Yura log

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause Yeah I am lucky that I am not from third world country, but it is far from social system in Western/Northern Europe.. Because I work mostly some part time jobs. My pension money would be so low that I couldn't survive anyways. So for sure I don't give a fuck about that. If would do so good that I would survive and live to older where I can't no longer work. I would probably kill myself or try to make it to some warm country and live/die there a some homeless..
But so far how things look it doesn't seem I have to worry about what I will do in my 70s lol..
I am doing so bad it is almost funny..

 

[manu]

Any suggestions for good "unofficial small jobs"?

I know a few guys who do gardening, animal sitting, ... etc that way.
It is mostly done by word-of-mouth recommendation.

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause Yeah I am lucky that I am not from third world country, but it is far from social system in Western/Northern Europe.. Because I work mostly some part time jobs. My pension money would be so low that I couldn't survive anyways. So for sure I don't give a fuck about that. If would do so good that I would survive and live to older where I can't no longer work. I would probably kill myself or try to make it to some warm country and live/die there a some homeless..
But so far how things look it doesn't seem I have to worry about what I will do in my 70s lol..
I am doing so bad it is almost funny..

What are you taking/doing currently??

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause Nothing basically. It just reality is setting in more and more... Too much stress. Can't catch a break..

 

[RebelWithACause]

Do you have low cortisol? Low cortisol makes me not be able to handle any stress for example

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause I think I had adrenals in much worse shape before, but my body in general was not that fucked up and aged.. That is the thing.. Now I think my body is in stress mode from the fact how hard it is to keep this body alive at this point.. It is just so many factors against me..

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause I think I had adrenals in much worse shape before, but my body in general was not that fucked up and aged.. That is the thing.. Now I think my body is in stress mode from the fact how hard it is to keep this body alive at this point.. It is just so many factors against me..

Yea it sucks. I'd just do a protocol and diet that at least make me feel better. Then just do that for a while. I mean there's no magic bullet sadly so you just have to find something that works for you at this point.

You can also read Helen he had like stilts like Thorne Extra + Resveratrol. Or Thyroid + DHT. Etc. I'd just take something that at least makes me functional then on top do detox stuff.

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause Today I was here in new shitty Russian supermarket they had post on facebook that they hire people. They hired me and I staid there and worked 7 hours lol. Somewhat "ok" money like 1300 euro for 160 hours. But don't think I will last long there lol.. At least it is just morning shift from 8:00 to 16:30 or 9:30 to 18:00. I could rent apartment and have money left for food and some extra stuff with that money, but during 4 month probation period they can fire me anytime and I can leave anytime.. So it would be a bad idea to start to rent apartment during those 4 months. So dream scenario would be I am able to work there 4 months and after that I can rent apartment, be somewhat less stressed because they can't just fire me without any reason or they have to keep me there for 2 months from the day they fire me and also I would have some money saved from those 4 months. So I would be in great position to finally do some healing. But who knows. It is really hard work. In fridge as well. I can get sick or just crash from that stress and they just fire me.. Spend money I had left on good quality whey protein to keep amino acids up. At fist I wanted hydrolyzed whey, but chatGPT said that native CFM whey protein is much better for upping glutathione etc.. So hopefully it will help..

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause Today I was here in new shitty Russian supermarket they had post on facebook that they hire people. They hired me and I staid there and worked 7 hours lol. Somewhat "ok" money like 1300 euro for 160 hours. But don't think I will last long there lol.. At least it is just morning shift from 8:00 to 16:30 or 9:30 to 18:00. I could rent apartment and have money left for food and some extra stuff with that money, but during 4 month probation period they can fire me anytime and I can leave anytime.. So it would be a bad idea to start to rent apartment during those 4 months. So dream scenario would be I am able to work there 4 months and after that I can rent apartment, be somewhat less stressed because they can't just fire me without any reason or they have to keep me there for 2 months from the day they fire me and also I would have some money saved from those 4 months. So I would be in great position to finally do some healing. But who knows. It is really hard work. In fridge as well. I can get sick or just crash from that stress and they just fire me.. Spend money I had left on good quality whey protein to keep amino acids up. At fist I wanted hydrolyzed whey, but chatGPT said that native CFM whey protein is much better for upping glutathione etc.. So hopefully it will help..

Nice dude. I mean I used to work as well in freezers and stuff in supermarket. It never made me sick. Just take care of yourself best you can while working there.

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause my family is insane. I had one of the biggest adrenaline dump ever this morning over so stupid stuff... and in work I was lifting heavy stuff and I got crazy shaky, started to sweat, had zero power in my muscles and my throat started hurting and I started coughing..
It is so fucking sad that you know my sister, father etc. would be nice and kind people if their body chemistry was not so fucked up.. Father 2 years on hormones after prostate removal. he is in complete burnout for sure. Sister full mouth of amalgams, was on birth control pills now she has copper IUD or something probably and thinks that meat is bad so eats loads of nuts, seeds, dried fruits, garbage like that.. Crazy estrogen dominant, metal toxic maniac.. Just talking to her and my armpits are soaked from adrenaline..
I know for a fact that once her estrogen drops from menopause it is game over for her. But what I stupid warehouse worker little brother I know right.. She and her husband work in hospital.. She knows everything the best lol..
I need have to create a lot of space between me and her that's for sure. Unfortunately she lives in the same building and I and my parents take care of her kids all the time..
Really can't wait for a day that I will decide if I want to see her or not. For now she and everybody else can just show up in my room and I can't do nothing about it.
It is just insane I didn't realized that this is the core issue for me. Why I struggle so much to get better for so long.
Hopefully some nice cheap apartment for rent will show up. I would probably risk it. I would rather work even night shifts, but come home to calm place knowing that if my phone is off. I am "safe" and nobody can fuck with me..

 

[ruprmurdoch]

@RebelWithACause my family is insane. I had one of the biggest adrenaline dump ever this morning. In work I was lifting heavy stuff and I got crazy shaky, started to sweat, had zero power in my muscles and my throat started hurting and I started coughing..
It is so fucking sad that you know my sister, father etc. would be nice and kind people if their body chemistry was not so fucked up.. Father 2 years on hormones after prostate removal. he is in complete burnout for sure. Sister full mouth of amalgams, was on birth control pills now she has copper IUD or something probably and thinks that meat is bad so eats loads of nuts, seeds, dried fruits, garbage like that.. Crazy estrogen dominant, metal toxic maniac.. Just talking to her and my armpits are soaked from adrenaline..
I know for a fact that once her estrogen drops from menopause it is game over for her. But what I stupid warehouse worker little brother I know right.. She and her husband work in hospital.. She knows everything the best lol..

estrogen dominance really turn some human into garbage
copper will go into brain and uterus (in case of women), and make all bad shit that exists in this world. the best part -or the worst - that you literally cant help them. if you will try to help them you will probably end up being the ,,worst" beacuse of rage and lookin for easiest target estrogen cause. thank you for recalling me how contraceptives tools are fckd up.

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause my family is insane. I had one of the biggest adrenaline dump ever this morning over so stupid stuff... and in work I was lifting heavy stuff and I got crazy shaky, started to sweat, had zero power in my muscles and my throat started hurting and I started coughing..
It is so fucking sad that you know my sister, father etc. would be nice and kind people if their body chemistry was not so fucked up.. Father 2 years on hormones after prostate removal. he is in complete burnout for sure. Sister full mouth of amalgams, was on birth control pills now she has copper IUD or something probably and thinks that meat is bad so eats loads of nuts, seeds, dried fruits, garbage like that.. Crazy estrogen dominant, metal toxic maniac.. Just talking to her and my armpits are soaked from adrenaline..
I know for a fact that once her estrogen drops from menopause it is game over for her. But what I stupid warehouse worker little brother I know right.. She and her husband work in hospital.. She knows everything the best lol..
I need have to create a lot of space between me and her that's for sure. Unfortunately she lives in the same building and I and my parents take care of her kids all the time..
Really can't wait for a day that I will decide if I want to see her or not. For now she and everybody else can just show up in my room and I can't do nothing about it.
It is just insane I didn't realized that this is the core issue for me. Why I struggle so much to get better for so long.
Hopefully some nice cheap apartment for rent will show up. I would probably risk it. I would rather work even night shifts, but come home to calm place knowing that if my phone is off. I am "safe" and nobody can fuck with me..

It IS sad bro. Same here my parents are actually good people deep from the inside. They are also smart. Same for me back then. But when you are sick you cannot really act it out properly and you can make people around you go crazy and if your emotions take over you can become very nasty. Most of it is from fear though. Most of those people move from fear. They are scared people will leave them behind, etc.

Same for me I was very scared people around me would leave me behind. Then it happened in PFS people left me behind nobody contacted me and I was alone. Ironically this made me move through the fear of being alone and I actually prefer it now. It's very nice to not have people constantly want things from you instead you live kind of free. I felt no connection to society or mainstream stuff either in this time. I miss that time sometimes. Eventhough I suffered a lot it still had a very positive thing too.

Now I am healthier and I notice people want stuff from me more. When you are sick people can't get anything from you pretty much they leave you alone or ignore you. It's nice. Eventhough I hated being sick and not very functional.

It's not bad to seperate yourself from them for a while for sure. I lived on my own from 21 to 30. Then I lived with my parents again for a year. Funny enough after living away from them now I could handle them properly and our relationship is better. I also advised my mother on some stuff to fix her health and she does that, she is doing much better. My dad is more stubborn doesn't want to listen at all. I think because parents have the idea they need to be better than their children or at least know better.

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause "Same for me I was very scared people around me would leave me behind. Then it happened in PFS people left me behind nobody contacted me and I was alone. Ironically this made me move through the fear of being alone and I actually prefer it now. It's very nice to not have people constantly want things from you instead you live kind of free. I felt no connection to society or mainstream stuff either in this time. I miss that time sometimes. Even though I suffered a lot it still had a very positive thing too."

I am not scared that people would leave me behind. I was left behind in my 13-15yo when other kids went to puberty and I was still a child. From that point I got used to be outcast.. To feel like alien who can't fit to any social group..
Last decade at least the only thing I want is actually be left alone. Especially by family..

Btw today in work some some probably 40-45yo woman said to me "chlapec" which you can translate to boy basically.. Like imagine how she would look at me if I told her that I will be 40 this year LOL. hehe Even all those coworkers probably think I am like 20 maybe 25yo.. THey should look more closely on my hair on the sides. A lot of white hair lol.. Also on my chin.. Btw I had alopecia barbae pretty bad. From that crazy stress when I was working also stupid stressful job in supermarket picking online orders + I was sports betting with all my money lol.. Now that big bald spot on my chin si filling back in..
But this job I am doing now is creating again a lot of damage that's for sure. I am in constant crazy stress mode..
Hopefully something better will show up soon..

 

[RebelWithACause]

@RebelWithACause "Same for me I was very scared people around me would leave me behind. Then it happened in PFS people left me behind nobody contacted me and I was alone. Ironically this made me move through the fear of being alone and I actually prefer it now. It's very nice to not have people constantly want things from you instead you live kind of free. I felt no connection to society or mainstream stuff either in this time. I miss that time sometimes. Even though I suffered a lot it still had a very positive thing too."

I am not scared that people would leave me behind. I was left behind in my 13-15yo when other kids went to puberty and I was still a child. From that point I got used to be outcast.. To feel like alien who can't fit to any social group..
Last decade at least the only thing I want is actually be left alone. Especially by family..

Btw today in work some some probably 40-45yo woman said to me "chlapec" which you can translate to boy basically.. Like imagine how she would look at me if I told her that I will be 40 this year LOL. hehe Even all those coworkers probably think I am like 20 maybe 25yo.. THey should look more closely on my hair on the sides. A lot of white hair lol.. Also on my chin.. Btw I had alopecia barbae pretty bad. From that crazy stress when I was working also stupid stressful job in supermarket picking online orders + I was sports betting with all my money lol.. Now that big bald spot on my chin si filling back in..
But this job I am doing now is creating again a lot of damage that's for sure. I am in constant crazy stress mode..
Hopefully something better will show up soon..

Yea same for me Yura at 13-15. Exactly the same lol. Crazy stuff. I remember my best friend going through puberty and he didn't really want to hang out anymore like we used to. Everything changed and from then on just started to escape from reality 24/7 with videogames and eventually porn. But I still had a puberty because my dick grew and I got a deeper voice and I had interest in women except I felt like a kid around them.

Like from that moment on I was autistic. Helen also said from puberty hormones start to regulate the gut more and brain so a lot of things change. I was healthy as a kid without hormones. Good sugar metabolism, very bright thinking, smart, righteous, pretty honest, etc. Then with hormones I became a recluse and unconfident. Maybe from the steroids from puberty I got lower potassium levels and my metabolism dropped etc.

A lot of POIS people also have not working hormones and they also look like boys at 40. It's not a bad thing to be honest. But if you have toxicities then you will feel bad and then it is a bad thing obviously. Needs to be a balance.

 

[RebelWithACause]

Anyways it's good you found a job at least dude I'd be happy to at least have something. Just gotta power through. Do they let you do your job by yourself? I prefer that over people constantly sitting in your neck looking what you are doing.

 

[Yura]

@RebelWithACause "Yea same for me Yura at 13-15. Exactly the same lol. Crazy stuff. I remember my best friend going through puberty and he didn't really want to hang out anymore like we used to. Everything changed and from then on just started to escape from reality 24/7 with videogames and eventually porn."

Exactly lol. When I was not so fucked up by amalgams it was also before puberty should start to hit I was normal kid with friends always outside doing stuff. Once they started go into puberty it was crazy I even remember looking at penis of one of my friends when he was pissing and I was like WTF IS THAT. He was like 14 and he had basically dick like porn star lol.. Yeah they started go out with girls, drink. Nobody give a shit about me anymore. At least in that time PC cafee/ gaming rooms were popular and I found good group of nerds/. We were playing all the time. Every weekend we would play at night. I really don't know where I would end up if I didn't have even that and I was completely alone all the time by myself..

"Anyways it's good you found a job at least dude I'd be happy to at least have something. Just gotta power through. Do they let you do your job by yourself? I prefer that over people constantly sitting in your neck looking what you are doing."

No. LOL it is so shitty small supermarket without storage space so I have manager on my ass telling me what to move where..
It is so much harder job than in "normal" shops like Lidl, Kaufland, Globus etc..
Yeah I am grateful that I have at least this job, but I am looking for something better for sure. I still hope that I will find something in Croatia again. It helped me a lot all that sea water soaking with upping my adrenals...

It is so fucked up. Yesterday woman like 40-45 was telling her husband "be careful boy is coming with forklift". I am 39. 40 soon LOL.
I know that nutritional balancing/HG7 type of stuff will help me a lot. Just need to be outside of that survival mode and start rebuilding/transforming my body..