fucked up. Like how stupid reason is that to not be able to move on in life LOL.
Btw before someone will say "running away will not help you" I would answer by 1. I am not running from myself. I am not looking for distractions. I am actually looking for the opposite. Place where I don't have to distract myself and be present with myself.. 2. there is a saying "You can't get well in a place that made you sick in a first place.." To that I can only say I wish someone told me this 10 times a day 20 years ago...

 

[ruprmurdoch]

in regards of bullying, i like sometimes play ,,weak" to attract bullys and then stop playing and hit them hard. i like that feeling of stupid assholes who form hunters suddenly become hunted

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause I got bullied but not some extreme case.
Yeah I realized this as well that most people especially today when life is much easier for most people that they are just big child adults.. Just because he has a well developed body, full beard etc. doesn't mean that he is real man, complete adult like people from world war era etc.. I used to put everyone who looks like adult on a pedestal. But now when I realized how my parents are fucked up for example that just because they are my parents doesn't mean they are good/balanced/ healthy to be around people.. Same thing for strangers..
Anyways I don't mind to suffer and to have less than ideal life. I got used to it and still be happy in some ways and to enjoy that I am still here and can observe what is going on etc.. But my health is going downhill fast. Like I feel my cardiovascular system gets calcified. As crazy it sounds you can feel it. By touch or just by feel.. I think I had plaque buildup from day when I crashed and got insane oxidative stress from high free copper. Just now it started calcifie big time..
I think it got much worse because of the stress that I still have. Instead of finally living on my own doing some easy job to make just enough for basic living. I got this insane job stressful physically and mentally and now after 4 months doing it + continuous stress at home my body had zero time to be in regeneration mode..
My hair is also fucked up like never before. Like I am close to be bald on top. Always said no big deal for me, but when you have all this stress and now you look in the mirror to see that shit show. That doesn't help to lower stress lol..
Have to figure out something fast. Struggle to find new job that is not so damaging. I have money like 5000 euros. So I could live somewhere alone for at least couple of months. But I don't think it is a good ideal because I would be in constant stress of what I do next when money run out and I would have to go back to my parents apartment lol..+
Summer will be over soon and I have hard time functioning in cold weather due to low metabolism etc.. Hopefully I will find a job soon for another couple of months and after that travel to some warm place for whole winter or if I could do that job long term I would find some rent.. That would be less ideal, but at least I could have some rest and not to be stressed 24/7 by toxic people around me and if some celebration comes or something I can just easily say I can't go I am sick or have a work or whatever.. But like I said even this avoiding and stuff would make me stressed. Ideal is just different city far away or different country.
Would try to go work to Netherlands, but they want those stupid shoes with steel/alu toes which I can't wear becaue of how my legs are fucked up. Like how stupid reason is that to not be able to move on in life LOL.
Btw before someone will say "running away will not help you" I would answer by 1. I am not running from myself. I am not looking for distractions. I am actually looking for the opposite. Place where I don't have to distract myself and be present with myself.. 2. there is a saying "You can't get well in a place that made you sick in a first place.." To that I can only say I wish someone told me this 10 times a day 20 years ago...

For me enviroment had little to do with me being sick. Maybe it was partly genetically as well or predispositions from birth. My parents always fed me good food, meat, dairy products, vegetables, fresh fruits, no crazy food that some people grew up on like a vegan diet or weird one sided diet or even a junkfood diet. My environment was very good from a young age. Good neighbourhood (normal with children playing everyday outside, active), no poverty, no weird behaviours. Nothing that would be environmentally toxic on the body so to speak. But both me and my parents had symptoms that others did not have I noticed. Or at least not as much. So there was already an unhealthiness that came from previous generations. They never treated me like shit though so maybe this is where you can get problems if your parents treat you badly. But look here:

Many years ago I did a study examining chemistry differences between male siblings in which one was a violent delinquent and the other a well-behaved child. We balanced age and birth order and accepted only those who lived in the same household and attended the same school.
I clearly remember a family living in the squalor of Chicago’s south side black ghetto…… The father was in Stateville Prison for murder…. the mother was a prostitute who sometimes entertained her “guests” at home in the presence of the children. The boys were age 10 and 11 and both had suffered physical and sexual abuse from the customers. I’ve never seen a worse environment….. I remember being very nervous just driving into the neighborhood.
The 10 yr old was oppositional, defiant, cruel, truant, and was already in a violent gang. However, his 11 yr old brother was quite amazing…… a well-behaved, polite young man who was an excellent student and also class president. For years I wondered how such a miracle could have happened.
We eventually found 24 families that included an “all-American boy” and a “child from hell”. The ill-behaved children had clear chemistry abnormalities whereas the well-behaved ones generally exhibited expected trace-metal levels.

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause Problem with my parents was that they never taught me anything. Which is not the worst thing if you are normal physically developing kid. You just get into puberty. Get interested in adult stuff and just leave to your place, have a job etc.. But if you are stuck physically and mentally in kids body you are thinking what PC game you want to play or what sweets to buy. Girls, jobs, living alone etc.. is not on your mind at all heh..
Like I said I don't have sense of smell from birth. It is clear that I have mild case of Kallmann syndrome. I say mild because I don't have micro penis or cleft lip or any defect like that. But it is clear that something in my brain didn't develop properly. Like I said maybe it has something to do with the two concussions I had in age where puberty should slowly start..
I think it is just all factors together.. Anyway like I said I figured out eventually most of the stuff just at least decade to late.. Was too busy with all kinds of coping to to put things together sooner unfortunately..
I wish I had my peace so I can just focus on myself. Do the mineral balancing program properly. But I just can't catch a break. But that's ok. Most people have it like that. You just run fast from the hill and you can't stop. You are just speeding more and more and eventually crash and that's it..

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause Problem with my parents was that they never taught me anything. Which is not the worst thing if you are normal physically developing kid. You just get into puberty. Get interested in adult stuff and just leave to your place, have a job etc.. But if you are stuck physically and mentally in kids body you are thinking what PC game you want to play or what sweets to buy. Girls, jobs, living alone etc.. is not on your mind at all heh..
Like I said I don't have sense of smell from birth. It is clear that I have mild case of Kallmann syndrome. I say mild because I don't have micro penis or cleft lip or any defect like that. But it is clear that something in my brain didn't develop properly. Like I said maybe it has something to do with the two concussions I had in age where puberty should slowly start..
I think it is just all factors together.. Anyway like I said I figured out eventually most of the stuff just at least decade to late.. Was too busy with all kinds of coping to to put things together sooner unfortunately..
I wish I had my peace so I can just focus on myself. Do the mineral balancing program properly. But I just can't catch a break. But that's ok. Most people have it like that. You just run fast from the hill and you can't stop. You are just speeding more and more and eventually crash and that's it..

Probably NADPH production is low in people who have toxicities. So you have less hormones in puberty too. Which in that case is good or you get too much oxidative stress which is even worse. Which also happens with anabolic steroids but different mechanism. I just enjoy my hobbies now mostly. I stopped caring about acting like society wants and normalcies. I kind of live like a pensioner I guess. Just enjoying hobbies, stay active and fit, etc. It's not a bad life. Could be worse. Anyways hope you'll do better soon.

 

[ruprmurdoch]

Probably NADPH production is low in people who have toxicities. So you have less hormones in puberty too. Which in that case is good or you get too much oxidative stress which is even worse. Which also happens with anabolic steroids but different mechanism. I just enjoy my hobbies now mostly. I stopped caring about acting like society wants and normalcies. I kind of live like a pensioner I guess. Just enjoying hobbies, stay active and fit, etc. It's not a bad life. Could be worse. Anyways hope you'll do better soon.

I know that Yura dont want me to put nose into his case, but I would not be myself If I don't. Yura is 99,99% right that he should go to some ,,sunny country" and that it will heal him. I just studied that thought, beacuse recently was in sunny places and swim few times in mediterrain sea, and I saw changes myself (I lost almost all apetite although made every day 15km. 80 % of my food was yougurts,yellow cheese,water,sometimes juices, sometime watermelon). I was constant undercaloric. My weight before was 10kg overweight.

I started to think what is going on, although I was almost sure that problem is probably copper/iron

So I found that a lot of sun give huge spike in norepinephrine and huge spike in melanogenesis. What connect these two things guys, what do you think ? Yes ! Copper It looks like UV or other spectrum from sun Increase norepi (which is produced thanks to copper) and increase melanin (which also is produced thanks to cu). Cu is binded to human fat. Also spike in norepi. start burning fat process -lipolysis.
So going to sunny country to fight cu toxicity is great idea. Sun will remove excess of cu from your body !